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jimbo's blog: ""

created on 11/04/2006  |  http://fubar.com/-/b21194

Gun Control

BEAR IN A BAR

A bear walks into a bar in Billings , Montana and sits down. He bangs on the bar with his paw and demands a beer. The bartender approaches and says, 'We don't serve beer to bears in bars in Billings ' The bear, becoming angry, demands again that he be served a beer. The bartender tells him again, more forcefully, 'We don't serve beer to belligerent bears in bars in Billings ..' The bear, very angry now, says, 'If you don't serve me a beer, I'm going to eat that lady sitting at the end of the bar.' The bartender says, 'Sorry, we don't serve beer to Belligerent, bully bears in bars in Billings' The bear goes to the end of the bar, and, as promised, eats the woman. He comes back to his seat and again demands a beer. The bartender states, 'Sorry, but we especially don't serve beer to belligerent, bully bears in bars in Billings who are on drugs.' The bear looks at him quizzically and says, 'I'm not on drugs.' (You're gonna love me for this...) The bartender says, 'You are now. That was a barbitchyouate

Thought for the day

Just think...if the Indians had given the Pilgrim Fathers a donkey instead of a turkey we would all be having a Piece of ass for Thanksgiving

TEN PREDICTIONS

NO MATTER WHO WINS THE ELECTION:1. The Bible will still have all the answers. 2. Prayer will still work. 3. The Holy Spirit will still move. 4. God will still inhabit the praises of His people. 5. There will still be God-anointed preaching. 6. There will still be singing of praise to God. 7. God will still pour out blessings upon His people. 8. There will still be room at the Cross. 9. Jesus will still love you. 10. Jesus will still save the lost. ISN'T IT GREAT TO KNOW WHO IS STILL IN CONTROL? (Amen!)

Amber

Amber Moyer Grace Healthcare 2728 10th ave South. Birmingham , Al 35205 Our Friend Amber NOT JUST ANOTHER PRETTY FACE http://fubar.com/user/1696092 is losing her battle with cancer please take the time to send a card to brighten up her day and tell her you pray for her . / Thank You JIMBO

Two cups of coffee

When things in your life seem almost too much to handle, when 24 hours in a day are not enough, remember the mayonnaise jar and the 2 cups of coffee. A professor stood before his philosophy class and had some items in front of him. When the class began, he wordlessly picked up a very large and empty mayonnaise jar and proceeded to fill it with golf balls. He then asked the students if the jar was full. They agreed that it was. The professor then picked up a box of pebbles and poured them into the jar He shook the jar lightly. The pebbles rolled into the open areas between the golf balls. He then asked the students again if the jar was full. They agreed it was. The professor next picked up a box of sand and poured it into the jar. Of course, the sand filled up everything else. He asked once more if the jar was full. The students responded with an unanimous 'yes.' The professor then produced two cups of coffee from under the table and poured the entire contents into the jar effectively filling the empty space between the sand. The students laughed. 'Now,' said the professor as the laughter subsided, 'I want you to recognize that this jar represents your life. The golf balls are the important things---God, your family, your children, your health, your friends and your favorite passions---and if everything else was lost and only they remained, your life would still be full. The pebbles are the other things that matter like your job, your house and your car. The sand is everything else---the small stuff. 'If you put the sand into the jar first,' he continued, 'there is no room for the pebbles or the golf balls. The same goes for life. If you spend all your time and energy on the small stuff you will never have room for the things that are important to you. 'Pay attention to the things that are critical to your happiness. Play with your children. Spend time with your parents. Visit with grandparents. Take time to get medical checkups. Take your spouse out to dinner. Play another 18. There will always be time to clean the house and fix the disposal. Take care of the golf balls first---the things that really matter. Set your priorities. The rest is just sand.' One of the students raised her hand and inquired what the coffee represented. The professor smiled and said, 'I'm glad you asked.' The coffee just shows you that no matter how full your life may seem, there's always room for a couple of cups of coffee with a friend .'

I LOVE THIS!!!!

