Tube Bar Red's blog: "Messages From the Tube Bar"

LOS ANGELES, California (AP) -- Maila Nurmi, whose "Vampira" TV persona pioneered the spooky-yet-sexy Goth aesthetic, has died, coroner's officials said. She was 85. Nurmi died Thursday afternoon at her Hollywood home, Los Angeles County coroner's Lt. Fred Corral said. The cause of death has not been determined, Corral said. Nurmi created her Vampira character -- reminiscent of Charles Addams' spooky New Yorker cartoons -- to host horror movie broadcasts on KABC TV in Los Angeles in 1954. With darkly mascaraed eyes and blood-red lipstick, Nurmi appeared each week in her revealing black dress and slinky fishnets to introduce such films as "Revenge of the Zombies" and "Devil Bat's Daughter." "The Vampira Show" was canceled after about a year, but Nurmi remained a cult figure among B-movie buffs and is thought to have inspired the vampish Morticia Addams on "The Addams Family," which premiered about 10 years later. But Nurmi's cultural resonance did not translate into long-term wealth. In 1989, she lost a $10 million lawsuit that contended Cassandra Peterson's late-night horror hostess Elvira pirated her character. "There is no Elvira. There's only a pirated Vampira," she was quoted as saying in an Associated Press story at the time. "Cassandra Peterson slavishly copied my product and made a fortune. America has been duped." Among Nurmi's scattered film appearances following her TV career was a cameo in Ed Wood's 1959 cult classic, "Plan 9 From Outer Space." Nurmi was played by Lisa Marie in "Ed Wood," Tim Burton's 1994 tribute to the B-movie director. Nurmi was born Maila Elizabeth Syrjaniemi in Finland on December 11, 1922, and emigrated with her family to Ohio, said Heather Saenz, a friend. In her late teens she went to New York, where she fell in with a clique of actors and artists and moved with them to Hollywood to seek a film career, Saenz said. She worked as a chorus girl and model before appearing as Vampira, Saenz said. Nurmi supported herself late in her life by selling handmade jewelry, Saenz said. Saenz and her husband, Bryan Moore, met Nurmi in 2005 when they recruited her to serve as grand marshal in a procession of hearses sponsored by Los Angeles' Petersen Automotive Museum. Moore said he plans to transport Nurmi's casket in the same hearse she rode in at the parade -- a vintage 1951 vehicle that appeared in a scene of "Ed Wood." "So that's going to be Vampira's last ride," he said. Funeral arrangements are pending. Nurmi has no known surviving family, Moore said.

Forever Young Bobby Thigpen out there. Number thirty-seven. That's the guy in the Peanuts cartoon. Pigpen. That's a joke. That guy in Peanuts with Charlie Brown. He's always dirty. Oh yeah. Every day. Orphan Annie. You know, She hasn't aged in thirty-two years.

2 INMATES BRAWL OVER WOODY ALLEN by Dan Benson dbenson@journalsentinel.com Posted: July 23, 2007 Call it Ultimate Fighting Ebert and Roeper. Two Ozaukee County Jail inmates are getting the thumbs down, felony style, from local law enforcement after tussling last week over the off-screen lifestyle of filmmaker Woody Allen. According to a criminal complaint filed Monday in Ozaukee County Circuit Court, the fight began about 5:30 p.m. July 9 during mealtime when James F. Lala, 31, of Grafton asked fellow inmate Corey T. Wilson, 36, of Menomonee Falls what he thought of Allen's marriage in 1997 to Sun Yi Previn, an adopted daughter of Allen's longtime companion, Mia Farrow. "Wilson told Lala that he thought that was perverted," the complaint says. "Wilson stated he continued to eat his meal when Lala came up to him and punched him in the face," and the two began to fight. The fight lasted several minutes, with other inmates looking on until deputies restrained the two men with the help of pepper spray. Lala, who was imprisoned in 1998 for having sex with a 15-year-old girl, was charged a year ago in May with 20 felony counts of possessing child pornography after investigators said they found 6,000 such images on his home computer. He has pleaded not guilty to those charges, each of which carries a maximum penalty of 3 1/2 years in prison. Both Lala and Wilson have been charged with battery by prisoners and substantial battery, felonies for which they could be imprisoned 9 1/2 years if convicted.

