Ok..21 years of this shit...and 3 1/2 months of constant pain is makin me..go a little batty ,makin me feel MORE than useless. My doctor calls me a pelvic cripple, my husband has to wait on me hand and foot..i can barly take care of my kid, can't take her to a park to even fuckin play cause it hurts to walk...What kind of fuckin mom am I? she sees me drugged up on painkillers all the time, she sees me in pain CONSTANTLY and half asleep causeof painkillers. NO 4 yr old deserves to have a mom like this.
Then there's this question of sanity..lately..It's so not there..the sanity, the depression has kicked in FULL tilt and I don't know how to sto pit, I want to see blood...*MY* Blood more than i have ever wanted to in my life, and the only things that stop me from carving anymore are the 2 people I am completely fuckin useless for.
The more i get told to fight the more i wanna tell people to shut the fuck up...
This pain, this disease ... i don't know anymore..live..die..carve..bleed..will the other pain stop if i do?
How is this a good life for anyone who is involved in mine???
