Nessa Suicide Girls's blog: "Countess Nessa's Rants...."

I have come to the conclusion that the year of 2006 is really a bad year for me and many that I love. Let me start off by tell you all that the year started off wonderful. I started a new job with Citi Financial and then my hubby and sister Hayley had their birthday together that I had made sure that the both of them enjoyed deeply. I spent over 3000 dollars to make this so. Then after the third month with Citi, the accounts that I had set up for my job ended up becoming another’s accounts. I quite my job to go and work for my hubby’s job that set me up with an Account Manager that was from Night mare on elm street, then as I took in a wonderful girl that was accused for something that she didn’t do. The triad that accused this innocent girl of something she didn’t do got her thrown in jail. From that point on, my whole entire life went upside down. My sister ended up moving with these guys to Washington and then she abandoned her daughter and two sons. Now take note, this is the same sister I supported for over a year and a half and also stuck by her side every day and night when she didn’t have money to feed her kids to when she didn’t have the rent to pay to live. Always, my friend was now in my trust from the God’s to help her. I did everything I could and I truly love her. Then I met my Cousin for the first time. Trust me that was a gift from GOD of GODDESS. During this time, I had managed to go threw four companies till my last job screwed me up the ass big time. They where not even approved to do loans in Nevada. Well let’s see…I love my job, my sister Hayley. Then I wrote a blog on how I wish my mother would be my mother and not my pastor, so now I have lost her. WOW…GOD is so great! Then my MOTHER who is such a wonderful Christain told my sister Vicky a lie that I said something bad about her husband and I was in deep shock. I would never say anything about her hubby. In fact I love her husband a lot. Well, because my mother got BUTT hurt, she went and told my little sister a lie and now we are not even talking. OK, let’s back up and re cap. I lost my job, my sister Hayley, my mother, my other sister Vicky. Now my husband company that he has been working with for over a year had just merged and they just told him as of the 13th that he is no longer working for the company because they don’t want to get approve in Nevada, WOW…can you say Hell is been set loose on my life. So, now my hubby and I out of work, we are living on our savings and we have a Condo that we are suppose to close on, but with neither of us working we had to change the program and now we have a higher rate and to top it a 1800 dollar Mortgage Payment. LOL… Then I get information from a inside person that Dividian is up to his own tricks and he is having spy’s asking to be added to my friends list, just to tell them that THE House of Ma’at is a bad House and that we are doing illegal stuff…WHAT? I am so beyond myself. I am alone in this hell we call earth…NO…there is no such thing as hell, we are already there. FUCK, if something doesn’t break soon I am going to be taking my ass to the Hospital and checking me in. NO one will see me nor talk to me again. I am so fucken tired of this un going drama in my life. Has someone put something on me? If so, why? I have done nothing but give…give…give…give…to everyone I know that is in need of a home, food, money or even if it is just a friend or a way of refuge and all I get is fuck you every day of my life. Trust me guys, there are days I just wish that I could go onto my next life and not look back. Please, if you care, love or you are my friend. I ask for your help. I ask of only one thing. Please lift me up and not say that you are and don’t do it. Please DO IT! I need help from all sides of energies. I can’t take this anymore. I think of death daily and I feel like I am in a whole with no way out. Please pray for me or lift me up. I try not to be negative, but there is a time in everyone’s life that we face weaknesses and it depends on how much of a support you get that helps you threw it. So please everyone I need you help….Please help me…I feel like I am dieing in side. Sincerely Countess Nessa

OK Guys and Gals....I know my mouth is like a truck driver...But just deal with me and my pissy attitude. LOL...

Well the last time I posted a blog it was concerning the fact that the company that I was working for was not licensed here in Vegas and after a month and two weeks they pulled out of Vegas and left me high and dry with out a job or stability in my life, so my husband and I went ahead and put our beautiful house on the Market to sell and we had to purchased another house that is smaller and cheaper in Summerland. Well this morning is the 1st of October and I felt as if this month would have been better then last month since my Birthday was a crash for not having enough money to even have any fun. Splurging is out of the question as well. Anyways, my husband gets an email from his employer asking for him to call his boss around 10 AM this morning. Ok, let me state that my husband was their top producer for their company, but he had to hear the news of. “Ian, we will pay you your base for (One) more months, but after this month JLM direct will no longer be able to do loans in Nevada. Ian was like, “WHAT!” Well, the company is going threw a merger and the reason why the company doesn’t want to get license here in Vegas/Nevada is because Vegas has a lot of fraud. Now, my husband and I have a lot of bills and an 1800.00 dollar Mortgage payment and now we will both be with out a job. On a good note, I have an interview with a company that has nothing to do with Mortgages. The economy is crashing all around us and my husband and I are fighting every day and we are trying to help out yet another person. We are scared that we are not going to be able to support our selves. but now we are trying to help support her. Bless her heart she too is deeply depressed. Why? Well every since the new Patriot act, it is harder and harder to get your identity back if you don’t have your birth certificate/SS. Brian and Shadowman who are now up in Washington stole her stuff and didn’t give back her Birth certificate and SS card. They destroyed it all. So, now I am dealing with a friend that has no ID and no way of getting on her own and we are suffering with out a job and many people want us to help them out. She is depressed that she cant help enough and she can only do so much. She is wonderful person that I would do any thing for, but sometimes I think of how I wish that everyone would just quite being so about them selves and realize that they are not alone in this fucked up world we all have to live in. My husband and I have helped many people out during their times of trials and sufferings? When are we going to get a break? When are we going to have a blessing? Why do we have to suffer and be with out? Why is it we are always the ones that help everyone out and no one is there for us? Now, look if you think that me ranting and raving right now is selfish. Well fuck you and the horse you came in on. I am so sick and tired of being everyone’s ride because they don’t have a car or everyone’s sanctuary when they don’t have a home or place to live. We are tired and we need to know that we have friends that are there for us too. When do we get help? When do we get someone who cares? I guess never. You are probably thinking, why I would say that. Well, when was the last time someone helped us out? Shit, I can’t even get help on drinks of supplies when it comes to the meetings because NO ONE HAS A JOB! It isn’t like I have a Mother or a Father that gives a rates ass about me to help me. Fuck, they only care about them selves or they can’t get their minds out of the clouds to even look down and see that they can’t even be a mother that cares. I get, JESUS THIS or JESUS THAT. I don’t want to hear about GOD, JESUS OR SAITAN. I just want to know that people actually give a rates ass about me or others. We have sewed enough seed to help the world. NOW we need help…Where is it? Fucken who knows thanks to the Government and President fucken Bush Bitch… GOD I hate life right now. Thanks for listening Countess Nessa