More fun than the Onion, more credible than Fox News, you'll be missed. *sniff*

Hey, friends! The rumors of my demise were exaggerated ... but only slightly. Here's the crazy story: I was walking around sick as a dog in the middle of March, I mean really f*cked up, trying to tough it out, when I got into a car accident, no doubt caused by my impaired judgment and compromised ability to operate a motor vehicle. Thought I was fine, then I woke up in the middle of that night with excruciating, blinding pain in my shoulder, which I assumed was the result of the accident. Went to the emergency room the next morning -- March 17, St. Patrick's Day -- and it turned out that the accident had nothing to do with it, the pain in my shoulder was a manifestation of the fact that my lungs were completely filled with fliud. I'd been walking around with pneumonia for probably about a week. Real smart. So they admitted me, and upon further testing discovered that not only did I have pnemonia, I also had some nutty thing called acute respiratory distress syndrome. Which is fatal about half the time. So the next day -- my birthday, March 18 (and thanks, by the way, to all here who sent messages, gifts, etc -- my failure to respond wasn't because I'm a sh*thead, though I'm not arguing that fact) -- I was intubated, which means they stuck a million tubes down my throat and put me in a medically induced coma. But it turns out a have a peculiar chemistry -- I'm pretty resistant to pain and, unfortunately, almost completely resistant to pain medication and sedatives -- so I kept coming out of it and pulling the tubes and sh*t out, physically assaulting the hospital workers who tried to restrain me, and making things hugely difficult for everyone, including myself. So after three days of this, they finally figured out how to properly dose me, and I was out and on a respirator for the next couple of weeks. I was extremely lucky that I did respond to treatment, so by the time they brought me back around, I was in pretty good shape, and also really lucky that I didn't suffer any terrible side effects or lung damage. And my great fortune was brought home to me by the ten or twelve nurses and doctors who poked into my room every day and said, eyes wide, "Oh my god! You're alive!" Several male nurses whom I'd apparently beaten up also came by to shake my hand and say, "You're a crazy man!" or "You're some fighter!" The guys, they respect that sort of thing. The women, er, not so much. But because I was in intensive care and off my feet for so long, I actually lost my gross motor skills. I couldn't f*cking walk! How f*cking crazy is that?!? So I spent another week in the hospital before I could put any weight on my feet at all. That was really difficult, though the hardest part was being away from my son for so long. So now I'm rehabbing at home, shlepping around with a cane for now, though I will make a full recovery. I just feel really blessed to have survived this wacky, wacky ride, and fortunate to be around to do something as mundane as writing a blog. Missed you guys! PS: Oh, and my wife bought a house while I was at death's door -- I was on my way back from looking at it when I got into that car accident. And, for those of you whom I hadn't had a chance to tell before I went down, we're expecting a second in September. Just found out it's a girl!

Dr. Seuss's The Cat in the Hat was released 50 years ago today, on March 1, 1957. To celebrate, Random House is giving away up to a million books to First Book, a children's literacy program. Here's the deal: they're giving away one book for every birthday card to The Cat that they receive online. Just go to Happy Birthday, Cat in the Hat to fill out a card.

Yay, off on vacation to Miami Beach tomorrow! Well, actually, Sunny Isles Beach, which I got only because every other remotely warm place on the East Coast was booked up long ago by people who planned their trips more than four days in advance. Anal f*ckers. So this'll probably be like planning a trip to NYC and staying in Passaic NJ. Regardless, I'm pretty happy to be getting away, though, and there is purportedly a beach there. I could care less -- I'm at two with nature, generally speaking -- but Mrs Tube Bar Red and the kid, they like that sort of thing. Seeya Friday. And remember, Joel, no parties!

Academy Award-winning composer Howard Shore, Placido Domingo and director David Cronenberg are forming an unlikely trio to create an unlikely opera — "The Fly." A co-production by the Theatre du Chatelet and Domingo's Los Angeles Opera, "The Fly" will premiere in Paris on July 1, 2008, and open the Los Angeles Opera's 2008-9 season that Sept. 7. Domingo will conduct both runs. "`The Fly' will be an unprecedented addition to the operatic repertoire," Domingo, the general director of the Los Angeles Opera, said at Friday's announcement. "Any commission of an opera is a gamble, as has been proven throughout music history. There are many operas which were commissioned and premiered but didn't survive the test of time. "Thus, there is no scientific formula for commissioning but only one's instinct when one listens to a composers already existing works. I have heard many of Howard Shore's scores for such films as `The Lord of the Rings' (for which he won three Oscars) and, of course, `The Fly,' and knew that here was a musician who should write an opera." The two-act opera is being drawn mainly from Cronenberg's 1986 movie of that name, which recounts the genetic mutation of a scientist into a fly. The director radically transformed a 1958 film based on a short story by George Langelaan. Having Shore, Domingo and Cronenberg together is "the symbol of a musical world on the move," said Jean-Luc Choplin, director of the Theatre du Chatelet. The work will feature three main characters: a lead baritone, tenor and a mezzo-soprano. Domingo said it was Shore who came up with the idea of turning the movie into opera. "The Fly" is an "intimate story" of love, death and "the ultimate sacrifice," Shore said. "I thought it was a very good opera subject for staging and I wanted to work with something I knew," Shore said. "I love the emotion of opera" and Cronenberg's movie "allows you this canvas to work on to create something new." The opera, originally intended for the Los Angeles Opera's 2007-8 season, has a libretto by Tony winner David Henry Hwang. Oscar winner Dante Ferretti will design the sets.

