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jimbo's blog: ""

created on 11/04/2006  |  http://fubar.com/-/b21194

Anti-American sentiment

In case we find ourselves starting to believe all the Anti-American sentiment and negativity, we should remember England's Prime Minister Tony Blair's words during a recent interview. When asked by one of his Parliament members why he believes so much in America, he said: "A simple way to take measure of a country is to look at how many want in... And how many want out."
TOP 10 REASONS WHY TRICK OR TREATING IS BETTER THAN SEX #10 YOU'RE GUARANTEED TO GET AT LEAST A LITTLE SOMETHING IN THE SACK! #9 IF YOU GET TIRED YOU CAN WAIT TEN MINUTES AND GO AT IT AGAIN #8 THE UGLIER YOU LOOK THE EASIER IT IS TO GET SOME #7 YOU DON'T HAVE TO COMPLIMENT THE PERSON WHO GIVES YOU SOME #6 FORTY YEARS FROM NOW YOU'LL STILL ENJOY CANDY #5 ITS O.K. WHEN THE PERSON YOU'RE WITH FANTASIZES YOU'RE SOMEONE ELSE, BECAUSE YOU ARE #4 IF YOU DON'T LIKE WHAT YOU GET YOU CAN ALWAYS GO NEXT DOOR #3 IT DOESN'T MATTER IF THE KIDS HEAR YOU MOANING & GROANING #2 LESS GUILT THE MORNING AFTER! #1 YOU CAN DO THE WHOLE NEIGHBORHOOD! HAPPY HALLOWEEN!

Personal firearm issue

Human beings only have two ways to deal with one another: reason and force. If you want me to do something for you, you have a choice of either convincing me via argument, or force me to do your bidding under threat of force. Every human interaction falls into one of those two categories, without exception. Reason or force, that's it. In a truly moral and civilized society, people exclusively interact through persuasion. Force has no place as a valid method of social interaction and the only thing that removes force from the menu is the personal firearm, as paradoxical as it may sound to some. When I carry a gun, you cannot deal with me by force. You have to use reason and try to persuade me, because I have a way to negate your threat or employment of force. The gun is the only personal weapon that puts a 100-pound woman on equal footing with a 220-pound mugger, a 75-year old retiree on equal footing with a 19-year old gang banger, and a single gay guy on equal footing with a carload of drunk guys with baseball bats. The gun removes the disparity in physical strength, size, or numbers between a potential attacker and a defender. There are plenty of people who consider the gun as the source of bad force equations. These are the people who think that we'd be more civilized if all guns were removed from society, because a firearm makes it easier for a [armed] mugger to do his job. That, of course, is only true if the mugger's potential victims are mostly disarmed either by choice or by legislative fiat--it has no validity when most of a mugger's potential marks are armed. People who argue for the banning of arms ask for automatic rule by the young, the strong, and the many, and that's the exact opposite of a civilized society. A mugger, even an armed one, can only make a successful living in a societ y where the state has granted him a force monopoly. Then there's the argument that the gun makes confrontations lethal that otherwise would only result in injury. This argument is fallacious in several ways. Without guns involved, confrontations are won by the physically superior party inflicting overwhelming injury on the loser. People who think that fists, bats, sticks, or stones don't constitute lethal force watch too much TV, where people take beatings and come out of it with a bloody lip at worst. The fact that the gun makes lethal force easier works solely in favor of the weaker defender, not the stronger attacker. If both are armed, the field is level. The gun is the only weapon that's as lethal in the hands of an octogenarian as it is in the hands of a weight lifter. It simply wouldn't work as well as a force equalizer if it wasn't both lethal and easily employable. When I carry a gun, I don't do so because I am looking for a f ight, but because I'm looking to be left alone. The gun at my side means that I cannot be forced, only persuaded. I don't carry it because I'm afraid, but because it enables me to be unafraid. It doesn't limit the actions of those who would interact with me through reason, only the actions of those who would do so by force. It removes force from the equation...and that's why carrying a gun is, a civilized act.

