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1. Heaven Tonight H.I.M Razorblade Romance I think that this has to be my favorite song because I just love the lyrics, and I don’t care if you all think its all emo and crap. I love it!! And im sure that you all will to if you just listen to it. 2. I’m So Sick Flyleaf ~Self titled~ Flyleaf is the best girl screaming that ive heard in awhile. Seriously, and I love the fact that they can be religious and send powerful messages through powerful songs. Plus come on Lacey is totally hot. Lol 3. The Pot Tool 10,000 Days I crank up the radio so loud when this song comes on. Im afraid that ill blow my speakers, but the Bass in this is so awesome and I want to learn it so badly. Cause who doesn’t want to know how to play the bass part in this song. Tool just gets better and better everytime I hear them ^^ 4. Happy? Mudvayne Lost and Found This song is like my pseudo-angry at the world song. I listen to this and think, “Ya fuckers you happy now bitches!” its kinda refreshing to get that all out and makes me want to scream and shout and then feel better. Scary I know. 5. Land Of Confusion Disturbed Ten Thousand Fists I think this song is so awesome, cause dude it’s a remake of a Phil Collins song and I love Phil Collins lol. Disturbed just makes it more edgy and well Disturby lol not like that’s a real word or anything. But its cool that people can appreciate new outlooks on older classics, plus it’s a refreshing message. 6. Marrakesh Night Market Loreena McKinnett The Mask and the Mirror Loreena McKinnett is what I play when I want to unwind from a completely stressful day. Her voice is so amazing and she takes you to places all over the world. Adapting folk songs from all over the world, this song is no different. This song makes me envision myself walking through a middle eastern market place. 7. Since U Been Gone Kelly Clarkson Breakaway Lol this song has a huge place in my heart cause it reminds me of Mack. Singing this at the top of our lungs on the way to the airport was a wonderful part of my memory. Sad, but still memorable. 8. The Phantom of the Opera From the Opera and Musical (both original London cast recording and movie) Cast recording I am a huge Phantom of the Opera fan. I love everything about the musical and the movies. Except some of the movies sucked major ass, BUT! That never deterred me from loving everything from Micheal Crawford and Sarah Brightmans voices to Emma Rosebaum and Gerard Butlers voices. The love story is so painful, but so pure that you cant help but fall in love with it. (this should be at the top, but this seriously trumps all other songs and/or albums) 9. Coming Undone KoRn See You On The Other Side The music video for this is so freaking trippy that I love the song even more lol. Havent you ever felt like you were going to just come undone or unglued at something and just unravel. I know ive had a lot of times in my life that I felt that I was going to just breakdown and flip out cause of stuff that was going down. This song just lets me remind myself of how well Im starting to manage my mental state lol. 10. My Immortal Evanescence Fallen It was a hard last choice, but I love Evanescence and they, just like flyleaf, have huge messages in beautiful songs. I like how Amy Lee is so out there and new in her music and she writes her own lyrics which makes me love it even more. Evanescence was the first concert that I ever went to @ the Fillmore and it blew me away how she could capture the audience and take them to places in her music. Its completely amazing! (p.s. i have a really special song that i really didnt put up, because it reminds me of a really important person in my life. the song is called Time After Time and whenever i hear it, i know that im loved and they should know that when they hear it that they are loved completely.)

