you want to know, just ask.


WOULDN'T IT BE GREAT TO TURN ON THE TV AND HEAR ANY U.S. PRESIDENT, DEMOCRAT OR REPUBLICAN GIVE THE FOLLOWING SPEECH?


My
Fellow Americans: As you all know, the defeat of Iraq regime has been
completed.

Since congress does not want to spend any more money on this
war, our mission in Iraq is complete.

This morning I gave the order for a
complete removal of all American forces from Iraq.
This
action will be complete within 30 days. It is now to begin the
reckoning.

Before me, I have two lists. One list contains the names of
countries which have stood by our side during the Iraq conflict. This list is
short. The United Kingdom , Spain , Bulgaria , Australia , and Poland are some
of the countries listed there.

The other list contains everyone not on
the first list. Most of the world's nations are on that list. My press secretary
will be distributing copies of both lists later this evening.

Let me
start by saying that effective immediately, foreign aid to those nations on List
2 ceases immediately and indefinitely. The money saved during the first year
alone will pretty much pay for the costs of the Iraqi war.

The American
people are no longer going to pour money into third world Hell-holes and watch
those government leaders grow fat on corruption.

Need help with a famine?
Wrestling with an epidemic? Call France .

In the future, together with
Congress, I will work to redirect this money toward solving the vexing social
problems we still have at home. On that note, a word to terrorist organizations.
Screw with us and we will hunt you down and eliminate you and all your friends
from the face of the earth.

Thirsting for a gutsy country to terrorize?
Try France , or maybe China .

I am ordering the immediate severing of
diplomatic relations with France , Germany , and Russia . Thanks for all your
help, comrades. We are retiring from NATO as well. Bon chance, mes
amis.

I have instructed the Mayor of New York City to begin towing the
many UN diplomatic vehicles located in Manhattan with more than two unpaid
parking tickets to sites where those vehicles will be stripped, shredded and
crushed. I don't care about whatever treaty pertains to this. You creeps have
tens of thousands of unpaid tickets Pay those tickets tomorrow or watch your
precious Benzes, Beamers and limos be turned over to some of the finest chop
shops in the world. I love New York

A special note to our neighbors.
Canada is on List 2. Since we are likely to be seeing a lot more of each
other, you folks might want to try not pissing us off for a
change.

Mexico is also on List 2. President Fox and his entire corrupt
government really need an attitude adjustment. I will have a couple extra tank
and infantry divisions sitting around. Guess where I am going to put em? Yep,
border security. So start doing something with your oil.

Oh, by the way,
the United States is abrogating the NAFTA treaty - starting now.


We
are tired of the one-way highway. Immediately, we'll be drilling for oil in
Alaska - which will take care of this country's oil needs for decades to come.
If you're an environmentalist who opposes this decision, I refer you to List 2
above: pick a country and move there. They care.

It is time for America
to focus on its own welfare and its own citizens. Some will accuse us of
isolationism. I answer them by saying, "darn tootin."
Nearly a century of
trying to help folks live a decent life around the world has only earned us the
undying enmity of just about everyone on the planet. It is time to eliminate
hunger in America . It is time to eliminate homelessness in America . It is time
to eliminate World Cup Soccer from America . To the nations on List 1, a final
thought. Thanks guys. We owe you and we won't forget.
To the
nations on List 2, a final t hought: You might want to learn to speak
Arabic.
God bless
America . Thank you and good night.
If you
can read this, thank a teacher. If you are reading it in English, thank a
soldier.

(Please forward this to at least ten friends and see what
happens! Let's get this to every USA computer