DATZ MiZZALPHA BiTCH 2 U's blog: "mA pOeMs N mA pErSoNaL rEfLeCtIoNz"

SOOO YEAH UR BACK...AND ALL i CAN WONDER 2 MYSELF iS WHAT NOW... i MUSNT GiVE UP ON HiM OR US...i MUST STiCK iT THROUGH...BUT HOW ALL i CAN THiNK BOUT iS HOW WONDERFUL iT WAS iN THA PAST... HOW UR LOVE FOR US SUBSIDED FOR HER...SO FAST... THA LOVE...U JUS KNEW iT WOULD LAST... HOW SO EASiLY THA NiRVANA U ONCE FELT...SLIPZ THROUGH UR FiNGERZ... OH AND THA PAiN...THAT JUS SEEMZ TO LiNGER... CLOUDZ UP UR MiND SO MUCH...WHATZ GONNA HAPPEN 2 US...A CONSTANT THOUGHT THAT HiNDERZ... DONT KNO WHAT U REALLY WANT FROM ME YO... FORGiVENESS...THATS A WORD THAT i DUN REALLY UNDERSTAND NO MO... U KNO HOW HARD iT iS 2 B ROUND U...2 TELL U THAT i LOVE U...WHEN NOT TOO LONG AGO i ONLY KNEW U AS A FOE... ALL THiS OVER SUM TRiFELiN...FAKE-ASS...CRAZY HOE... BUT i GUESS THATZ ALL iM WORTH...2 FiND...2 HAVE LOVE iN MA LiFE..MA HEART..THiS iZ WHAT i GOTTA GO THROUGH THO... MY SELF BEiN...MY WHOLE...MA SELF-ESTEEM..iTZ ATTA ALL TiME LOW... PLEASE DUN HURT ME AGAiN THiS TiME...i DUN THiNK i CANT HANDLE THA FEELiN OF THAT PAiN... AGAiN...i DUN WANNA B SURROUND THAT CONSTAiN RAiN... SO 2 WATCH MASELF...NA MA ACTiONZ...i GUESS iLL TRY N WATCH iN VAiN... iTZ ALL i CAN DO...N HOPE THAT THiS TiME...i DUN LOOSE...BUT i FiNALLY GAiN... i DUNNO YO...i WANT THA LiVEZ WE HAD B4... BUT i DUN WANT N-E-THiNG LESS...TRUELY i DUNNO HOW MUCH MORE PAiN i CAN TAKE N-E-MORE... i FEAR THA FEELiN i FELT WHEN MY HEART TORE... THiS TiME...MY HEEDZ...N MA WARNiNZ...i HOPE U DONT iGNORE... AFTER THiS TiME HUN...i AiNT GONNA B PLAYiN THA iDiOT... iM TiRED OF LOOKiN AT MYSELF iN THA MiRROR ASKiN MASELF Y THA HELL iM THA GiRL i DESPiSE...i DUN WANNA B LiKE DAT... MA NiGGAZ CAN SEE THA DiSRESPECT N THEY SiCK OF SEEiN ME LiKE THiS...SAYiN OH NO NOT THAT CAT... PLEASE DUN LEAVE ME HiGH N DRY... iM HATiN BEiN ABLE ONCE AGAiN 2 CRY DUN TELL ME NO MORE LiEZ... PUT DOWN UR NEWLY FOUND WALL...N WORK WIT ME... LETZ BUiLD AN EMPiRE 2GETHER...N SEE HOW HiGH R THRONEZ CAN BE... JUS TRUST ME...OPEN UP UR DOORZ 2 ME JUS 1 MORE TIME...U'LL SEE WOW...i GUESS i REALLY DO STiLL LOVE U Z...

i HOPE BY TELLiN U DiS i AiNT CROSSiN NO LiNE.... BUT i GOTTA TELL YA 2 ME UR NOT JUS 2 FUCKiN FiNE.... U GOT THiS AURA BOUT URSELF THAT'LL CHANGE N-E-RAiNY DAY 2 STRAiGHT SUNSHiNE.... GOT ME WiSHiN U WAS ALL MiNE.... WE'VE BEEN PARTNAZ 4 SOOO DAMN LONG.... PLEASE DUN THiNK iM LiKE ALL DEM OTHA BiTCHEZ WHO DUN DiD U WRONG.... THiNKiN BOUT U GOT ME FEELiN ALL GUSHY.... LiKE WHEN U LiSTENiN 2 A SAPPY LOVE SONG.... YA YA i KNO iTZ STARTiN 2 SOUND A LiL 2 MUSHY.... iM JUS TRYiN 2 GET OUT WHAT i GOTTA TELL YA WiTOUT SOUNDiN 2 PUSHY.... i WANNA LET THiS SECRET GO.... i JUS DUN WANNA LOOSE WHAT WE GOT GOiN THO... BUT THA BURDEN OF KEEPiN DiS FROM U i DUN WANNA XPERiANCE NO MO.... THiS SHiTS SO HARD i JUS WiSH U ALREADY KNEW.... GOTTA TELL YA NO MATTER WHAT U GONNA DO.... BUT HUN...AFTER ALL THESE YEARS OF BEiN PARTNAZ iVE FiNALLY FALLEN iN LOVE WiT U....

