patty's blog: "Patty 's Ponderings"

Interesting Year 1981 1. Prince Charles got married 2. Liverpool crowned soccer Champions of Europe 3. Australia lost the Ashes tournament. 4. Pope Died Interesting Year 2005 1. Prince Charles got married 2. Liverpool crowned soccer Champions of Europe 3. Australia lost the Ashes tournament 4. Pope Died Lesson Learned? The next time Charles gets married, someone warn the Pope!

Last week, I took my children to a restaurant. My six-year-old son asked if he could say grace. As we bowed our heads he said, "God is good, God is great. Thank you for the food, and I would even thank you more if Mom gets us ice cream for dessert. And Liberty and justice for all! Amen!" Along with the laughter from the other customers nearby, I heard a woman remark, "That's what's wrong with this country. Kids today don't even know how to pray. Asking God for ice cream! Why, I never!" Hearing this, my son burst into tears and asked me, "Did I do it wrong? Is God mad at me?" As I held him and assured him that he had done a terrific job, and God was certainly not mad at him, an elderly gentleman approached the table. He winked at my son and said, "I happen to know that God thought that was a great prayer." "Really?" my son asked. "Cross my heart," the man replied. Then, in a theatrical whisper, he added (indicating the woman whose remark had started this whole thing), "Too bad she never asks God for ice cream. A little ice cream is good for the soul sometimes." Naturally, I bought my kids ice cream at the end of the meal. My son stared at his for a moment, and then did something I will remember the rest of my life. He picked up his sundae and, without a word, walked over and placed it in front of the woman. With a big smile he told her, "Here, this is for you. Ice cream is good for the soul sometimes; and my soul is good already." THE END I loved this story! Please keep it moving. Sometimes, we all need some ice cream. I hope God sends you some Ice Cream today

For some time many of us have wondered just who is Jack Schitt? We find ourselves at a loss when someone says, 'You don't know Jack Schitt!' Well, thanks to my genealogy efforts, you can now respond in an intellectual way. Jack Schitt is the only son of Awe Schitt. Awe Schitt, the fertilizer magnate, married O. Schitt, the owner of Needeep N. Schitt, Inc. They had one son, Jack. In turn, Jack Schitt married Noe Schitt. The deeply religious couple produced six children: Holie Schitt, Giva Schitt, Fulla Schitt, Bull Schitt, and the twins Deep Schitt and Dip Schitt. Against her parents' objections, Deep Schitt married Dumb Schitt, a high school dropout. After being married 15 years, Jack and Noe Schitt divorced. Noe Schitt later married Ted Sherlock, and because her kids were living with them, she wanted to keep her previous name. She was then known as Noe Schitt Sherlock. Meanwhile, Dip Schitt married Loda Schitt, and they produced a son with a rather nervous disposition named Chicken Schitt. Two of the other six children, Fulla Schitt and Giva Schitt, were inseparable throughout childhood and subsequently married the Happens brothers in a dual ceremony. The wedding announcement in the newspaper announced the Schitt-Happens nuptials. The Schitt-Happens children were Dawg, Byrd, and Horse. Bull Schitt, the prodigal son, left home to tour the world. He recently returned from Italy with his new Italian bride, Pisa Schitt. Now when someone says, 'You don't know Jack Schitt,' you can correct them. Sincerely, Crock O. Schitt

One afternoon while doing some work in the Garden I noticed my dog dragging something under The fence. Upon inspection, to my dismay, I realized It was the next door neighbors' daughter's rabbit. For years I had watch her come home from school And head straight out to its cage, free it and Play with it in the garden. I knew today would Be no different and fearing for our dog, I had To think fast. The rabbit was quite dirty, as if it had put Up quite a struggle, so I washed it off with The hose, combed it with the dog brush and blew It dry with the leaf blower. Upon finishing its Grooming, I jumped the fence and replaced it Back in its cage hoping its death would be written Off as "natural causes". Within the hour, the Neighbor's car pulled in and out popped the little Girl, and as usual she headed straight for the Cage. Only this time she stopped about six feet Away and screamed "DDDDDAAAADDDDDDDYYYYYYY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" Her father, panic stricken, stood looking at The cage. Being the good neighbor that I am, I rushed to fence and asked if there was anything I could do. Her father less than calmly blurted, "What Kind of sick individual would dig up a little girl's dead rabbit and put it back in it's cage?"

I urgently needed a few days off, but knew the boss would not allow me to take sick leave. I thought maybe if I acted "CRAZY" then he would tell me to take a few days off. So I hung upside down from the ceiling and made funny noises. My coworker (who is blonde) asked me what I was doing? I told her I was pretending to be a light bulb so the boss would think I was crazy and let me have a few days off. A few minutes later the boss came into the office and asked "What are you doing?" I told him that I was a light bulb. He said, "You are clearly stressed out. Go home and get some rest for a few days." I jumped down and walked out of the office. When my coworker (the blonde) followed me, the boss said to her, "And where do you think you are going?" You will love this... She said, "I'm going home, too. I can't work in the dark!"

Two kids are arguing over whose father is the wimpiest. The first one says," My dad is so scared that when lightning strikes, he slides underneath our bed." The second kid says, "That's nothing. My dad is so scared that when my mother works nightshift, he sleeps with the woman next door."

Last night, my wife and I were sitting in the living room and I said to her, "I never want to live in a vegetative state, dependent on some machine and fluids from a bottle. If that ever happens, just pull the plug." Here it comes....... .see below.... She got up, unplugged the TV and then threw out my beer.

