SoMe Goddamn One's blog: "NEWS FLASH!"

with a raid from the Normans becoming more and more likely the inhabitants of Blitzed Out prepare for war. -NEWS FLASH 12:56 PM: Bohemian ear-spoons are now on sale at petes polearms. -NEWS FLASH 1:15 PM: NEWS FLASH! has decided to publish this easy to use guide on how to determine who you are under seige by: 1(a.) attackers are wearing clothes (2) (b.) attackers are not wearing clothes -PICTS 2(a.) attackers are not organised (3) (b.) attackers are organised -ROMANS 3(a.) attackers are not wearing metal armor (4) (b.) attackers are wearing metal armor -NORMANS 4(a.) every soldier has 1 or more horses -HUNS (b.) soldiers may or may not have horses (5) 5(a.) attackers are normal height (6) (b.) attackers are freeking huge -ZULU 6(a.) you are winning - SAXONS (b.) you are getting your ass kicked -CELTS We hope this helps.

NEWS FLASH! would like to thank DJ MIZZUNDERSTOOD for her continuing help. As a token of our gratitude we have decided to make her an official NEWS FLASH! reporter. NEWS FLASH! REPORTER: DJ MIZZUNDERSTOOD (we are currently working on a custom tag) -NEWS FLASH 12:01 PM: Today is the opening day of lobster hunting season. Remember that until october the first it is bows and muzzle loaders only. People caught hunting with rifels will receive 200 lashes or death (which ever comes first). -NEWS FLASH 5:43 PM: It appears that the censors have been let out of their cages. It seems as though you cant say one thing with out your work being violated by the censors. NEWS FLASH! feels that this is . NEWS FLASH 9:15 PM: The lobster infestation has been cured by cross breeding the lobsters with lemmings and as we all know, once a year, lemmings make mad stampedes off cliff faces. Don't ask me why, they just do.

NEWS FLASH! would like to appologise for not covering the wedding yesterday... it appears that the squirrel finaly chewed through the cable. - NEWS FLASH 9:39 PM: Man saves world from zombie hoarde by switching the push and pull signs on all the doors. The zombies kept pulling and pulling until they finaly ripped their own arms off. - NEWS FLASH 10:26 PM: (COURTESY OF: DJ MIZZUNDERSTOOD): In honor of computer symbology's increased role in our vocabulary, INFOCUS published the following poem, written by Fred Bremmer and Steve Kroese, Calvin College & Seminary of Grand Rapids, MI. >> ! * ' ' # ^ " ` $ $ - ! * = @ $ _ % * < > ~ # 4 & [ ] . . / | { , , SYSTEM HALTED The poem can only be appreciated by reading it aloud, to wit: Waka waka bang splat tick tick hash, Caret quote back-tick dollar dollar dash, Bang splat equal at dollar under-score, Percent splat waka waka tilde number four, Ampersand bracket bracket dot dot slash, Vertical-bar curly-bracket comma comma CRASH

Today is a special day for one of Blitzed Out's couples. Tonight at 10 PM PUNKIE and KLYDE will be joined in most holy matimony ( or some shit like that). The entire NEWS FLASH! crew (me) would like to congratulate the couple. - NEWS FLASH 5:54 PM: We have been asked to remind our viewers that this is a formal event,so clothes will be required.

NEWS FLASH! would like to appologise for the lack of service yesterday. We had a English paper to finish. - NEWS FLASH 11:11 AM: NEWS FLASH! may be closing due to the apparent lack of interest ( there were 3 readers and no comments on the 19th) Unless I have 6 readers by the end of the day I'm stoping it. - NEWS FLASH 11:32 AM: IMPORTANT SAFETY ANOUNCEMENT: The NEWS FLASH! office has been flooded with reports of sharks in the jello pool. We would like to let our viewers know that these reports have yet to be confirmed, but for your personal safety local police have asked for every one to keep out of the jello. NEWS FLASH! currently has a reporter on the scene. Reporter John Doe is suiting up and will be diving into the pool with a underwater camera to bring you full coverage. - NEWS FLASH 11:44 AM: Reports of a shark in the jello pool have been confirmed. Services for Mr.John Doe will be held at 5:00 PM on Sunday. It will be a closed casket funeral. - NEWS FLASH 11:55 AM: It seems that some one has sewn the peices of John back together and hooked his body up to a car battery. This could cause some confusion in payroll. - NEWS FLASH 12:00 UM.... NOON!: WE NEED YOUR HELP! NEWS FLASH! is looking for stories, pictures, and other bullshit. Send them to fubarnewsflash@hotmail.com and please include your fubar screen name, I'm real big on giving credit where credit is due. - NEWS FLASH 1:02 PM: It's satan kitty! - NEWS FLASH 2:11 PM(source: DJ MIZZUNDERSTOOD) NEWS FLASH: DJ MIZZUNDERSTOOD DOESN'T KNOW WHAT TO PLAY AND NEEDS YOUR HELP!! - NEWS FLASH 2:13 PM(source: DJ MIZZUNDERSTOOD)SUIT (Sumthin Up In There) was the leading cause of death in females age 18-60 last year - NEWS FLASH 2:40 PM: FUBAR FARTED!!! - NEWS FLASH 4:36 PM: The Blitzed Out weather prediction system has located a storm that is expected to hit the lounge between the hours of 6:00 PM and 8:00 PM. This is a severe storm that is expected to produce 5 to 10 inches of rain. Wind speeds will range from 80 to 140 mph. Winds of this magnitude have the ability to uproot trees, knock over buildings, and even blow your pants off ( not that any one around here actualy wears pants). NEWS FLASH! advises tieing yourself to something, putting on a helmet, and praying. - NEWS FLASH 4:46 PM: NEWS FLASH! has been asked to explain the methods used to predict lounge weather patterns. We use the coonass system: - NEWS FLASH 5:35 PM: Jesus supports NEWS FLASH!

