1.402): meow
(1-402): WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
2.(801): all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
(254): at least its a homemade gift
3.(403): you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
4.(816): dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
5.(347): in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
6.(763): She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
7.(703): I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
(1-703): I see a marketing opportunity
8.(703): we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
9.(848): a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
10.(314): he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"