I LOVE THIS!!!! Here's a quote from a government employee who witnessed a recent interaction between an elderly Woman and an antiwar protester in a Metro station in DC: 'There were protesters on the train platform handing out pamphlets on the evils of America . I politely declined to take one. 'An elderly woman was behind me getting off the escalator and a young (20ish) female protester offered her a pamphlet, which she politely declined. 'The young protester put her hand on the old woman's shoulder as a gesture of friendship and in a very soft voice said, 'Lady, don't you care about the children of Iraq ?' 'The old woman looked up at her and said, ' Honey, my father died in France during World War II, I lost my husband in Korea , and a son in Vietnam . All three died so you could have the right to stand here and bad mouth our country. If you touch me again. I'll stick this umbrella up your ass and open it. ' ' ~God Bless America ~

Because I'm A Man

Because I'm A Man ...... Because I'm a man, when I lock my keys in the car, I will fiddle with a coat hanger long after hypothermia has set in. Calling AAA is not an option. I will win. _______________________________________________________________ Because I'm a man, when the car isn't running very well, I will pop the hood and stare at the engine as if I know what I'm looking at. If another man shows up, one of us will say to the othe r, 'I used to be able to fix these things, but now with all these computers and everything, I wouldn't know where to start.' We will then drink a couple of beers and break wind, as a form of holy communion. ___________________________________________________________ Because I'm a man, when I catch a cold, I need someone to bring me soup and take care of me while I lie in bed and moan. You're a woman. You never get as sick as I do, so for you.... this is no problem. _________________________________________________________________ Because I'm a man, I can be relied upon to purchase basic groceries at the store, like milk or bread. I cannot be expected to find exotic items like 'cumin' or 'tofu.' For all I know, these are the same thing. _________________________________________________________________ Because I'm a man, when one of our appliances stops working, I will ins ist on taking it apart, despite evidence that this will just cost me twice as much once the repair person gets here and has to put it back together. _________________________________________________________________ Because I'm a man, I must hold the television remote control in my hand while I watch TV. If the thing has been misplaced, I may miss a whole show looking for it, though one time I was able to survive by holding a calculator instead (applies to engineers only) _________________________________________________________________ Because I'm a man, there is no need to ask me what I'm thinking about. The true answer is always either sex, cars, sex, sports or sex. I have to make up something else when you ask, so just don't ask. ________________________________________________________________ Because I'm a man, you don't have to ask me if I liked the movie. Chances are , if you're crying at the end of it, I didn't... and if you are feeling amorous afterwards.... then I will certainly at least remember the name and recommend it to others. __________________________________________________________________ Because I'm a man, I think what you're wearing is fine. I thought what you were wearing five minutes ago was fine, too. Either pair of shoes is fine. With the belt or without it, looks fine. It does not make your butt look too big. It was the pasta and potatoes and margaritas that did that. Your hair is fine. You look fine. Can we just go now? ___________________________________________________________________ Because I'm a man, and this is, after all, the year 2008, I will share equally in the housework. You just do t he laundry, the cooking, the cleaning, and the vacuuming, and the dishes, and I'll do the rest. Like wandering around in the garden with a beer, wondering what to do. _______________________________________________________________ This has been a public service message for women to better understand men

Firearms Refresher

Firearms Refresher Those who hammer their guns into plowshares will plowfor those who do not. ~ Thomas Jefferson 1. An armed man is a citizen. An unarmed man is a subject. 2. A gun in the hand is better than a cop on the phone. 3. Colt: The original point and click interface. 4. Gun control is not about guns; it's about control. 5. If guns are outlawed, can we use swords? 6. If guns cause crime, then pencils cause misspelled words. 7. Free men do not ask permission to bear arms. 8. If you don't know your rights, you don't have any. 9. Those who trade liberty for security have neither. 10. The United States Constitution (c)1791. All Rights Reserved. 11. What part of "shall not be infringed" do you not understand? 12. The Second Amendment is in place in case the politicians ignore the others. 13. 64,999,987 firearms owners killed no one yesterday. 14. Guns only have two enemies; rust and politicians 15. Know guns, know peace, know safety. No guns, no peace,no safety. 16. You don't shoot to kill; you shoot to stay alive. 17. 911: Government sponsored Dial-A-Prayer. 18. Assault is a behavior, not a device. 19. Criminals love gun control; it makes their jobs safer. 20. If guns cause crime, then matches cause arson. 21. Only a government that is afraid of its citizens tries to control them. 22. You have only the rights you are willing to fight for. 23. Enforce the gun control laws we ALREADY have; don't make more. 24. When you remove the people's right to bear arms, you create slaves. 25. The American Revolution would never have happened with gun control. 26. If guns cause crime, then spoons made Rosie O'Donnell fat.

The quote of the month

The quote of the month "With hurricanes, tornados, fires out of control, mud slides, flooding, severe thunderstorms tearing up the country from one end to another, and with the threat of bird flu and terrorist attacks, are we sure this is a good time to take GOD out of the Pledge of Allegiance?"
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