Ok somehow im seriously irate about all this shit that is going on. Im stressed out because of work. And as i have said that im leaving PetSmart on Dec. 2nd i figured that it would just be a peaceful transaction and i wouldnt be as mad as i am right now. Well i was totally wrong. First ive realized and come to terms with the fact that my manager has been cutting me back hours because she obviously wants me to leave. I dont understand what she has against me and how I do my job. I do my job like im supposed to. If you look on my record i dont have multiple write-ups and complaints against me. I do my job the way that its supposed to be done. I have only called in sick and/or left sick 4 times! since May 2005. Ive been late once because my car wipers flipped out on me in a rain storm. I am a hard worker and I took crap like no other. My store manager liked to tell me that im "unefficent" because im not getting buisness and im not smiling all the time when im at work. What the Fuck are they on? I would think that if i saw a person smiling all the time if they were on something. Plus her and the salon manager are HUGE fucking hypocrites. The store manager doesnt always smile, and the salon manager says that she can work with our availabilty, but doesnt know how to stick to a schedule to save her life. She says that we cant leave early and yet she leaves 6 hours before her shift actually ends. WTF is that? How can she expect to gain the trust of her employees if she is a fucking moron? There is only so much that one person can take up the ass and be expected to grin and bear it. But ive reached that point and as much as I would like to punch both my managers in the face and leave them gurgling in their own blood, i have to take this as a learning experience and move on. this doesnt help when a dog comes in and i knew that it was matted and that it was most likely better off shaved and that I should have just said no. But i spent an hour tortuing this dog, and yes she bit me multiple times and it fucking hurt. But I understood that the dog wanted me to stop and I seriously should have. I put that dog through unnecessary torture and I feel so bad about it. Plus in an a vain effort to bite me again the dog bit her tongue and bled everywhere. I was so stressed out about it that I had Rachel call the owner and talk to her cause I couldnt. I should have known better than to take that dog in. I just felt that I was obligated to take it because she was convinced that it was brushable. I just wished that they listened to me and understood that I knew that it was a bad idea and that I wasnt comfortable taking that dog and being told that I could brush it. I was so mad that I didnt just say no, that I didnt want to do it because I knew that it wasnt a good idea. But I didnt want to get yelled at again because I was creating conflict in the salon. I cant really take that. Im not creating conflict in the salon. But I expect to get yelled at by my managers tomorrow for this. I know that they are going to be pissed at me for making that decision and for not charging her what I was supposed to. Cause apparently I dont like to overcharge and gouge costumers. Interesting... I will be happy if tomorrow just goes smoothly, but i know that it wont because I have the Kramer dogs on my schedule and I just know something is going to happen. I pray for my sanity everytime I fucking walk into that place.

i dont really understand that word, Emo. I mean i know that its short for emotional, but wtf why am i always called an emo? Ive just brushed it off and thought ha ha right emo whatever, but its starting to annoy me now. Do i seriously look like a "emo"? no im hardly an emo, if we are thinking about the same emo. ya i listen to some music that people have labeled emo, so does that make me emo? i also listen to rock, metal, opera, folk, and more. but somehow emo has been my fucking label. im really quite sick of that label to be completely honest, cause people will just think that i whine all the time and slit my wrists. well to fucking bad! im not slitting my wrists and im not going to whine about anything cause if people dont want to listen to me and call me emo then i wont say anything at all. and if it seems like im slightly irritated, then your right. im just having a crappy week and some people arent helping.

Is it so hard to believe our hearts are made to be broken by love then in constand dying lies the beauty of it all my darling won't you feel the sweet heaven in our endless cry oh at least you could try for this one last time ever amazed how bright are the flames we are burning in ever smiled at the tragedies we hold inside won't you cherish the fear of live that keeps you and me so alive ------------------------------------------------- let me wake up in your arms, you say it's not alright let me be so dead and gone, so far away from life close my eyes, hold me tight and bury me deep inside your heart all I ever wanted was you my love you're all I ever wanted you, my love let me never see the sun, never see you smile let us be so dead and so gone so far away from life just close my eyes, hold me tight and bury me deep inside your heart ------------------------------------------------- I hold your hand in mine I hold your hand and you're so lonely, oh so lonley Your eyes have lost in light your eyes have lost in light, and you're empty oh my god, you're so empty You are my heaven tonight Trying to find the heart you hide - in vain and you're my haven in life and you're my haven in death - life and death, my darling

December 2nd is offically a non-affiliated holiday! its my last day at Pestmart! THANK GOD! God has smiled upon me and told me that its time to leave that hell hole...no offense to people who go and work at petsmart. its horrible there and i needed out. badly. SO! CELEBRATE! WOO!

There are a lot of things going on....to list one thing i guess the major thing is my work situation. I have apparently found out that my managers, both salon and store, probably made a lot of things up about me and decided that they should tell me that i was doing something to the other girls when in reality i wasnt. i dont understand whether they want me to quit or are trying to make something up to fire me or get me into some sort of trouble. i dont know why they went through that trouble to make that up. second i guess on some level right now i feel kind of stuck. im not exactly happy where i am right now and i also feel a little looked over. ya know i just kinda feel like a wall. im there, but you really dont seem to care all that much. and the thing is i know on some level that this isnt true. but i just feel somewhat rejected by a few people. not that i am i just dont want that to be true. i dont know i could very well just be overthinking it and everything. but ya i guess people will have time for me later...i hope.