Once again I managed to go and completely ruin a good thing... I opened my mouth and said something I probably shouldn't have. I ruined a great friendship in the process... Oh everything that was said was completely innocent, but the timing was horrible. Now I am one friend less and completely disgusted at myself for just being me.
I just don't know what it is about me... I can never say the right things at the right time. It could go back to the depression/anxiety, who knows... I just know that I always seem to be on the wrong end of poor timing. I don't know if I scared her off because of my nervousness or if I just said the wrong thing... What ever it was I feel absolutely horrible about the whole thing. =-(
What hurts the most is that she doesn't want to talk to me anymore or even be friends... I messed things up bad enough, I was lucky that even told me that much. It did lessen the hurt some what that she did tell me something though... I mean, it almost went where she just cut me off entirely with no explanation... She said she wanted to break our communication/friendship to spare my feelings since they were not the same, which is fine. I just don't think she understood how much it hurt me that she almost went without saying anything at all.
I am not, nor will I ever place any blame on her for the matter. I got the wrong idea or the wrong vibe I guess you could say, and I take responsibility for that. I just wish would could have stayed friends. Yeah, she doesn't feel the same way, but I would not have let that affect our friendship at all. It wouldn't be the first time I've done that and at the rate... Probably won't be the last.
I seem to be doomed to be forever single, always getting the "Let's be friends", "I'm sorry I gave you the wrong impression", all of which are my own fault. Yeah I have been manipulated before, but... More often than not I catch on and end things there. This time was just the usual screw up by the idiot that is me. I don't know... Maybe I just deservet to be alone after all.
