lil mama 08's blog: "writings"

March 2004 My thoughts are all scrambled My mind running a mile a minute The images becoming so clear One thought is to take the rope and slowly Put around my neck. Not caring about how long it will take, Just wanting to leave this god forsaken place. Then another thought and image jump in my mind, Wanting to be free and not lonely anymore. I could make the incissions so deleactly Parrallel and sit back and watch, As the blood pours and starts Swirling around and around I realize my blood is ME, If my blood could run free like that then so can I But what of the one who has to clean up? So my next thought was all that medication!?!? It's so easy just to open and swallow Go and lay were you want your last breath to be taken Yes, this is the one This is how I will go tonight To close my eyes with all the hurt and lonelyness And let it all slip away into the dark abyss of my mind To dream wonderful dreams that I will never Have to wake up to and lose again To all those who didnt want this I am sorry But to sleep for eternity or live in hurt and lonelyness Well all I have to say is I have decided, I dont want to hurt anymore I dont want to be alone or lonely anymore I want to sleep for eternity, peacefully by: Malissa M. Watkins

September 2003 As I watch everyone say goodbye to you, I cryed. I cryed because all of our memories together, When I go to the casket I look down at a person, Who touched so many lives, I cant take it, I have to get away. While I watch the put you in the ground, I yearn to be in your spot. I wish the lord had taken me and not you, After everything had passed, I go home and look around at nothing, You arne't here anymore, Why should I get to be? I get a knife and start pressing, Deep and hard but the pain is numb to me, I get a bunch of pills and take them, Still nothing but the numbness of being, Hurt and being alone. I just want to have the numbness go away, I just want you to be here again, I start to cry and realize you are here, You are with me, Your the one preventing me from doing the Idiotic shit I was pulling. I realize its not my time to go But how long will the numbness stay? How long before i can let go? by: Malissa M. Watkins

July 2002 Laying there. When he took you from me I wanted to go with you They say everyone goes But why you? Why so young? If he can take you away from me, I can take myself, Take myself away from this demented life, Take myself away from all the bullshit in life, Take myself away from all this that which is a lie, And be with you again, So I lay here, With my arms to my side, Watching the brilliant color and shades of red, As it dances around my sides, Flowing free like how I am about to be, But will u be there waiting for me? Its too late now, I feel the coldness through my body, As I lay here shivering, Its too late.......... by: Malissa M. Watkins