I'm an optimistic pessimist (or vice-versa).

I'm married and have a three-year old son who has my sense of humor but looks more like my wife, thank god.

I'm a lifelong New Yorker, so when you read this, try to hear it in Joe Pesci's voice, and do the hand movements, too.

I'm a book editor, which I think falls somewhere between token booth clerk and peep show janitor on the scale of sexy jobs.

I'm going to keep starting every sentence with the word "I'm" until you stop reading. I'm serious.

My turn-ons include bacon, bacon bits, and long walks through bacon. My turn-offs include war, famine, disease, poverty, and people who say "I did a 360" when they clearly mean 180.

If you elect me senior class president, I will wear my tiara proudly and try my hardest to make Osterberg High a place where knowledge can flower and mean people can just go find somewhere else to go to school. Go Fighting Weevils!

Sorry, no more Shoutbox. Too many telemarketers.

NO RACISTS, HOMOPHOBES, MISOGYNISTS, OR ANTI-SEMITES! BLIND HATRED WILL NOT BE TOLERATED OR LEFT UNCHALLENGED!