Offend Everyone, some old, some new
*What do you call two Mexicans playing
basketball? *
* ** *
*Juan on Juan *
* ** *
*What is a Yankee? *
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*The same as a quickie, but a guy can do it alone.
*
* ** ** ** *
*What is the difference between a Harley and a
Hoover ? *
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*The position of the dirt bag *
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*Why is divorce so expensive? *
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*Because it's worth it. *
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*What do you see when the Pillsbury Dough Boy bends
over? *
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*Doughnuts *
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*Why is air a lot like sex? *
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*Because it's no big deal unless you're not getting
any. *
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*What do you call a smart blonde? *
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*A golden retriever. *
* ** ** ** *
*What do attorneys use for birth control? *
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*Their personalities. *
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*What's the difference between a girlfriend and
wife? *
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*10 years and 45 lbs *
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*What's the difference between a boyfriend and
husband? *
* ** *
*45 minutes *
* ** *
*What's the fastest way to a man's heart? *
* ** *
*Through his chest with a sharp knife. *
* ** ** ** *
*Why do men want to marry virgins? *
* ** *
*They can't stand criticism *
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*Why is it so hard for women to find men that are
sensitive, caring, and
good-looking? *
* ** *
*Because those men already have boyfriends. *
* ** *
*What's the difference between a new husband and a
new dog? *
* ** *
*After a year, the dog is still excited to see you
*
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*What makes men chase women they have no intention
of marrying? *
* ** *
*The same urge that makes dogs chase cars they have
no intention of
driving. *
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*Why don't bunnies make noise when they have sex? *
* ** *
*Because they have cotton balls. *
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*What's the difference between a porcupine and BMW?
*
* ** *
*A porcupine has the pricks on the outside. *
* ** *
*What did the blonde say when she found out she was
pregnant? *
* ** *
*"Are you sure it's mine?" *
* ** *
*Why does Mike Tyson cry during sex? *
* ** *
*Mace will do that to you. *
* ** *
*Why did OJ Simpson want to move to West Virginia
? *
* ** *
*Everyone has the same DNA. *
* ** ** ** *
*Why do men find it difficult to make eye contact?
*
* ** *
*Breasts don't have eyes. *
* ** ** ** *
*Why do drivers' education classes in Redneck
schools use the car only on
Mondays, Wednesdays and Fridays? *
* ** *
*Because on Tuesday and Thursday, the Sex Ed class
uses it. *
* ** *
*Where does an Irish family go on vacation? *
* ** *
*A different bar. *
* ** *
*Did you hear about the Chinese couple that had a
blond baby? *
* ** *
*They named him "Sum Ting Wong". *
* ** *
*What would you call it when an Italian has one arm
shorter than the
other? *
* ** *
*A speech impediment. *
* ** *
*What does it mean when the flag at the Post Office
is flying at
half-mast? *
* ** *
*They're hiring. *
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*What's the difference between a southern zoo and a
northern zoo? *
* ** *
*A southern zoo has a description of the animal on
the front of the cage
along with... "a recipe". *
* ** *
*How do you get a sweet little 80-year-old lady to
say the F word? *
* ** *
*Get another sweet little 80-year-old lady to yell
*BINGO*! *
* ** *
*What's the difference between a northern fairytale
and a southern
fairytale? *
* ** *
*A northern fairytale begins "Once upon a time ..."
-A southern fairytale
begins *
* ** *
*"Y'all ain't gonna believe this shit.... *
* ** *
*Why is there no Disneyland in China ? *
* ** *
*No one's tall enough to go on the good rides *
