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Koko's blog: ""

created on 10/04/2006  |  http://fubar.com/-/b10409
Dear Mrs. Shelley Emerson, Our store is considering banning your family from ever shopping with us again unless your husband stops his antics while you are shopping. Below is a list of offenses over the past few months, all verified by our surveillance cameras. 1. June 15: Took 24 boxes of condoms and randomly put them in people's carts when they weren't looking. 2. July 2: Set all the alarm clocks in housewares to go off at 5-minute intervals. 3. July 7: Made a trail of tomato juice on the floor leading to the ladies' restroom. 4. July 19: Walked up to an employee and told her in an official tone, "Code 3 in housewares".....and watched what happened. 5. August 4: Went to the service desk and asked to put a bag of M&M's on lay away. 6. September 14: Moved a "CAUTION - WET FLOOR" sign to a carpeted area. 7. September 15: Set up a tent in the camping department and told other shoppers he'd invite them in if they'd bring pillows from the bedding department. 8. September 23: When our clerks ask whether they can help him, he begins to cry and asks, "Why can't you people just leave me alone?" 9. October 4: Looked right into the security camera, used it as a mirror, and picked his nose. 10. November 10: While handling guns in the hunting department, asked the clerk if he knew where the antidepressants were. 11. December 3: Darted around the store suspiciously, loudly humming the "Mission Impossible" theme. 12. December 6: In the auto department practiced his "Madonna look" using different sized funnels. 13. December 18: Hid in a clothing rack and when people browsed through, yelled, "PICK ME! PICK ME!" 14. December 21: When an announcement comes over the loud speaker, he assumes the fetal position and screams, "NO! NO! It's those voices again!!!!" And last but not least: 15. December 23: Went into a fitting room, shut the door, and waited a while; then yelled very loudly, "There is no toilet paper in here!"
Q. What is the difference between a drug dealer and a hooker? >A. A hooker can wash her crack and sell it again. Q. What's a mixed feeling? A. When you see your mother-in-law backing off a cliff in your new car. Q What's the height of conceit? A. Having an orgasm and calling out your own name. Q. What's the definition of macho? A. Jogging home from your vasectomy. Q. What's the difference between a G-Spot and a golf ball? A. A guy will actually search for a golf ball Q. Do you know how New Zealanders practice safe sex? A. They spray paint X's on the back of the sheep that kick! Q. Why is divorce so expensive? A. Because it's worth it! Q. What is a Yankee? A. The same as a quickie, but a guy can do it alone. Q. What do Tupperware and a walrus have in common? A. They both like a tight seal. Q. What do a Christmas tree and a priest have in common? A. Their balls are just for decoration. Q. What is the difference between "ooooooh"and "aaaaaaah"? A. About three inches. Q. Why do Gay men wear ribbed condoms? A. For traction in the mud. Q: What's the difference between purple and pink? A. The grip. Q. How do you find a blind man in a nudist colony? A. It's not hard. Q: How do you circumcise a hillbilly? A: Kick his sister in the jaw. Q: What's the difference between a girlfriend and a wife? A: 45 pounds. Q: What's the difference between a boyfriend and a husband? A: 45 minutes. Q: Why do men find it difficult to make eye contact? A: Breasts don't have eyes. Q: If the dove is the bird of peace, what is the bird of true love? A. The swallow. Q: What is the difference between medium and rare? A: Six inches is medium, eight inches is rare. Q. Why do women rub their eyes when they get up in the morning? A . They don't have balls to scratch!
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