Call Center

I was feeling a bit depressed the other day, so I called Life Line. I was put through to a 'call center' in Pakistan. I explained that I was feeling suicidal. They were very excited at this news and wanted to know if I could drive a truck or fly a plane...
10 reasons men prefer a gun to a woman #10. You can trade an old 44 for a new 22. #9. You can keep one gun at home and have another for when you're on the road. #8. If you admire a friend's gun and tell him so, he will probably let you try it out a few times. #7. Your primary gun doesn't mind if you keep another gun for a backup. #6. Your gun will stay with you even if you run out of ammo. #5. A gun doesn't take up a lot of closet space. #4. Guns function normally every day of the month. #3. A gun doesn't ask, "Do these new grips make me look fat?" #2. A gun doesn't mind if you go to sleep after you use it. And the number one reason a gun is favored over a woman.... #1. YOU CAN BUY A SILENCER FOR A GUN
Earl was fixing a door and he found that he needed a new hinge, so he sent his wife Mary to the hardware store. At the hardware store, Mary saw a beautiful teapot on a top shelf while she was waiting for Carl, the manager, to finish waiting on a customer. When Carl was finished, Mary asked "How much for the teapot?" Carl replied, "That's silver and it costs $300." "My goodness that sure is a lot of money!" Mary exclaimed. Then she proceeded to describe the hinge that Earl had sent her to buy, and Carl went to the back room to find it. >From the back room Carl yelled, "Mary, you wanna screw for that hinge?" Mary replied, "No, but I will for the teapot." This is why you can't send a woman to a hardware store.
When things in your lives seem almost too much to handle, when 24 hours in a day are not enough, remember the mayonnaise jar and the two cups of coffee. A Professor stood before his philosophy class and had some items in front of him. When the class began, he wordlessly picked up a very large and empty mayonnaise jar and proceeded to fill it with golf balls. He then asked the students if the jar was full. They agreed that it was. The Professor then picked up a box of pebbles and poured them into the jar. He shook the jar lightly. The pebbles rolled into the open areas between the golf balls. He then asked the students again if the jar was full. They agreed it was. The Professor next picked up a box of sand and poured it into the jar. Of course, the sand filled up everything else. He asked once more if the jar was full. The students responded with an unanimous "yes." The Professor then produced two cups of coffee from under the table and poured the entire contents into the jar effectively filling the empty space between the sand. The students laughed. Now, said the Professor as the laughter subsided. I want you to recognize that this jar represents your life. The golf balls are the important things--your family, your children, your health, your friends and your favorite passions--and if everything else was lost and only they remained, your life would still be full. Pay attention to the things that are critical to your happiness. Play with your children. Take time to get medical checkups. Take up a hobby, or special interest. The pebbles are the other things that matter like your job, your house and your car. The sand is everything else--the small stuff. If you put the sand into the jar first, he continued, there is no room for the pebbles, or the golf balls. The same goes for life. If you spend all your time and energy on the small stuff, you will never have room for the things that are important to you. There will always be time to clean the house and fix the disposal. Take care of the golf balls first--the things that really matter. Set your priorities. The rest is just sand. One of the students raised her hand and inquired what the coffee represented. The Professor smiled. I'm glad you asked. "It just goes to show you that no matter how full your life may seem, there's always room for a couple of cups of coffee, with a friend."

Two Lawyers

Two male lawyers had been stranded on a desert island for several months. The only thing on the island was a tall coconut tree that provided them their only food. Each day one of the lawyers would climb to the top to see if he could spot a rescue boat coming. One day the lawyer yelled down from the tree, "WOW, I just can't believe my eyes. There is a woman out there floating in our direction." The lawyer on the ground was most skeptical and said, "You're hallucinating; you've finally lost your mind." But within a few minutes, up to the beach floated a stunning red head, face up,totally naked, unconscious, without even so much as a ring or earrings on her person. The two lawyers went down to the water, dragged her up on the beach and discovered, yes, she was alive, warm and breathing. One said to the other, "You know, we've been on this God forsaken island for months now without a woman. It's been such a long, long time. So, do you think we should ... Well .. You know ... Screw her?" "Out of WHAT?!?" asked the other

God's E-mail

God's E-mail One day God was looking down at Earth and saw all of the rascally behavior that was going on. So He called one of His angels and sent the angel to Earth for a time. When he returned, he told God, "Yes, it is bad on Earth; 95% are misbehaving and only 5% are not." God thought for a moment and said, "Maybe I had better send down a second angel to get another opinion." So God called another angel and sent him to Earth for a time, too. When the angel returned he went to God and said, "Yes, it's true. The Earth is in decline; 95% are misbehaving, but 5% are being good." God was not pleased. So He decided to email the 5% who were good because He wanted to encourage them, give them a little something to help them keep going. Do you know what the email said? No? Okay, just wondering, I didn't get one either.

An elephants memory

An elephants memory As you well know, I don't usually like these heartwarming fuzzy animal stories, but this one is truly interesting...* *In 1986, a Mike Membre was on holiday in Kenya ( In the Laikipia Region, which is where Taygen and I were last month) after graduating from Northwestern University.** On a hike through the bush, he came across a young bull elephant standing with one leg raised in the air. The elephant seemed distressed, so Membre approached it very carefully. He got down on one knee and inspected the elephant's foot and found a large piece of burnt wood deeply embedded in it. As carefully and as gently as he could, Membre worked the wood out with his hunting knife, after which the elephant gingerly put down its foot. The elephant turned to face the man, and with a rather curious look on its face, stared at him for several tense moments.** ** Membre stood frozen, thinking of nothing else but being trampled. Eventually the elephant trumpeted loudly, turned, and walked away. Membre never forgot that elephant or the events of that day. ** ** TWENTY YEARS LATER, Membre was walking through the Chicago Zoo with his teenaged son.** ** As they approached the elephant enclosure, one of the creatures turned and walked over to near where Membre and his son Cantri were standing. The large bull elephant stared at Membre, lifted its front foot off the ground, then put it down. The elephant did that several times then trumpeted loudly, all the while staring at the man. Remembering the encounter in 1986, Membre couldn't help wondering if this was the same elephant. Membre summoned up all his courage, climbed over the railing and made his way into the enclosure. He walked right up to the elephant and stared back in wonder. The elephant trumpeted again, wrapped its trunk around one of Membre's legs and raised him high into the air and slammed him against the railing, killing him instantly. ** ** Probably wasn't the same elephant.*
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