Dazed's blog: "life"

So Yeah.... I went to a friend from works wedding this weekend. Well it was a vow renewal. It was a beautiful ceremony. Her colors were yellow and white, and while the person "officiating" over it forgot to turn the mic off when she left the hall and pointed her mistakes out for everyone, it was awesome. You can tell that after being married 5 years that they still love and care VERY deeply for one another.... While I was sitting there I kept thinking about how much I want what they have. You know, someone who wants to be with me and only me, through the good and the bad. I wonder if I'll ever find that. Don't get me wrong. I love my life where it's at. I have a "new" job with one of the Subsidiaries and have the control that I've wanted. My new boss is AWESOME even when I bug him over the simplest things. Its also fun to bug the accountant....(don't think it fair that the accountant is a cutie, but yeah) I'm the only female in the department hell i am the AP department! ha ha ha! But I don't know, I just want to have someone who I can go home to and talk about my day to or just curl up and watch a movie, or go to the beach, someone who will hold me close when I need it or a something. I don't know. I feel that I'll never find that. It's one or the other. Work or a relationship. Doesn't seem fair does it? *sigh* well Yeah.... Maybe some day.... God Has a plan, but I would like to have a little insite to what it is sometimes you know! Come on just a little peak! On another note, while at the ceremony I did think of one person. Don't ask just started wondering how he was. Hadn't really thought of him in a while. Damn i hate weddings sometimes! they make a person think! Well maybe god will give me a peak soon. I'd really like it! G'nite, day, afternoon ....well you get the point!

I sent this to a friend of mine on myspace... he couldn't give me any insight. maybe some of you can... lets see if you can answer this for me..... A guy hit on me at the store last week gave me his number and I was hesitant to call. When I did call he was on his way home and said he would call me back later that night.... He didn't and I haven't talked to him since Saturday. He was all "Yeah I wanna get to know you you're beautiful and you seem intelligent. I call you later tonite, I REALLY want to talk to you" and all that BS you know... Why do guys get all pissy when you question them and think you are paranoid, but they do the exact thing you expect them to do? I think I may just become a NUN DAMNIT! AHHHHHHH

So I've been asking god for a sign. Something, anything about whether or not I should or if I'm even READY to start dating again. I haven't been the first to jump up and say "oh yeah lets go out!" Or even if a guy compliments me I just shake my head and say "uh huh ok" and just kinda gloss over it and not believe it. I just don't want to go there again. So anyway this guy asked me out on Friday I said maybe and got his number. I gave him a call on Saturday talked to him for a few minutes and haven't heard anything. It wasn't a big conversation just "yeah just wanted to make sure you weren't giving me the looser hot line or something!" He said he really wanted to talk to me and would give me a call later....Anyone ever seen Euro-trip? Scottie from Ohio, this guys name is Scott..and hes going to school here but hes originally from Ohio... strange I thought. Anyways. Like I said before I have been looking for some kind of sign. So today I couldn't take sitting at my desk anymore so I went for a quick walk around the block. So when I was Turing one of the corners there was a single rose sitting on the ground. That is strange because there aren't any roses on that particular block, its pretty much just corporate offices and such. So I picked it up and have been wondering if it is meant to be the sign I've been asking for. *sign* Life would be so much easier if there were signs to point out the sings like a big reg and white sign that's an arrow pointing at it saying "HEY LOOK ITS A SIGN ITS OK TO GO OUT WITH THIS GUY!" Type thing....Oh well..

So this morning my boss called me into his office. This isn't unusual as I am Lead and we have little meetings throughout the week, but we are scheduled to have one tomorrow. I thought it may have been an update about one of our girls who is out due to a difficult regency, but it wasn't. He asked if I had talked to Sara during the week, which I haven't with trying to keep up with my work and our other girls. He told me that she had given her two week notice yesterday. This shocked me as she is a VERY talkative person and can be quite annoying at times. I asked him why and he said she said it was to "stressful". When he told me this I gave him a look. Stress! Stress is what I went though in August when I was the only one posting EVERYTHING! She's only doing a specific invoice and even then she's asking for help and asking the same damn questions over and over! And to top it off she was SO SLOW! I've been telling him from the beginning I don't think she'd be able to handle it come the busy season. Now back to my question. Am I a horrible person for wanting to do the happy dance and sing "I told you I told You I told you" when he told me? Not that I really care because its how I truly feel. She can be a nice person but I don't see the "experience" that she said she had AT ALL!

Ok my Bleepin car died on me AGAIN! I'm looking into buying a new one, but I still want to save up for the down payment so i don't have to finance so much. I put 140 into my current car like 2 weeks again and i'm having the same bleeping problem again! I'm going to to crazy if i keep having this problem.... sigh can't someone just give me 14000 so that I dont have to finance and pay 6-8% interests! Pretty please... i'll be your best friend... this really sucks... Sigh I hate car problem!

So I was minding my own business and one of my friends on here decided to post a New Kids On The Block video. Now I have liked NKOTB since as long as I can remember, even though the broke up when I was 7 or something like that. But ever since I saw that video I have been remembering how much I liked the group and the music. So I ordered the CD's for my IPOD and have been listening to Hangin' Tough all day at work. I still have two VHS's of there's one of music videos and the other of a concert. I can remember when I used to have slumber parties and we HAD to watch the concert one at LEAST once that night. I think at one point in time my cousin and I used to know ALL the dance moves to the songs, which is kinda scary to me. My friends and I used to all play barbies together and I had a Jordan doll, ( Yes he was my favorite) and a one legged Jon Doll. I have no idea how he ended up with one leg. We all used to fight over who's Barbie Jordan would marry. ha ha Ahhhh the memories. I can remember getting angry when I was at the babysitters house and just taking my Walkman and my NKOTB tape ( you know those plastic things with a kind of film in them) and go out side walk around listening to it. I would come back 15 Minn later or so and feel so much better. I would still have to say that I'll Be Loving You Forever is my all time favorite song. I still remember all the lyrics even though I haven't really listened to the songs in such a long time. I've never been a real big fan of other "boy bands" N'sync, Basckstreet Boys ect. You know I'm only 21 and they were really big when I was around 5 and even younger, but I still find myself getting into arguments with people when they say they sucked. I liked them. Still do in fact. You know what's funny though my little brother you know the 14yrold, he found the tapes a while ago and I remember coming home finding him watching them and learning the dance moves.... Just thinking about that makes me smile. Also.... even though they are all a bit older than me, id still do them ha ha!

I feel like the worst granddaughter in the world. My Grandpa had a heart attack some time last week, the doctors are even sure when it happened. I found out on Friday night when my grandma called to tell me. I tried to be strong and not cry for her sake but I couldn't hold it in for too long. I intended to go visit him on Saturday but all I could see in my head was my grandpa hooked up to IV's and having tubes and machines hooked up and starting to get tearie eyed. It hurts to just imagine him like that. I don't want to see it. So I didn't go on Saturday. I told myself i would go today, but I couldn't bring myself to go again. I Started getting choked up and didn't want to show my weakness in front of him. From the sounds of it he is doing much better than he was when he first went in, but just talking and thinking about what could have happened makes me start to cry. I can't imagine my papa not being here. Or Maybe its that I can see it and I don't like it. I don't know but I feel like the worst grandchild in the world because i haven't gone to see him or even talked to him (hes in the ICU) I've talked to my grandma and gotten her updates about how he's doing. Now that I have successfully made myself cry for the third time today I think I'll stop writing. I hope that anyone that reads this will keep my grandpa in their prayers. Thanks