I am happy to engage in discourse on any subject of interest. However, for your own safety, there are certain immutable truths of the Universe that you must adhere to in order to not incur my wrath, and so I will not smite thee. They include the following:

1) Drivin' and Cryin' is the best name for any band ever, and it's not even close.

2) Dogs are better than us. This includes me, and this includes you.

3) ATF. Alcohol, Tobacco, Firearms. Gotta be a great job. But their parties are dangerous as hell.

4) Road Rage wouldn't even be a thing if women in minivans talking on the phone would just stay out of the passing lane.

5) Wisdom: Don't get a neck tattoo. Listen to me.

6) There's no dress code. Relax. Wear whatever you want. Just, please, wear "the shoes." They make the world a better place.

7) Question about Cardi B. WTF?

8) Never hit someone unless you're absolutely sure you can get away with it.