TROJAN CONDOM COMPANY, INC.
6969 SLIPPERY ROOT DRIVE
DROP TROUSER, NC 21692
May,07,2005
Dear Mr. TomTom
We regret to inform you that we have rejected your applications to model and represent our product, Trojan Condoms.
Although your general physical appearance is not displeasing, our Board of Directors feel that your wearing our product in advertisements does not portray a positive, romantic image for our product. A loose, baggy, and wrinkled condom is not considered romantic.
We did admire your efforts to try and keep it on by using Poly-Grip, but even then it slipped off before we could get the photographs taken. We would like to note, however, that your's is the first we have seen that looked like a bicycle grip.
We appreciate your interest, and would like to thank you for your time. We will retain your application for possible future consideration. If by chance we decide there is a market for mini-condoms, we will contact you.
We send greetings and sympathy to your female companions.
Sincerely,
Burley Dick, President
TROJAN CONDOM COMPANY, INC.
Remember our slogans:
Don't be silly...protect your Willie!
Cover your stump before you hump!
Never deck her with an unwrapped pecker!
Before you attack her, wrap your whacker!
If you're not going to sack it, go home and whack it!
A tisket, a tasket, a condom or a casket!
Don't be fool, vulcanize your tool!
If you think she is spunky, cover your monkey!
When in doubt, shroud you sprout!
If you go into heat, package your meat!
Wrap before you leap, or stick to sheep!
