Anyone that takes anything that I say as being anything other than sarcastic should think twice... Meaning, I am being a smart ass all of the time. This means that: ~Traci Lords isn't really my mother. I only wish she could've been. Ok, maybe not my mother... I wish that she could've been an older cousin who would've shown me the ropes of the porn biz. She would've also taught me how to give a proper blow job so that instead of scraping teeth like I did at sixteen, I would've been a pro. ~Conan O'Brien is not my husband. He is my secret lover. And he'll totally deny it if you ask him so don't bother... And Jeff from IGN is number 2 on my list.~I do not have a choking fetish. That is just savage... Unless I am doing the choking, in which case I have to say, that's totally fun.~I am not a body builder... Period.~I do not have a big right foot. I have a small left testicle... In a jar on my nightstand. It's not mine, I'm just borrowing it until I can afford my own.~Contrary to popular belief, I do not sit around in basements naked drinking Pabst and Bud on photo shoots. I do that type of stuff in my spare time ONLY, and do not document any of it in photographs.~I do not know who Fluffy is, nor do I know about the children that she claims to have bore with me. She is crazy! And if she tries to tell you any different, please call my lawyer.~I am NOT a swinger. And really, even if I was, I wouldn't be advertising that sort of thing here. That's what Craig's list is for.~I am not a parent... Again, regardless of what Fluffy says. ~I don't really stalk people. Who has time for REAL stalking when there is Lost Cherry? Perfect for cyber-stalking.~I am not against hearing others speak, and I do like opinions... In a perfect world. Ok, I guess this one is true.~I can read. I really can. ~And lastly, I am not a Gangsta Rap Artist. I mean, it's a cute thought, but really... Isn't it a bit insulting to the real "gangstas" to put me in the same category? I mean, don't get me wrong, I have logged my time in on the streets and all, but I am still a mini-G...