1) NUDITY
I was driving with my three young children one warm
summer evening when a woman in the convertible ahead
of us stood up and waved. She was stark naked! As I
was reeling from the shock, I heard my 5-year-old
shout from the back seat, "Mom! That lady isn't
wearing a seat belt!"
2) OPINIONS
On the first day of school, a first-grader handed
his teacher a note from his mother. The note read,
"The opinions expressed by this child are not
necessarily those of his parents."
3) KETCHUP
A woman was trying hard to get the ketchup out of
the jar. During her struggle the phone rang so she
asked her 4-year-old daughter to answer the phone.
"Mommy can't come to the phone to talk to you right
now. She's hitting the bottle."
4) MORE NUDITY
A little boy got lost at the YMCA and found himself
in the women's locker room. When he was spotted, the
room burst into shrieks, with ladies s grabbing towels
and running for cover. The little boy watched in
amazement and then asked, "What's the matter,
haven't you ever seen a little boy before?"
5) POLICE # 1
While taking a routine vandalism report at an
elementary school, I was interrupted by a little
girl about 6 years old. Looking up and down at my
uniform, she asked, "Are you a cop?" "Yes," I
answered and continued writing the report. "My
mother said if I ever needed help I should ask the
police. Is that right?" "Yes, that's right," I told
her. "Well, then," she said as she extended her foot
toward me, "would you please tie my shoe?"
6) POLICE # 2
It was the end of the day when I parked my police
van in front of the station. As I gathered my
equipment, my K-9 partner, Jake, was barking, and I
saw a little boy staring in at m e "Is that a dog you
got back there?" he asked. "It sure is," I replied.
Puzzled, the boy looked at me and then towards the
back of the van. Finally he said,
"What'd he do?"
7) ELDERLY
While working for an organization that delivers
lunches to elderly shut-ins, I used to take my
4-year-old daughter on my afternoon rounds. She was
unfailingly intrigued by the various appliances of
old age, particularly the canes, walkers and
wheelchairs. One day I found her staring at a pair
of false teeth soaking in a glass. As I braced
myself for the inevitable barrage of questions, she
merely turned and whispered, "The tooth fairy will
never believe this!"
8) DRESS-UP
A little girl was watching her parents dress for a
party. When she saw her dad donning his tuxedo, she
warned, "Daddy, you shouldn't wear that suit." "And
why not, darling?" "You know that it always gives
you a headache the next morning. "
9) DEATH
While walking along the sidewalk in front of his
church, our minister heard the intoning of a prayer
that nearly made his collar wilt. Apparently, his
5-year-old son and his playmates had found a dead
robin. Feeling that proper burial should be
performed, they had secured a small box and cotton
batting, then dug a hole and made ready for the
disposal of the deceased. The minister's son was
chosen to say the appropriate prayers and with
sonorous dignity intoned his version of what he
thought his father always said: "Glory be unto the
Faaather, and unto the Sonnn, and into the hole he
goooes."
10) SCHOOL
A little girl had just finished her first week of
school. "I'm just wasting my time," she said to her
mother. "I can't read, I can't write and they won't
let me talk!"
11) BIBLE
A little boy opened the big family bible. He was
fascinated as he fingered through the old pages.
Suddenly, something fell out of the Bible. He picked
up the object and looked at it. What he saw was an
o ld leaf that had been pressed in between the pages.
"Mama, look what I found," the boy called out. "What
have you got there, dear?" With astonishment in the
young boy's voice, he answered, "I think it's Adam's
underwear."
