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AN ACTUAL CRAIG'S LIST PERSONALS AD
To the Guy Who Tried to Mug Me in Downtown Savannah night before last.
Date: 2010-09-27, 1:43 a.m. E.S.T.
I was the guy wearing the black Burberry jacket that you demanded that I hand over, shortly after you pulled the knife on me and my girlfriend, threatening our lives. You also asked for my girlfriend's purse and earrings. I can only hope that you somehow com...e across this rather important message.
First, I'd like to apologize for your embarrassment; I didn't expect you to actually crap in your pants when I drew my pistol after you took my jacket.. The evening was not that cold, and I was wearing the jacket for a reason.. my girlfriend was happy that I just returned safely from my 2nd tour as a Combat Marine inAfghanistan .. She had just bought me that Kimber Custom Model 1911 .45 ACP pistol for my birthday, and we had picked up a shoulder holster for it that very evening. Obviously you agree that it is a very intimidating weapon when pointed at your head ... isn't it?!
I know it probably wasn't fun walking back to wherever you'd come from with crap in your pants. I'm sure it was even worse walking bare-footed since I made you leave your shoes, cell phone, and wallet with me. [That prevented you from calling or running to your buddies to come help mug us again].
After I called your mother or "Momma" as you had her listed in your cell, I explained the entire episode of what you'd done. Then I went and filled up my gas tank as well as those of four other people in the gas station, -- on your credit card. The guy with the big motor home took 153 gallons and was extremely grateful!
I gave your shoes to a homeless guy outside Vinnie Van Go Go's, along with all the cash in your wallet. [That made his day!]
I then threw your wallet into the big pink "pimp mobile" that was parked at the curb ..... after I broke the windshield and side window and keyed the entire driver's side of the car.
Earlier, I managed to get in two threatening phone calls to the DA's office and one to the FBI, while mentioning President Obama as my possible target.
The FBI guy seemed really intense and we had a nice long chat (I guess while he traced your number etc.).
;In a way, perhaps I should apologize for not killing you ... but I feel this type of retribution is a far more appropriate punishment for your threatened crime. I wish you well as you try to sort through some of these rather immediate pressing issues, and can only hope that you have the opportunity to reflect upon, and perhaps reconsider, the career path you've chosen to pursue in life.. Remember, next time you might not be so lucky. Have a good day!
Thoughtfully yours, Semper Fi,
Alex

TRUE Until i had you life was unbearable until i had you love was lost until i had you my heart was breaking until i had you fear of life was gone now i have you life is joy now i have you love is here now i have you my heart is pumping now i have you the life is glowing
Love Is ... Love is the greatest feeling, Love is like a play, Love is what I feel for you, Each and every day, Love is like a smile, Love is like a song, Love is a great emotion, That keeps us going strong, I love you with my heart, My body and my soul, I love the way I keep loving, Like a love I can't control, So remember when your eyes meet mine, I love you with all my heart, And I have poured my entire soul into you, Right from the very start.
Until i had you life was unbearable until i had you love was lost until i had you my heart was breaking until i had you fear of life was gone now i have you life is joy now i have you love is here now i have you my heart is pumping now i have you the life is glowing
What I Love About You I love the way you look at me, Your eyes so bright and blue. I love the way you kiss me, Your lips so soft and smooth. I love the way you make me so happy, And the ways you show you care. I love the way you say, "I Love You," And the way you're always there. I love the way you touch me, Always sending chills down my spine. I love that you are with me, And glad that you are mine.
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