Dolly Dagger's blog: "Pitching Fits..."

created on 02/16/2007 | http://fubar.com/pitching-fits/b55990

posted on 02/16/2007&nbs-08:00;@&nbs-08:00;07:02&nbs-08:00;am

SNAKES IN MY HEAD....
http://fubar.com/snakes-in-my-head/b55990-227096

I'm back...sort of...and I hope I didn't offend anyone with my abrupt closing up...as no offense was intended. I DID take some people off of my friends list, and off my family list and I DID get a CT divorce, but that had nothing to do with my fit I pitched. There are a handful, maybe not even that, that has ANY idea of the personal shit I'm going through at this moment. Personal, and just plain chaotic, as in BUYING, CLOSING and MOVING into my new home. Final closing on my home is Tueday and I can't frigging wait. Aruging with surveyors and roofers is challenging..let me tell ya. I may be blonde you fools...but I am NOT THAT BLONDE... Because of the major health problems I've been through the last 2 years, I have people around me thinking I'm absolutely incapable of making or doing things on my own....and while I love them for their concern and care, it's DRIVING ME BONKERS...I AM NOT HELPLESS. I have my good days and bad days...and I go with the flow. Yes...my cancer may return without warning and that is on my mind every single damned day...but so far...I'm clean....and just as I do...everyone needs to take one day at a time. My defib hasn't gone off to kick me yet...so my medications for my heart seem to be working great. What I worry about most..is my one lung filling up with liquids again, as it did while I was in the hospital. I coded twice in the hospital...I couldn't breathe...what if that happens while I'm at home? While trying to breathe that day in the hospital, it seemed like it took forever for me to pass out...but in actuality, I was told it was minutes. I woke up 3 days later intubated and the nurses in ICU were telling me the news was out that I was a fighter...LOL...that I fought the whole ward in the hallway...ah well...I remember just a bit of that... The biggest problem to date that I have is my weight loss...I've lost my appetite for the foods I use to enjoy and pig out on...and I'm down to hovering around 100lbs. Too small for my 5'4" frame. My doctor isn't satisfied and my 9 and 11 year old girls get on to me about being able to wear their clothes...MOMS SHOULDN'T BE ABLE TO DO THAT, YA KNOW... Anyway...moving on...I just wanted to tell my friends I appreciate the personal IM's and personal email. I so appreciate your patience and understanding and most of all, your love and compassion. I also very much appreciate the comments made on my last blog. I meant no offense to anyone.