it dont matter what people try and tell me, i will believe till my dieing day, my mom is gone because of my stupidity. if i wasnt where i was on valentines day then she wouldnt of been so majorly disapointed in me to actually kill her inside and out. i totaly hate myself for the decisions i made , how could i be that stupid to be with a guy that hurt me and my family so much, when he first left me i shouldnt of turned back or even gave a second glance i shoulda just raised my head and walked away, but no i let him hurt me over and over to the point of physical pain,and truelly thought i was happy.no matter how many times i pray to my mom for forgiveness it wont bring her back or change the pain i feel.i truely hate myself for what i did.if i wasnt where i was then id still be with my mom to this day and we would have our big mothers day dinner today that we cooked together all day long.she would be able to see her grandkids grow to be adults and parents of there own, she woulda seen me be happy again with my first true love the one that she thought of till her dieing day as a son she never had, she woulda been so happy to see us get back together, we would sit and talk about it&she would say how shed like to see it happenen,say how sure u hurt each other and pissed each other off but not to the point of harming each other or physical pain. i hate myself for taking away her future by disapointing her so much to the point that the last words she ever said to me was "thanks for stabbing me in the back" i hear them over and over each day and will till it kills me. people try and tell me it was her time, but it was her time cuz i fast forwarded it on her. she was young and in perfect health and that was proven when she was able to donate her organs including her heart which is the rarest organ to be able to be donated. if i could change what i did in the past even 3 mths i would in a heartbeat, but i cant so my decisions i made are gonna kill me like it did my mom.
for those who say im trying to get "attention" fuck you fuck off u dont know the pain im in or what i been thru
