lilmamaa72's blog: "News"

You can listen to thunder after lightening and tell how

close you came to getting hit. If you don't hear it you

got hit, so never mind.

A SENIOR STORY
A SENIOR STORY



A college student challenged a senior citizen, saying it was impossible for their generation to understand his. "You grew up in a different world," the student said. "Today we have television, jet planes, space travel, nuclear energy, computers..."



Taking advantage of a pause in the student's litany, the geezer said, "You're right. We didn't have those things when we were young; so we invented them! What are you doing for the next generation??"



(I love old people! They do have a lot to offer!!!)

15 Reasons Why Fishing Is Better Than Sex

15 REASONS WHY FISHING IS BETTER THAN SEX
1. A big, juicy worm always gets a fish excited.
2. You don't have to eat a fish while it's still flopping around.
3. You can take a leak in the bush anytime you want.
4. Stroking your rod won't piss off a trout.
5. Sipping a beer and scratching your balls is all the foreplay
expected of you.
6. Anything you stick in a fish's face, it eats.
7. A fish will never gag, choke, or come up for air.
8. A red snapper won't cry if you call it a flounder.
9. You wear rubbers on your feet, not on your dick.
10. If you want a bigger pole, you can have a bigger pole.
11. A smart fish knows when to keep it's mouth shut.
12. It's okay to cook a fish to make it taste good.
13. Fish bite for a guy of 60, same as they do for a guy of 20.
14. You're never called a jerk when you throw back an ugly fish.
15. Fish are real happy when you pick up your gear and go home.

15 PIECES OF ADVICE TO BE PASSED ON TO YOUR DAUGHTERS
1. Don't imagine you can change a man - unless he's in diapers.
2. What do you do if your boyfriend walks-out? You shut the door.
3. If they put a man on the moon - they should be able to put them all up there.
4. Never let your man's mind wander - it's too little to be out alone.
5. Go for younger men. You might as well - they never mature anyway.
6. Men are all the same - they just have different faces, so that you can
tell them apart.
7. Definition of a bachelor; a man who has missed the opportunity to make some woman miserable.
8. Women don't make fools of men - most of them are the do-it-yourself types.
9. Best way to get a man to do something, is to suggest they are too old for it.
10. Love is blind, but marriage is a real eye-opener.
11. If you want a committed man, look in a mental hospital.
12. The children of Israel wandered around the desert for 40 years.
Even in biblical times, men wouldn't ask for directions.
13. If he asks what sort of books you're interested in, tell him checkbooks.
14. Remember a sense of humor does not mean that you tell him jokes, it means that you laugh at his.
15. Sadly, all men are created equal.
TOP TEN THINGS THAT MEN UNDERSTAND ABOUT WOMEN:......
1. 2. 3. 4. 5. 6. 7. 8. 9. 10.
Just smile and pass it on.

10 Words That Don't Exist, But Should
1. AQUADEXTROUS (ak wa deks'trus) adj. Possessing the ability to turn the bathtub tap on and off with your toes.
2. CARPERPETUATION (kar'pur pet u a shun) n. The act, when vacuuming, of running over a string or a piece of lint at least a dozen times, reaching over and picking it up, examining it, then putting it back down to give the vacuum one more chance.
3. DISCONFECT (dis kon fekt') v. To sterilize the piece of candy (confection) you dropped on the floor by blowing on it, assuming this will somehow 'remove' all the germs.
4. ELBONICS (el bon'iks) n. The actions of two people maneuvering for one armrest in a movie theater.
5. FRUST (frust) n. The small line of debris that refuses to be swept onto the dust pan and keeps backing a person across the room until he finally decides to give up and sweep it under the rug.
6. LACTOMANGULATION (lak' to man gyu lay' shun) n. Manhandling the "open here" spout on a milk container so badly that one has to resort to the 'illegal' side.
7. PEPPIER (peph ee ay') n. The waiter at a fancy restaurant whose sole purpose seems to be walking around asking diners if they want fresh ground pepper.
8. PHONESIA (fo nee' zhuh) n. The affliction of dialing a phone number and forgetting whom you were calling just as they answer.
9. PUPKUS (pup'kus) n. The moist residue left on a window after a dog presses its nose to it.
10. TELECRASTINATION (tel e kras tin ay' shun) n. The act of always letting the phone ring at least twice before you pick it up, even when you're only six inches away

10 Reasons Why God Created Eve...
10. God worried that Adam would always be lost in the garden because he knew men would never ask directions.
9. God knew that Adam would one day need someone to hand him the TV remote because men don't want to see what's on television, they want to see WHAT ELSE is on television.
8. God knew that Adam would never buy a new fig leaf when the seat wore out and therefore would need Eve to get one for him.
7. God knew that Adam would never make a doctors appointment for himself.
6. God knew that Adam would never remember which night was garbage night.
5. God knew that if the world was to be populated there would have to be someone to bear children, because men would never be able to handle it.
4. As 'Keeper of the Garden' Adam would never remember where he put his tools.
3. The scripture account of creation indicates that Adam needed someone to blame his troubles on when God caught him hiding in the garden.
2. As the Bible says, 'It is not good for man to be alone.' He only ends up getting himself in trouble.
AND the #1 REASON WHY GOD CREATED EVE is ...
When God had finished the creation of Adam, He stepped back, scratched his head and said, 'I KNOW I can do better than THIS!!'