Well I am coming up to another birthday this week. The strange part is that I am so deeply depressed with all the things that seem to be going wrong with in my life. I was offered a job with a Mortgage Company and as of last week they wrote me to tell me that they are going to discontinue my base pay…What kind of email is that? I ask myself as I whip away the tears from my eyes. The contract that I agreed on was to have salary, commissions and Medical. Did they come threw? NO…I gave up a job that gave me all of that and then next thing I know the so called company that promised me this and that. Decided after a month and two weeks that they don’t want to pay…OMG…what’s next? The love of my life and I are fighting over MONEY…We have a Mortgage and regular bills. Nothing more, but we can’t live off of just his pay alone. So, I sit here on a Thursday morning at 3:38 AM sending out resumes and crying….Why? Because I feel like I can’t seem to get out of this deep dark whole that I am in. Now mother, please DO NOT write… “Well Jesus…” I don’t want to hear anything about GOD or JESUS. I am sick and tired of every time I write a blog that GOD or Jesus has to be brought into my blog. I just ones want to have someone tell me that they are here for me and quite this “I am Holy thing” Can’t a daughter just have her mother comfort her with out bring up Jesus…I am getting to the point that I want to shut down. I run a Large Vampire house…The largest on the West Coast and I am an Elder of the Vampire Nation…I enjoy what I do with in my community and I don’t want to hear judgment. OK, now as I continue to cry and want to just throw up my hands in the air. I see nothing but hurt and hate with in the world I live in. The Government is killing our people and the things that I have grown to love are disappearing. It seems that everyone around me is having hard times and I can’t even help them all out. I try everything I can to support all of the lost souls that the “Church” has done so well to destroy and pass judgment on. You know if the “Church” or people who say they are “Christian’s” would just get their heads out of the sand. They will learn that preaching and judging is NOT going to save a soul. Loving and supporting and showing everyone that something is different with in your soul is what is going to save the sinner as the “Christians” quaintly say. Man made the word “Sinner” and Man is the reason why the BIBLE was written and re-written 10 thousand times. The true works of God are what we do to help others and love others for what they are and who ever they believe. I try every day to love others as Christ loves the “Church”. I am a Christain that has decided to accept all and that means even Satanist. Hell, my best friend is a Satanist…Does that make her a bad person. “NO” Why? Because the so call “Church” has NO idea what they are and what they believe. If some of the so called Church community would quite paying another Pastors car payment or House payment and take that money and help a single mother with a child or a old man to get food, then we will see others turn towards the higher power some call “God”…but guess what. “God” too many comes in all different types and that to me is fine. All I have to worry about is ME. Do you know that I have touched more people’s lives, because I don’t act that I am the best living Christain alive. I love to go to a bar or into a Vampire Community and show others that I am different and how much I love God…Is he the right GOD…I don’t know, but I know he is right for me…Doesn’t mean I am going to sit here and say…OMG…if you hang out with so and so, or if you do that or your affiliated with that. YOUR not godly…Please…who gave you the rights and the crown to tell me what is right and wrong in my life. Get a grip… IF you want to pray for me, then do it. DON’T sit and tell me about this scripture and that one. I know the word of GOD…I went to Bible Collage, but that is not my way. DO you know just how many times the BIBLE was re-written? Do you understand that they are just stories so that we can get threw life. I say this, if your not here to show your support or love, then please do me a favor, get OUT of my life. I want friends and family around me that will accept everything good or bad about me. Tell the next Rant…or next stupid Birthday. Darkest Blessing God Bless Blessed be All hale King Arthur Hail Satan What ever… Countess Nessa Elder and Founder of the House of Ma’at