CHICAGO SLANG 1. Grachki (grach'-key): Chicagoese for "garage key" as in, "Yo, Theresa, waja do wit da grachki? Howmy supposta cut da grass if I can't git intada grach?" 2. Sammich: Chicagoese for sandwich. When made with sausage, it's a sassage sammich; when made with shredded beef, it's an Italian Beef sammich, a local delicacy consisting of piles of spicy meat in a perilously soggy bun. 3. Da: This article is a key part of Chicago speech, as in "Da Bears" or "Da Mare" (the latter denoting Richard M. Daley, or Richie, as he's often called). 4. Jewels: Not family heirlooms or a tender body region, but a popular name for one of the region's dominant grocery store chains. "I'm goin' to Jewels to pick up some sassage." 5. Field s: Marshall Field, a prominent Chicago department store. Also Carson Pirie Scott, another major department store chain, is simply called " Carson 's." 6. Tree: The number between two and four. "We were lucky dat we only got tree inches of snow da udder night." 7. Over by dere: Translates to "over by there," a way of emphasizing a site presumed familiar to the listener. As in, "I got the sassage at Jewels down on Kedzie, over by dere." 8. KaminskiPark: The mispronounced name o f the ballpark where the Chicago White Sox (da Sox) play baseball. Comiskey Park was recently renamed U.S. Cellular Field (da Cell). 9. Frunchroom: As in, "Getottada frunchroom wit dose muddy shoes." It's not the "parlor." It's not the "living room." In the land of the bungalow, it's the "frunchroom," a named derived, linguists believe, from "front room." 10. Use: Not the verb, but the plural pronoun 'you!' "Where use goin'?" 11. Downtown: Anywhere near Da Lake, south of Da Zoo (Lincoln Park Zoo) and north of Soldier Field. 12. The Lake: Lake Michigan . (What other lake is th e re?) It's often used by local weathermen, "cooler by Da Lake." 13. BoysTown: A section on Halsted between Belmont and Addison which is lined with gay bars both sides of the street. "Didn't I see use in BoysTown in front of da Manhole?" 14. Braht: Short for Bratwurst. "Gimme a braht wit kraut." 15. Goes: Past or present tense of the verb "say." For example, "Then he goes, 'I like this place'!" 16. Guys: Used when addressing two or more people, regardless of each individual's gender. 17. Pop: A soft drink. Don't say "soda" in this town. "Do ya wanna canna pop?" 18. Sliders : Nickname for hamburgers from White Castle , a popular midwestern burger chain. "Dose sliders I had last night gave me da shits." 19. &n bsp; The Taste: Da Taste of Chicago Festival, a huge extravaganza in Grant Park featuring samples of Chicagoland cuisine which takes place each year around the Fourth of July holiday. 20. "Jieetyet?": Translates to, "Did you eat yet?" 21. Winter and Construction: Punch line to the joke, "What are the two seasons in Chicago ?" 22. Cuppa Too-Tree: is Chicagoese for "a couple, two, three" which really means "a few." For example, "Hey Mikey, dere any of dem beerz left in da cooler over by dere?" "Yeh, a cuppa too-tree." 23. 588-2300: Every one in Chicago knows this commercial jingle and the carpet company you'll get if you call that number -- Empire! (Famous for their salesmen using 30 inch yard sticks to measure your home for carpeti ng). 24. Junk Djor: You will usually find the 'junk drawer' in the kitchen filled to the brim with miscellaneous... but very important, junk. 25. Southern Illinois : Anything south of I-80. 26. Expressways: The Interstates in the immediate Chicagoland area are usually known just by their 'name' and not their Interstate number: Da Dan Ryan ("Da Ryan"), da Stevenson, da Kennedy, da Eisenhower (da "Ike"), and da Edens. 27. Gym Shoes: The rest of the country may refer to them as sneakers or running shoes, but Chicagoans will always call them gym shoes!

FAMILY Three sisters, ages 92, 94 and 96, live in a house together. One night the 96-year-old draws a bath. She puts her foot in and pauses. She yells to the other sisters, "Was I getting in or out of the bath?" The 94-year-old yells back, "I don't know - I'll come up and see." She starts up the stairs and pauses, "Was I going up the stairs or down?" The 92-year-old is sitting at the kitchen table having tea - listening to her sisters. She shakes her head and says, "I sure hope I never get that forgetful - knock on wood." She then yells, "I'll come up and help both of you ... as soon as I see who's at the door." LITTLE LADY A little old lady was running up and down the halls in a nursing home. As she walked, she would flip up the hem of her nightgown and say "Supersex." She walked up to an elderly man in a wheelchair. Flipping her gown at him, she said, "Supersex." He sat silently for a moment or two and finally answered, "I'll take the soup." OLD FRIENDS Two elderly ladies had been friends for many decades. Over the years, they had shared all kinds of activities and adventures. Lately, their activities had been limited to meeting a few times a week to play cards. One day, they were playing cards when one looked at the other and said, "Now don't get mad at me .. I know we've been friends for a long time, but I just can't think of your name! I've thought and thought, but I can't remember it. Please tell me what your name is." Her friend glared at her. For at least three minutes she just stared and glared at her. Finally she said, "How soon do you need to know?" SENIOR DRIVING As a senior citizen was driving down the freeway, his car phone rang. Answering, he heard his wife's voice urgently warning him, "Herman, I just heard on the news that there's a car going the wrong way on Interstate 77. Please be careful!" "Heck," said Herman, "It's not just one car. It's hundreds of them!"

COOKING WITH! BACON GREASE I just threw out my last 2 tbls of bacon grease!! This is what happens when you keep cooking with bacon grease. This is a warning, send this to everyone you care about. It could happen to you... Bacon grease will make your feet really very small!! Warn everyone