Oilfieldmom's blog: "Life and Relationships"

I was sitting here reading through some e-mails when my phone rang...it was my first x-husband. He was having a bad day and he was having problems at home. I have always been friends with him, well all of my ex's for that matter and I realized that no matter what our differences were while we were married we still remain friends to this day. I have always had more men friends then women. Men are more comfortable to be around then women. I listened and gave my advice and/or opinion and he finally started calming down. The reality of these relationships is that no matter what has happened in the past....should stay in the past and that life does go on. Especially if you have childern together. In our case we have childern and grandchildern together. We had some really bad times in our marriages(I married him twice) and even though it could have really torn us apart the fact of the matter is that until the day that we die we still have ties to each other and at some point in time we will have to see each other. I am thankful that I have this friendship with both of my ex-husbands. I know that if I need someone to talk to I can always call one of them and they will listen to me rant or cry...no matter what the situation is....well, I hope someday that I find another love in my life....but if not then it just wasnt meant for me...life does go on.....

WHAT I'VE LEARNED ABOUT LIFe I've learned that we don't have to change friends if we understand that friends change I've learned that no matter how good a friend is, they're going to hurt you every once in a while and you must forgive them for that. I've learned that true friendship continues to grow, even over the longest distance. The same goes for true love. I've learned that you can do something in an instant that will give you heartache for life. I've learned that you cannot make someone love you. All you can do is be someone who can be loved.The rest is up to them. I've learned that no matter how much I care, some people just don't care back. I've learned that it takes years to build up trust, and only seconds to destroy it. I've learned that it's not what you have in your life but who you have in your life that counts I've learned that you can do something in an instant that will give you heartache for life. I've learned that it's taking me a long time to become the person I want to be. I've learned that you should always leave loved ones with loving words. It may be the last time you see them. I've learned that you can keep going long after you think you can't. I've learned that we are responsible for what we do, no matter how we feel. I've learned that either you control your attitude or it controls you. I've learned that learning to forgive takes practice. I've learned that there are people who love you dearly, but just don't know how to show it. I've learned that just because someone doesn't love you the way you want them to doesn't mean they don't love you with all they have. I've learned that it isn't always enough to be forgiven by others. Sometimes you have to learn to forgive yourself I've learned that no matter how bad your heart is broken the world doesn't stop for your grief.

I have had my first one nite stand....I didnt want it to be that way, but that is just the way things happened....It makes you rethink a lot of things. I really thought that I was too old for that but I guess your age doesnt matter. Most of my sexual relationships were also ongoing relationships, whether it was months or years. I have one in particular that has lasted for almost 21 years on again off again. The one nite stand made me think about how I look and see people. I understand that it wasnt suppose to happen BUT it did. At the same time I thought that slowing down and taking it one day at a time was going to fix things. Guess what? It didnt, the word used is a harsh word but I can't think of a different word to replace it. I really thought that I could care about this person and the feeling would be mutual. It wasnt, now I feel guilty for even considering what we did and I shouldnt have to feel that way. And yes, it actually does hurt. I didnt think it would but then if you sit and rethink everything it does....OMG!!! I even had tears in my eyes!! I thought I was stronger then that but I guess not. Lesson learned. Time doesnt always tell what is going to happen....and I will definitely rethink the age bracket again. It wasnt fair to me, and it wasnt fair to him by all rights. I wont let this happen again. I am a better person then that. Ok, I think I am done thinking about all of this....maybe??

In this new life of being single I have aquired some new men friends, one of them is a really arrogant male who trys to show his dominance...of course I just play right along with him....he makes me laugh at his male toughness....I have known him for 19 years and didnt have a clue that he had the ...ummm...as he puts it the "hots" for me? That made me laugh but hey...he is a grown man now and at the time that I first met him he was just another kid to me.....and my other friend is a soft spoken,intelligent,kind person who wouldnt hurt another soul if his life depended on it....I tend to lean towards the soft spoken one because he makes me laugh, he touches my soul like no other man ever has. He can make a person feel really good about themselves just by the words that he says. I do hope that I make him feel the same way that he makes me feel...I'm not quite sure how that one is going to play out. Even though secretly I hope it works but only he has the last say as to what life is going to bring to him. I know that I talk alot about relationships and the ups and downs of mine...but sometimes talking about them can make you feel different...especially if you can read them. I dont expect anyone else to learn from what I have experienced except me. But, at the same time if someone else has gone through what I have been through atleast they know that they arent alone...