“It’s not enough for me that the Republicans lost; I’d just as soon they all had flat tires on the way home from the polls. My mama may have raised a mean child, but she raised no hypocrites.” "There are two kinds of humor. One kind that makes us chuckle about our foibles and our shared humanity -- like what Garrison Keillor does. The other kind holds people up to public contempt and ridicule -- that's what I do. Satire is traditionally the weapon of the powerless against the powerful. I only aim at the powerful. When satire is aimed at the powerless, it is not only cruel -- it's vulgar." "I believe that ignorance is the root of all evil. And that no one knows the truth." "It is possible to read the history of this country as one long struggle to extend the liberties established in our Constitution to everyone in America." "It's like, duh. Just when you thought there wasn't a dime's worth of difference between the two parties, the Republicans go and prove you're wrong." "What stuns me most about contemporary politics is not even that the system has been so badly corrupted by money. It is that so few people get the connection between their lives and what the bozos do in Washington and our state capitols. Politics is not a picture on a wall or a television sitcom that you can decide you don't much care for." "So keep fightin’ for freedom and justice, beloveds, but don’t you forget to have fun doin’ it. Lord, let your laughter ring forth. Be outrageous, ridicule the fraidy-cats, rejoice in all the oddities that freedom can produce. And when you get through kickin’ ass and celebratin’ the sheer joy of a good fight, be sure to tell those who come after how much fun it was."

I f*cking love this story! BOSTON COPS MAKE ARREST IN DEVICES PLOY BOSTON (AP) - More than 10 blinking electronic devices planted at bridges and other spots in Boston threw a scare into the city Wednesday in what turned out to be a publicity campaign for a late-night cable cartoon. Most if not all of the devices depict a character giving the finger. Boston police said Wednesday night that one person had been arrested, and authorities scheduled a news conference to provide details. Highways, bridges and a section of the Charles River were shut down and bomb squads were sent in before authorities declared the devices were harmless. "It's a hoax - and it's not funny," said Gov. Deval Patrick, who said he'll speak to the state's attorney general "about what recourse we may have." Turner Broadcasting, a division of Time Warner Inc. (TWX) and parent of Cartoon Network, said the devices were part of a promotion for the TV show "Aqua Teen Hunger Force," a surreal series about a talking milkshake, a box of fries and a meatball. "The packages in question are magnetic lights that pose no danger," Turner said in a statement, issued a few hours after reports of the first devices came in. It said the devices have been in place for two to three weeks in 10 cities: Boston; New York; Los Angeles; Chicago; Atlanta; Seattle; Portland, Ore.; Austin, Texas; San Francisco; and Philadelphia. "We regret that they were mistakenly thought to pose any danger," the company said. As soon as the company realized the problem, it said, law enforcement officials were told of their locations in all 10 cities. The marketing firm that put them up has been ordered to remove them immediately, said Phil Kent, Turner chairman. "We apologize to the citizens of Boston that part of a marketing campaign was mistaken for a public danger," Kent said. "We appreciate the gravity of this situation and, like any responsible company would, are putting all necessary resources toward understanding the facts surrounding it as quickly as possible." Interference Inc. had no immediate comment. A woman who answered the phone at the New York-based firm's offices Wednesday afternoon said the firm's CEO was out of town and would not be able to comment until Thursday. There were no reports from police Wednesday of residents in the other nine cities spotting similar devices. Boston Mayor Thomas Menino said he'll seek to punish those responsible, and indicated that the penalty could be two to five years in prison per count. After Turner made its announcement, Menino said he was "prepared to take any and all legal action" against the company and its affiliates "for any and all expenses incurred during the response to today's incidents." Homeland Security Department spokesman Russ Knocke praised Boston authorities for sharing their knowledge quickly with Washington officials and the public. "Hoaxes are a tremendous burden on local law enforcement and counter-terrorism resources and there's absolutely no place for them in a post-9/11 world," Knocke said. Authorities said some of the objects looked like circuit boards or had wires hanging from them. The first device was found at a subway and bus station underneath Interstate 93, forcing the shutdown of the station and the highway. Later, police said four calls, all around 1 p.m., reported devices at the Boston University Bridge and the Longfellow Bridge, both of which span the Charles River, at a Boston street corner and at the Tufts-New England Medical Center. The package near the Boston University bridge was found attached to a structure beneath the span, authorities said. Subway service across the Longfellow Bridge between Boston and Cambridge was briefly suspended, and Storrow Drive was closed as well. A similar device was found Wednesday evening just north of Fenway Park, police spokesman Eddy Chrispin said. Wanda Higgins, a 47-year-old Weymouth resident and a nurse at Massachusetts General Hospital, heard about the threat as she watched television news coverage while preparing to leave work at 4 p.m. "I saw the bomb squad guys carrying a paper bag with their bare hands," Higgins said. "I knew it couldn't be too serious." Messages seeking additional comment from the Atlanta-based Cartoon Network were left with several publicists. "Aqua Teen Hunger Force" is a cartoon with a cultish following that airs as part of the Adult Swim late-night block of programs for adults on the Cartoon Network. A feature length film based on the show is slated for release March 23. The cartoon also includes two trouble-making, 1980s-graphic-like characters called "mooninites," named Ignignokt and Err - who were pictured on the suspicious devices. They are known for making the obscene hand gesture depicted on the devices.