In the words of the great musician beck " today has been a fucked up day!" -NEWS FLASH 10:25 PM: Yes, I know, I'm running late... I'm gonna try to make up for it though. -NEWS FLASH 10:27 PM: OUCH! Dani! Dont poke me! -NEWS FLASH 10:30 PM: Leading scientists have some new findings to share with the general public... they are as follows: Ya can't roller skate in a buffalo herd Ya can't roller skate in a buffalo herd Ya can't roller skate in a buffalo herd But you can be happy if you've a mind to Ya can't take a shower in a parakeet cage Ya can't take a shower in a parakeet cage Ya can't take a shower in a parakeet cage But you can be happy if you've a mind to All ya gotta do is put your mind to it Knuckle down, buckle down, do it, do it, do it Well, ya can't go a-swimmin' in a baseball pool Ya can't go swimmin' in a baseball pool Ya can't go swimmin' in a baseball pool But you can be happy if you've a mind to Ya can't change film with a kid on your back Ya can't change film with a kid on your back Ya can't change film with a kid on your back But you can be happy if you've a mind to Ya can't drive around with a tiger in your car Ya can't drive around with a tiger in your car Ya can't drive around with a tiger in your car But you can be happy if you've a mind to All ya gotta do is put your mind to it Knuckle down, buckle down do it, do it, do it Well, ya can't roller skate in a buffalo herd Ya can't roller skate in a buffalo herd Ya can't roller skate in a buffalo herd But you can be happy if you've a mind to Ya can't go fishin' in a watermelon patch Ya can't go fishin' in a watermelon patch Ya can't go fishin' in a watermelon patch But you can be happy if you've a mind to Ya can't roller skate in a buffalo herd Ya can't roller skate in a buffalo herd a can't roller skate in a buffalo herd But you can be happy if you've a mind to! ( lyrics by Roger Miller) -NEWS FLASH 11:49 PM: Here's something to think about: When nature calls, does it dial collect?

All's quiet on the western front, but all is not quiet in Blitzed Out. An earthquake that registered a 10 on the rictor scale has struck, doing more damage to the lounge than a saturday night. More to come on this late breaking story. -NEWS FLASH 3:04 PM: It hs been confirmed that there was in fact no earthquake, but some body needs to take some bean-o. -NEWS FLSH 3:07 PM: It seems tht my "" key is cting up ... plese prdon the lck of 's. It int my freekin fult. The folowing NEWS FLASH! is brought to you by: PORK BRAINS. PORK BRAINS, just like momma use to make em. -NEWS FLASH 3:30 PM: The instalation and testing of Blitzed Out's anti-n00b missles has been completed. -NEWS FLASH 3:52 PM: Coming to a theater near you: ding fries are done II -NEWS FLASH 4:13 PM: GO JESUS GO JESUS GO! GO JESUS GO JESUS GO!

As usual,NEWS FLASH is here to make the day go by faster for all you working world people out there. Hope you aren't having a case of the mondays. -NEWS FLASH 1:39 PM: Now I've seen it all... VIRTUAL SEA MONKIES: www.hypegames.com/misc/2000/virtual-sea-monkeys.html

Its sunday...the day of the lord... and may you all be blessed with many more days to laugh. in the name of the father the son and the holy spirit... of as my old boss use to say..."specticles, testicals, watch pocket, gun" -NEWS FLASH 1:21 AM: I'M ALIVE!!!!!!!!! -NEWS FLASH 1:29 AM: We have been told that the server went down. We would like to know which drunk pissed on it. -NEWS FLASH 5:02 PM: The martians have landed! ( we are devo, D E V O ) - NEWS FLASH 5:29 PM: THE POPE SAYS HI:

Snuggles v. ferrets (final score): Snuggles:1/ ferrets: nada -NEWS FLASH 6:45 PM: NEWS FLASH! would like to extend a heartfelt apology to all of our viewers. It was incorrectly stated that there would be no NEWS FLASH! today. The president of news flash wishes to personaly appologise: “how the hell was I suppose to know I would get off of work early!!??!!” - NEWS FLASH 7:28 PM: NEWS FLASH! now has a mascot. Meet Henry: another picture: - NEWS FLASH 8:10 PM: HAPPY BIRTHDAY BOUNTY! - NEWS FLASH 8:11 PM: HELP WANTED: NEWS FLASH! needs help. we are looking for photographers. We accept all photos (or pics found online) , and we will use them if we can (if we cant well save them for later). Credit will be given. APPLY BY SHOUT BOXING ME OR BY LEAVING A COMMENT. -NEWS FLASH 10:23 PM: A Man was found hiding in a pillow fort with a shotgun, a laptop, a bottle of whiskey, a jar of peanut butter, a spoon, and nothing on but the radio.