iN THA VERY END.... WiLL U B READY 2 DEFEND.... 2 B BENT AS FAR AS U CAN BEND.... PAiN U BEGiN 2 FiEN... 4 UR OWN WELL BEiN... 2 FiNALLY FiND THA TRU MEANiNG... UR LiFE STARTZ 2 MEAN NOTHING.. KEEP ON TELLiN URSELF LIFEZ GOTTZ 2 B WORTH SUMTHiNG.. BUT AFTER EVERYTHiNG iS SAiD N DUN U CANT REALLY DEAL WiT N-E-THiNG...

MY MANZ GONE.....AGAiN... 4 HOW LONG?...WHO KNOWZ...i DONT....iM SOOO L0ST N SCARED....AGAiN.... i HATE THiS...DONT GET ME WRONG, i LOVE MY MAN N i ALWAYZ WiLL...iLL NEVER TURN MY BACK ON HiM...i CANT...iVE TRiED... iT DOESNT WORK...i UNDERSTAND HE MADE A COMMiTMENT 2 PROTECT N BE HERE 4 ALL OF U SELFiSH FUCKZ N i COMEND HiM 4 iT.... BUT i WANT HiM HERE WiTH ME TOO.... WiT US... HiS FAMiLY N HiS FRiENDS...i WANNA B SELFiSH TOO...WHEN iS iT MY TURN 2 B SELFiSH...WHEN DO i GET 2 HAVE HiM 2 MYSELF... i DONT WANNA SHARE HiM N-E-MORE...WiT THA US WiT HiS JELiOUS HOEZ...WHAT BOUT HiS FAMiLY...WHEN DO THEY GET 2 HAVE HiM...i KNO HiS MOM WAS A MARiNE AND SHE UNDERSTANDS BUT iM SURE SHES UPSET TOO...iN FACT i KNO AS A MOTHER MYSELF SHES TERRiFiED...SHE JUST KNOWS HOW 2 HiDE iT BETTER THEN MOST... BUT i CANT NOR DO i WANNA N-E-MORE...i DONT SEE Y iTS WORTH iT N-E-MORE...THA WAR iS STUPiD N iT iS A WASTE OF OUR MENS LiVES...THERE BLOOD SWEAT N TEARS TO B WASTED FOR WHAT?... ANOTHER US iN ANOTHER COUNTRY?...OiL?... A GRUDGE?...A CORRUPT PREZ TRYiN 2 PROTECT HiS OWN ASS KUZ HE FUCKED UP...WiT OUR MENS LiVES?!?! N MY EYEZ iTZ A WASTE... i ASKED MY LiL BRO...MY LiL BRO THAT i RAiSED WiT MY OLDER BRO SO BASiCALLY MY SON WHOZ A MARiNE CURRENTLY iN iRAQ Y WE WERE STiLL THERE...N U KNO WHAT HiS RESPONSE WAS.....i DONT KNO N-E-MORE SiS.....BUT WHAT i DO KNO iS THAT i LOVE U, i LOVE MY COUNTRY AND i LOVE EVERY1 iN MY COUNTRY....AND THATS i GOTTA FULFiLL MY PROMiSE TO THA US,U, AND EVERY1 iN iT....TO KEEP YALL SAFE...MY BROZ BEEN MiSSiN FOR 3 ALMOST 4 MONTHS NOW AND THEY HAVE NO CLUE WHAT HAPPENED TO HiM...AND NOW ONCE AGAiN MY MAN iS HEADiN BACK OVER...2 AFGANiSTAN THiS TiME...BUT YA 2 MY MAN THiS iS HiS LiFE AND i WiLL CONTiNUE 2 STAND BY HiM...AND N-E AND ALL OF HiS BELiFES... NO MATTER WHAT....i JUS... i JUS HOPE THAT i MAKE HiM AS PROUD OF ME AS HE DOES ME....i LOVE HiM SOO MUCH HES iS SO STRONG AND AMAZiNG...EVEN THO i KNO i AM ALSO STRONG HE MAKES ME MORE SO....iM NOT READY 2 LOOSE HiM...i KNO i SHOULDNT TALK LiKE THAT BUT JUS LiKE B4....iM SCARED...i HATE WHEN HE LEAVES...i HATE NOT KNOWiN iF iLL SEE HiM ONE MORE TiME...TALK 2 HiM ONE MORE TiME...2 B ABLE 2 TOUCH HiM ONE MORE TiME...OR 2 EVEN B ABLE 2 FEEL HiS TOUCH ONE MORE TiME....EVERONE iN MY LiFE THiNX iM THiS SUPERWOMAN...WHO HAS NO EMOTiONZ...WHO NEVER CRYZ...OR GETS SCARED...OR FREAKZ OUT...WELL GUESS WHAT i AM DOiN ALL THE ABOVE RiGHT NOW...iN FACT iVE BEEN LiKE THAT ALL DAY 2DAY...iM NOT THAT SUPERWOMAN YALL SEE i JUS KNO HOW 2 FAKE iT TO MAKE iT SPECiALLY FOR MY KiD... BUT JUS LiKE YALL... i CRY WHEN SCARED OR HURT....i FREAK OUT WHEN iT GETS HARD OR iNTENSE...i CURL UP iNA BALL AT NiGHT N CRY MYSELF 2 SLEEP KUZ i DONT KNOW WHAT ELSE TO DO...i AM A SUPER WOMAN BUT NOT RiGHT NOW.... OR FOR A LiL WHiLE....

