FaDeD jOkEr's blog: "JUST 4 DA HELL OF IT"

The boyfriend said, "We're going to have a GREAT time Saturday. I've gotten three tickets for the big game." "Why do we need three ?" asked the girl. "They're for your Father, Mother, and kid sister." he replied with a sheepish grin.

A burglar was going through a condo, he came across a parrot, and the parrot said, "God is watching you." The burglar just ignored it. The parrot said, more loudly this time, "God is watching you, and Jesus is coming!" The burglar asked the parrot, "If you're so smart, then what's your name?" The parrot replied, "Moses." "What kind of moron names a parrot Moses?" laughed the burglar. The parrot replied, "The same fool who named his two pit bulls God and Jesus."

Brad had a blind date with Ashley for the prom and, as the evening progressed, he found himself attracted to her more and more. After some really passionate embracing, he said, "Tell me, do you object to making love?" "That's something I have never done before," Ashley replied. "Never made love? You mean you are a virgin?" Brad was amazed. "No, silly!" she giggled. "I've never objected!"

A blonde had a near death experience that changed her life forever. One day she went horseback riding. Everything was going fine until the horse started bouncing out of control. She tried with all her might to hang on, but was thrown off. Just as she was plummeting towards the ground, her foot got caught in the stirrup. When this happened, she felt the top half of her body slam to the ground. Her head continued to bounce harder as the horse did not stop or even slow down. Just as she was giving up hope and losing consciousness, the store manager came and unplugged it.

Two bored casino dealers are waiting at the crap table. A very attractive blonde woman arrived and bet twenty thousand dollars ($20,000) on a single roll of the dice. She said, "I hope you don't mind, but I feel much luckier when I'm completely nude. With that, she stripped from the neck down, rolled the dice and yelled, "Come on, baby, Mama needs new clothes!" As the dice came to a stop she jumped up and down and squealed... "YES! YES! I WON, I WON!" She hugged each of the dealers and then picked up her winnings and her clothes and quickly departed. The dealers stared at each other dumfounded. Finally, one of them asked, "What did she roll?" The other answered, "I don't know - I thought you were watching." MORAL: Not all blondes are dumb, but all men are men.

It's the Spring of 1957 and Bobby goes to pick up his date. He's a pretty hip guy with his own car. When he goes to the front door, the girl's father answers and invites him in. "Carrie's not ready yet, so why don't you have a seat?," he says. "That's cool" says Bobby. Carrie's father asks Bobby what they're planning to do. Bobby replies politely that they will probably just go to the soda shop or a movie. Carrie's father responds "why don't you two go out and screw? I hear all the kids are doing it." Naturally, this comes as a quite a surprise to Bobby-so he asks Carrie's Dad to repeat it. "Yeah," says Carries father, "Carrie really likes to screw; she'll screw all night if we let her!" Well, this just made Bobby's eyes light up, and his plans for the evening was beginning to look pretty good. A few minutes later, Carrie comes downstairs in her little poodle skirt and announces that she's ready to go. Almost breathless with anticipation, Bobby escorts his date out the front door. About 20 minutes later, Carrie rushes back into the house, slams the door behind her, and screams at her father: " DANGIT DADDY....! IT'S CALLED THE TWIST..!"

There was a young virgin that was going out on a date for the first time and she told her grandmother about it. Her grandmother says, "Sit here and let me tell you about those young boys. He is going to try to kiss you; you are going to like that, but don't let him do that." She continued, "He is going to try to feel your breast; you are going to like that, but don't let him do that. He is going to try to put his hand between your legs; you are going to like that, but don't let him do that. Then the grandmother said, "But, most importantly, he is going to try to get on top of you and have his way with you. You are going to like that, but don't let him do that. It will disgrace the family." With that bit of advice in mind, the granddaughter went on her date and could not wait to tell her grandmother about it. The next day she told her grandmother that her date went just as the old lady said. She said, "Grandmother, I didn't let him disgrace the family. When he tried, I turned him over, got on top of him and disgraced his family."

A blond guy with two badly burned ears went to the emergency room for medical treatment. "What happened?" asked the doctor. "Well, my wife was ironing while I was watching the ballgame on TV," began the man. "She put the hot iron near the telephone, and when the phone rang, I answered the iron." The doctor nodded. "But what happened to the other ear?" "Well, no sooner had I hung up," said the blond man, "when the same guy called back again."

A blonde walks into a Pharmacy and asks a clerk for some bottom deodorant. The pharmacist overhears and is a little bemused. He explains to the woman that they don't sell bottom deodorant, and never have. Unfazed, the blonde assures the pharmacist that she has been buying the stuff from this store on a regular basis, and would like some more. "I'm sorry," says the pharmacist, "we don't have any." We just have underarm deodorants. "But I always get it here," says the blonde. "Do you have the container it comes in?" "Yes!" said the blonde, "I will go and get it." About an hour later, she returns with the container and hands it to the pharmacist who looks at it and says to her, "This is just a normal stick of underarm deodorant." Annoyed, the blonde snatches the deodorant back and reads out loud from the package, "To apply, push up bottom."

So there's this blonde checkout girl, and one of the items in the customer's basket just won't scan. The supervisor comes over and says "We'll enter it manually: you read out the bar code & I'll type it in". So the checkout girl goes "Oookaayy.. Thick-line, Thick-line, Thin-line, Thick-line..."