10 COMMANDMENTS OF A TEENAGER
1) Thou shall not sneak out when parents are sleeping. (why wait?)
2) Thou shall not do drugs (Alcohol last longer)
3) Thou shall not steel from K-Mart. (WalMart has a bigger selection)
4) Thou shall not get arrested for vandalism. (Destruction has a bigger effect)
5) Thou shall not steel from thy parents. (Every one knows grandma has more money)
6) Thou shall not get in fights. (Just start them)
7) Thou shall not skip class. (Just take the whole day off)
8) Thou shall not strip in class. (Hooters pays more)
9) Thou shall not think about having sex. (As Nike says Just Do It)
10) Thou shall not help old ladies cross the street. (Just leave them in the middle)

Imagine yourself in God's arms. You have fallen asleep, and you begin to dream. Some dreams take you outside your home, others to different countries, and still others to different worlds. Yet, if you were to awaken, you would still find yourself in God's arms. Regardless of the dreams you created, regardless of what you chose to believe and experience in those dreams, regardless of how scared you were, or the words you chose to use, God watched over you with everlasting love, patience and peace.

Imagine yourself smiling as you watch your children sleep. So too does God watch over you with absolute love. Regardless of what you choose to see as true, regardless of how you view Him or dream of Him, He waits patiently for you to awaken. You might scream or kick Him, but He understands that you dream, and that you are simply reacting to a dream. He embraces you with perfect love and acceptance. He strokes your head, and although you sleep, you feel His love. And deep within, although you sleep, you are grateful for His love. My friend, you will awaken. And when you do, you will awaken to a place you have never left.

Some of you have a difficult time believing that God loves you unconditionally. You may look at your life, having experienced pain, guilt, anger, suffering, envy, lust and jealousy, and ask, "How could God really love me if I am all these things and more? How could God lovingly hold me in his arms while I experience such emotions?" Remember, God is looking at you while you sleep. He also knows what you are like when you are awake. (Yes, we are still talking about God, not Santa Claus.) He created you in His image. If you choose to believe God knows you not, then allow as true that God knows Himself. If He knows Himself, then he knows His image, and if He knows His image, then He at least knows the truth about you.

God knows who you have always been, even if you don't know who you are now. My friend, we dream, and in this dream we have made ourselves into characters who can experience emotions such as pain, guilt, anger, suffering, envy, lust and jealousy. Yet, dreams and illusions are, by their very nature, temporary. In fact, our dreams are but a blink of eternity's eyes. 

If you have not yet given birth to a son or a daughter, imagine creating such a being. Imagine the absolute love you would have for him or her. Now, imagine yourself suddenly judging or even hating this perfect creature because he or she chooses to blink. This is what many believe God could and is doing to us. Can you now begin to conceptualize the scale and magnitude of our illusions? God's love for us is changeless and eternal, and this life is a momentary blink in eternity's eyes. Would you judge or hate your child for blinking? Would God?

My friend, if God does not judge His creations, why would we ever want to judge them? God loves His creations, and if we do anything but love His creations, we will have a feeling of separation. The opposite of love is fear, and fear is manifested through judgment. Judgment is the basis for separation, which is the ego's goal. When we judge a brother or sister, be it in thought or action, we create a sense of separation, which then results in feelings of guilt. Inwardly, we feel guilty because we judge what God loves and sees as perfect. If we judge God’s child, then, by definition, we have judged ourselves. If we judge ourselves without knowing that we are doing so, then we create confusion. Once we experience enough confusion we create a chaotic state.

A life lived in chaos and confusion will not bring about peace of mind and joy. Our tolerance for chaos and confusion may be high, but it is not without limit. There comes a time for all of us when we say to ourselves, "There must be a better way, a better, more productive answer than chaos and confusion." And as we begin to question ourselves, we start to awaken and remember our trueselves. We realize and remember that just as confusion and chaos are the result of meeting our brothers and sisters with judgment, so too are peace of mind and joy the result of meeting our brothers and sisters with acceptance and love.

My friend, allow your brothers and sisters to experience the illusions they perceive as real. Often it is only when our brothers and sisters physically, emotionally and spiritually experience the emptiness of their actions and reactions that they realize their futility. Please understand that I'm not saying that you should not make an effort to guide your brothers and sisters in a positive direction. But be very aware of the subtle differences between guidance and control. These differences are more often than not very muddled in the ego's thought system. If asked, we may offer our brothers and sisters guidance, but we need to refrain from attachment to its outcome. Be not attached to your brothers and sisters following your direction. Look within your heart, offer support and love, and trust that His will will be done. If your brothers and sisters insist on falling, let them fall, for sooner or later they will land on their knees, and when they do they will not experience pain but relief. One of the greatest gifts you can offer your brothers and sisters is the loving space they need to fall, land on their knees and experience their perfection.