Just walk away.... you said it 2night u win ur right i give up i no longer wanna fight we will no longer talk like we did 2day we will both just walk away.... you dont gotta call please dont check up on me at all we just gotta take it n stand tall im sorry i never ment 4 u 2 fall.... 4 me again... i dont really kno where to begin i loved you i still love you im pretty sure you still knew im so hurt i dont kno what 2 do im sooo happy for u 2 good luck with ur life boo..... i kno u read this im sorry for everything good luck with ur relationship n everything but ya we will talk again.......1day.......muah......

The way you play the Box of Condoms Game is you have to come up with one item to take to the register with a box of condoms to make the cashier raise an eyebrow. No repeats Paul - a package of Depends adult diapers Jennifer - a disposable camera Erika - toilet cleaner brush Renée ~ Car air fresheners Cari~ a home pregnancy kit Joelle~ Scissors Danielle~Duct Tape...(Joelle yours is super funny!!!) Amber~tire pump Eric ~ quart of motor oil Mo ~ dog treats Cory - Crisco (loiw fat of course) Matt ~ Baby Wipes Joel ~ Bottle of penicillin Katie~ Can of frosting and sprinkles Keith~A bottle of Percacet and a bottle of Vicadin. (spelling?) Triston~Monopoly Board Game Holly- a mother's day card Stacia ~ A bag of ice Kate- a barbie Anakela - An electric razor. Via - Gerbil food Tyson - a plunger Camie- tampax supermaxies Jessica~ RID lice killer Jocelyn ~ a jar of peanut butter Miley~Anbasol Roxanne~Bananas Deadlegs - With the duct tape add some popsicle sticks. ( The mothers day card was a great one) Shannon- denture cream Shawna~hemorroid cream Jennifer~ A slip and slide Justin-- 50 toobs of ky and a kiddy pool Lisa-- latex gloves, a turkey baster, and a jar of honey hope- a single tooth brush (the RID one was awesome.) DLUV-Fucking cat litter SaM--a cat Chris- A teddy bear Josh- spark plugs Louisa-special Saranwrap KnoGood- a tube of orjel! Lil lady x from tha 6*1*9- chocolate sauce whip cream CHERRIES of course n a karma sutra book =)

Wow im like sooo faded riight now i need mandingo like really really baaad i miss ma man!!!=( im like sooo bored so if ur black n ur cute hit me up on yahoo messenger ladyxxxtasy20!!! but chea luv yall muahz!!!!

