Kmagnus's blog: "Questions"

Well it's a new day. It's my first day off and I would be lying if I said I had been looking foreward to it. I have been working a lot so it's easy to not think about things when your mind is busy on other things. Today there is nothing else to think about. Today is the day I pack for my move. A move I am looking foreward to only I am not looking foreward to sorting through things that belonged to us. Decideing what has too much sentimental value to take with me. Then I have to decide if I should take her needs into consideration or do I just look out for me. Why are these thing never easy? Yesterday was a great day and I am going to take the positivity and serenity that I have from the last two days and see how far they can carry me through this task. I am optimistic about this, I am making a fresh start and it looks very promising. I don't plan on this taking long, I am going to do it fast and not look back. I am going to do this and I am going to think back and laugh, because I think I am worried about nothing. Well I guess it's time t quit talking the talk and start walking the walk.

Yesterday ended up being awesome, until my ex stopped by and brought a world of drama into it. I was simply giving her some messages she had adn she was giving me attitude about it. So needless to say I was confused. We of course ended up fighting. Although after the fight I realized something. Words that she had previously used to hurt me hand no effect on me. I didn't get too upset where I was not able to remember the points I was trying to make about me being tired of her disrespecting me and about how I was sick of her lies and, that maybe trying to be friends was a bad idea. She had no logical answer for any of this, I left the situation feeling content knowing for the first time in a long time that things were going to be ok. Now a new day is here. I have truly made my first step of getting on with my life and that makes me happy. I had almost forgotten what it felt like to be happy and proud of myself. I had gotten into a funk and I doubted myself. I see now that I can't do that I have to believe in me, I have to accept me, I have to love me, because if I don't do these things other people wont believe in me they wont accept me and they sure as hell wont love me. After yesterday I am ready for today, tommorrow and everyday after that. I think the rest of my life just might be something that I can't wait to see has in store for me.

Well I decided something today. I decided that I have to be happy. No more moping, no more regret or second guessing myself. Things happen in life people grow together as well as apart. Yes I still care and I still worry, but I can't forget about me. I can't forget that my happiness is important too. So it's time to start being happy again to start loving me again. Now I know this is easy to say and I remember when it was easy to do. I have some good friends here and in real life to remind me of when I forgetting about everything in my life I have that I should be grateful and happy for. I have friends and family that love me. Seeing as how that is a big part of life, trying to find love and acceptance. I shouldn't take for granted the love and acceptance that I have managed to find. Yes I lost someone I loved greatly. Yes it's sad that we might not even be able to stay friends,but as I have said my whole life nobody is prefekt. Nobody is 100% at anything. There are ups and downs to everything and I am being small minded by not accepting these downs with the same grace and enthusiasm as I did the ups. I have to take this all and use it to make me better, stronger, smarter, and most important happier than I was before. This is cliche as it comes. Today is the first day of the rest of my life, there is no reason to waste it worried about something I have no control over. Thanks to all my friends out there. I love you all and I am grateful for every last one of you

Just some random questions about love and women. I am going through a break up right now and things just aren't going smooth as I would like them to. No I am not expecting it to be lovefest 2007, but I would like more civility. I have to admit I was an ass at first, but I was hurt. Now we are in the process of dividing possessions. We are doing alright, which from my understanding is usually the hardest part. Now where we are having trouble is with communication. We will be hanging out and things will be fine. I ask a random question to make small talk, and she will answere and we move on. Then later I find out she told me a flat out lie about something very meaningless. Should I expect this, and if we are to remain frends how can we if she lies about things that are unimportant? Should I believe anything she says? I don't want to persuade anyone's opinion to my side or hers, I just want an impartial opinion on things. I love her to death despite the lies, and everything else that went down. I was at the hospital last night until 5am with her and I stayed with her until 6 to make sure she was alright. Things are more complex than wah I have said of course. She tells me that she still loves me too but can I believe her when it seems that almost every word out of her mouth is a lie? Has anyone been in this situation before? Am I just expecting too much from her? Should I just cut her out of my life? These are thoughts that go through my head. Why doesn't love come with those disclaimers that everything else in the world comes with? You know something along the lines of, careful love can make you feel as bad as it makes you feel good and it might be the hardest thing you have ever experienced in life. Something like that right. Well I have gone on long enough any constructive advice would be most appreciated. Thanks in advance. Luv you all