Buttercup's blog: "My thoughts."

I have so much to be thankful for this year.  I have been brought to my knees for prayers and tears in fear, but I made it through.

I almost lost my Mother in September. Through God's grace and after a month long stay in the hospital. She made it. I am honored to be able to hear her laughter and see her smile today.  For those of you who have lost loved ones this year, may God bless you. I know what a holiday is like without someone you love. It's been 11 years and I would still love to see my Dad come through the door picking on me.

 At my job, I saw something that I hope I never will again. Thieves in the mist at work and the influence over co workers.  It was difficult to watch how my department was crushed.....however. It worked out. I am even up for a promotion.  Sorry can't tell you much more than that about the job issue.

 My love life....yeah I dont have much of one. I have been drawn to someone for a while and looks like I may see a change in that soon. Exciting scary, but I am happy about it. He is a great friend and I am thankful to have him in my life.

So many things I could write.....I just want you to know to count your blessings. Earlier this year I was in a dark place....now I am out in the sunshine and it's amazing. Look to your left and right...do those people bring you down or build you up.  Take time out for you. Love yourself and join me in the sunshine.

GOD BLESS!!! HAPPY THANKGIVING!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

My heart was broken July 2008. I was sitting alone with my Mom in her hospital room. The doctor gave us the bed news. They can not repair her heart valve. They gave her two years to live. A few tears slipped out of my eye and my Mom was stern with me. She told me not to cry that she needed me to be strong. I have my moments where I slip away to shed a few tears. We made a decision to live each day to the fullest. My Mom is my best friend. She's great!!! Yesterday we had a family birthday party for her. I love it when she glows. Her face had color and she was having a great day. Her great grandchildren and grandchildren showed up. It was a wonderful day. You could her laughter fill the house. Just wanted to share a happy thought. Happy Birthday Mom!!! Number 72!!! Wooo hooo!!! Thank God for giving her such a great day. Kiss the ones you love, you never know when might be the last time. Don't be afraid to tell friends and family that you love them!!! :)

My niece who is 26 years old is a teacher. She is married to a man who doesn't work nor has attempted to. Her choice. She found out tonight that she has spinal menigitis and the doctors want to put her in the hospital,but she feels she can't afford to. She refused to let them admit her. She has insurance, but wont go. UGH!! Everything she said had her husband attached to it. Just frustrated and worried. I love my niece to pieces and I don't ever want anything to happen to her. Please say a prayer for her. Thanks for letting me vent.

I must say when it rains, it pours. Tomorrow my mom is having a test done on her heart. If they find a blockage or the tear in her heart is too large, she will have open heart surgrey. I thought I was nervous earlier this week. Tonight I am kind of freaked out. My mom is my best friend. She is the lady that I tell everything to. My mom raised all her grandchildren. The kids are scared. I am keeping a happy face infront of them. On the inside, I am scared to death. I asked my mom tonight if she was scared, she said no it will be ok. I caught her crying alittle today. I never see her cry. I just hugged her tight. Well can't type much more...I get all mushy and teary eyed. I ask that you say a prayer for my mother tonight. Thanks in advance.

Ten years later and so much has changed. I think about the things that my dad is missing out on. His first grandaughter is married and a teacher. His other is now a nurse and still as stubborn and beautiful as ever. Little Michael is no longer his little great grandson, but a girl crazy, sports fanatic teenager with peach fuzz. I could go on and on here. I have never popped the hood of the car without looking over my shoulder. I can feel him watching to see if I remember how check the fluids in mycar. I tear up sometimes when I pass up a primer car. lol His idea of my first car was an El Camino and mine was a 69 camero. Neither of us won that argument lol. Our project became a 1986 Mustang. It arrived in 4 different colors and I got my first lessons in stripping paint off my car. And then transmission, etc. lol I miss having my talks with him about life. I can't say they were life changing talks, but I always laughed at how he called Smoltz...Smokey and Chipper Jones...Chippy. lol I am rambling. I did keep something. I kept an old rag that he kept in his pocket to whip his hands and the last empty pack of his viceroy cigarettes. I keep them in a zip lock bag. I haven't opened it in 10 years. Well today, I did. I must say it brought tears to my eyes to smell that mixture of old spice and viceroy cigarettes. It felt like he walked in the room. I was waiting to hear a crazy joke or him tell me my car needed oil. No matter what tomorrow holds and how imperfect my dad may have been. I am glad that he did finally tell me he loved me before he died. Very comforting to know that he did. :) Good feeling to know that he could still be watching over me. RIP Pop I wouldn't have asked for a better dad.

Today I finished up Christmas shopping. I can't help but be a little worried today. My aunt is in the hospital. She had a pacer maker installed a few days ago. She is in there recovering well. I finally got my mom to let me pay for her doctor visit. She went and found out she has some internal bleeding issues. They are running tests on the 3rd and admitting her into the hosipital. I can't help but be worried. I lost my father 9 years ago, so my mom is all that I have left. Most of my friends let me down and forget about me, so she is truly my best friend. Whew...sorry. Today will be a great day. My family will be over tonight and tomorrow. The kids and I will play til we are exhausted. My sister and I will put out christmas stockings and talk about past christmas adventures. Should be a fun day. I am leaving my dream job soon. I have to return to finance where the money is. I have been offered job after job and turned them down. I have watched myself become miserable. I am remind of what a friend once told me. Those who try to hang on when God is trying to move on will always be miserable. I am gonna make my move in 2008. A new job. This christmas hold the ones you love close and remember Jesus is the reason for the season. God bless.

I watch my Mom sometimes. My Dad died 9 years ago. This time of year is rough for her sometimes. Tomorrow would have been their 51st wedding anniversary. I miss my Dad too. He always made me laugh. I never wanted people to say that I looked like him growing up. Honestly, I do. I realy have his eyes. lol I got his sense of humor too. I will never forget my Dad saying I love you to me on his hospital bed. It was at that momment that I knew that he was gonna die. The funny thing is that I love to think about him now. 9 years later and I am still telling his stories. lol My dad is the classic legend to several boys and girls. The favorite of my neice is the Christmas tree incident. I was playing with the train around the tree with her while Mom was at the store. The train got stuck on the track and I had to climb under the tree. My neice accidentally tipped it over on me. My Dad was rushing out the door, because he said Mom wasn't blaming him for this one and the tree falling was bad luck. lol You can imagine how crazy I felt laying under a fallen Christmas tree til Mom came home. lol I guess you had to be there lmao. To everyone who has lost someone or is missing someone. Remember the good times and laugh. Take time out to thank God for the memories you have and the love they gave you while they were with you. God bless.

Your turn lol I went to see RENT last weekend. lol Enjoy.

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So much on my mind tonight. All I want is a hug. I hate soul searching. I feel akward lately in social settings. I really don't have much too talk about. I watch sports, take care of children (school) and my family. I look at myself in the mirror and just frown. I lay in bed and wonder about what tomorrow holds. People drift in and out your life. Lately, the "friends" that I once had were only around me when times were good. I want to roll over in the middle of the night and touch the back of someone who sees me as a treasure. I must say that I am human and I want what every woman wants. A romance. I am such a sap today. I can't help but listen to "Somebody's Me" and cry lol. I am such a nut......I am really laid back and cool. Just the death of a friend of the family and an incident with a student in my class, has made me ultra sensitive. God bless and goodnight