My Darling, How I miss your touch I miss your whisper of "I love you so much" Your love is so sweet, so gentle, so tender So wonderful - just like the sender My love for you is so true and so deep I pray that my love you will forever keep I love you more each and every day I love you, Baby - in every way I love it when you Grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr! ! ! ! ! OMG - that makes me Purrrrrrrrrrr! ! ! ! Tenessee - is where I want to be Me pleasing you and you pleasing me I want to be touching you - skin to skin Baby - I am ready for our life to begin I am counting the days until then You will long for love - never again I will love you like crazy for the rest of your life You will have the best friend, lover and wife I want to be your everything I want to be what makes your heart sing I love you, Darling - please never doubt I love you so much - I want to Shout Until we are together again - hold me in your heart I am holding you in mine - as I have from the start

uHHHH im sooo fukin sik i feel like shit hahaha im dying haha naw im not and i kno im not but geez its hott as fuk i keep gittin a fever n i keep poppin tyolnols like thizzlez n they aint workin hahaha n im puffin weed like a fukkin hypie n its not workin i still feel like shit n sik just a dizzy really happy shitty sik feelin jajaja oppz hahaha thats what i tell mags is a stoners laugh n ya im keepin it n talkin bout it kuz yooh kno y??? kuz ima stoner n im too lazy to erase it n ive writtin so much already so far to erase it would b dumb hahaha duh but ya uhhh im tired of this shit hahaha ive had a sore throat for like 2 n a half weeks now straight like swollen n ugly lookin n fukin painful to swollow talk n breathe haha it hurts to breathe thats notr good right?!?!?! n now ive been gittin fevers of like 104 n above hahaha thats fukkin hot mayne my reg temp is 97.6 so right now i feel like im on FIRE, FIRE, FIIIiiiiIIRE!!!!!! gagaga ya ya another stoner laugh for yall haha thats what i git for not lookin at tha keyboard n-e-wayz yuppz hahaha ur girl is feelin hella lousy haha last night i was sooo fukin hot i was trippin i was talkin to tha homeboy n i kept feelin peepz behind me like i dun kno if yall do this but i can feel people when they r near me so i kept turnin round no 1 NO1!!!!!!!!! OH SHIT HAHAHA then i would take my headphones out kuz id feel/hear thumpin on tha ground now with my sis house yooh can hear/feel people walk i did so im like koo tha kids home or koo ma sis home NEGATIVE!!!!! no1 NO1 AGAIN!!!!! oh fuk this shit i was like i need to git off tha comp n go lay down n as i was doin that tha fambam came home oh mayne hahaha now 2day im hot again but atleast i aint trippin like last night that shit was scary n wierd hahaha n if it happenes again 2night im tellin ma sis when she git home to watch aliya n im walkin ma fatass to tha hospital kuz haha ya no car car in shop manda not psycho but felt hella psycho tha other night but ya hahaha im bored n im tired n im pissed kus i havent been able to run for like 2 nights now this will b 3 i feel fat n lazy kuz ya tha weed is makin me eat n im not really keepin up on my crunches kuz ya i cough alot n it feels like my chest is on fire sumtimes after a coughin session...well yall its been nice writin but ya im go blow n a blunt right quick n pass out luvez yall muahz!!!!!

im finally sittin here with a smile on ma face but i still gott my tissues here just in case damn...not again i feel my heart begin to race my eyes burn like ive just been sprayed with mace no...tha tears i no longer wanna taste while i cry all i think bout is how im such a waste but then i think back 2 last night i kno yooh hate 2 see me cry so i kept my tears bak with all my might but hunz my happiness n pain are ina real fight even now my chest feels tight i make my tears stop for now i made em stop?? wow..... something bout last night has made me changed my feelings no more tryin to stop my cryin by lookin at tha ceiling no more puttin ma life on hold watchin tha paint on tha wallz peeling im leavin this bitch i jus need to git away from this shit i open tha door tha bright light from tha sun blinds me but i dont even flinch i stand at tha top of tha stoop my body starts convusin ina fit but im not scared not even a lil bit i smile kuz i kno its the old me comin back into me i jump down tha stairs n flee i must look crazy kuz peepz that usually say hi 2 me let me be i run n run till i feel like i can no longer breathe i stop... wait...amanda y must yooh stop? i tell myself keep goin manda dont stop till yooh drop i find tha highest hill n i run to tha top now i stop... i stand there my lungs hurt my heart aches i start thinkin bout how my lifes been sucha flop but 4 once since my loss i tell myself no its not n as long as i keep tryin it never will be 4 once since my loss i relize how much i really do still love me im finally able 2 aknowledge that she is me n i am she and 4 once since my loss i now finally feel free my heart is no longer filled with hurt my tears will no longer stain my shirt suicide...i will no longer fall for ur flirt i have 2 much 2 live for my daughter, my man, my fam n sooo much more ya my heart tore but without the above in ma life im nothin but poor this whole time i thought i was a no1 i hated myself so much till i took this run now i kno that i am tha one myself, i will no longer shun i love me, she loves me, n he loves me i dont kno why or how this can be but i now kno im finally free =)