Sylent's blog: "Writings"

Got this froma  friend.  Found this hilarious so I had to share it, 

How to Sing the Blue

By Lame Mango Washington

1.  Most Blues begins with "Woke Up This Morning"

2.  "I got a good woman" is a bad way to begin the Blues, unless you stick something nasty in the next line: "I got a good woman, with the meanest face in town."

3.  The Blues is simple.  After you get the first line right, repeat it.  Then find something that rhymes...  Sort of:  "Got a good woman, with the meanest face in town.  Got teeth like Margaret Thatcher, and she weigh 500 pound."

4.  The blues are not about choice:  You're stuck in a ditch; you're stuck in a ditch ain't no way out.

5.  Blues Cars:  Chevy's, Cadillac's and broken down trucks.  Blues don't travel in Volvos, BMW's, or SUV's.  Most blues transportation is a Grayhound bus or a southbound train.  Jet aircraft and state-sponsored motor pools ain't even in the running.  Walkin' plays a major part in the blues lifestyle.  So does fixin' to die.

6.  Teenagers can't sing the blues.  They ain't fixin to die yet.  Adults sing the blues.  In blues, "Adulthood" means being old enough to get the electric chair if you shoot  a man in Memphis.

7.  Blues can take place in New York City, but not in Hawaii or any place in Canada.  Hard times in St. Paul or Tucson are just depression.  Chicago, St. Louis, and Kansas City are still the best places to have the Blues.  You cannot have the blues in any place that don't get rain.

8.  A man with male pattern baldness ain't the blues.  A woman with male pattern baldness is.  Breaking your leg cuz you're skiing is not the blues.  Breaking your leg cuz an alligator be chompin' on it is.

9.  You can't have the blues in an office or a shopping mall.  The lighting is wrong.  Go outside to the parking lot or sit by the dumpster.

10a.  Good places for the blues.

a. A highway

b. A Jailhouse

c. An Empty Bed

d. the Bottom of a Whiskey bottle

10b.  Bad places

a. Ashrams

b. Gallery Openings

c. Ivy League Institutions

d. Golf Courses

11.  No one will believe it's the Blues if you wearin' a suit.  Unless you happen to be an old black man and you slept in it.

12a.  Do you have the right to sing the Blues?  Yes if:

a. You're older than dirt

b. You're blind

c. You shot a man in Memphis

d. You can't be satisfied.

12b.  Do you have the right to sing the Blues?  No if:

a. You have all your teeth

b. You were once blind but now you can see

c. The man in Memphis lived

d. You have a retirement plan or trust fund.

13.  Blues is not a matter of color.  It's a matter of Bad Luck.  Tiger Woods cannot sing the blues.  Gary Coleman could.  Ugly white people also got a leg up on the blues.  

14.  If you ask for water and Baby gives you gasoline, it's the Blues.  Other acceptable blues beverages are:

a. Cheap Wine (Mad Dog 20/20, Ripple etc...)

b. Whiskey or Bourbon

c. Muddy Water

d. Black Coffee

15.  If it occurs in a cheap motel or a shotgun shack, it's the a Blues death.  Stabben in the back by a jealous lover is another Blues way to die.  So are the electric chair, substance abuse, and dying lonely in a broken-down cot.  You can't have a blues death if you die during a tennis match or during Lipo-suction.

16.  Some blues names for Women:

a. Sadie

b. Big Mama

c. Bessie

d. Fat River Dumpling

17.  Some blues names for Men:

a. Joe

b. Willie

c. Little Willie

d. Big Willie

18.  Persons with names like Sierra, Sequoia, and Rainbow can't sing the blues no matter how many men they shoot in Memphis.

19.  Make yer own Blues name (Starter kit)

a. Name of a physical infirmity (Blind, Cripple, Lame etc...)

b. First name (see above) plus the name of a fruit (Lemon, Lime, Kiwi etc...)

c.  Last name of a President (Jefferson, Johnson, Fillmore etc...)

-For Example.  Blime Lime Jefferson, or Cripple Kiwi Fillmore

20.  I don't care how tragic your life; You own a computer, you cannot sing the blues.  You best destroy it.  Fire, a spilled bottle of Mad Dog or a shotgun.  

I don't have the words, nothing new I guess

I don't have the passion that I used to possess

I don't have the desire that once lived inside

And I don't have the time…

I don't have the want that it takes to move on

I don't have the need that I need to belong

I don't have the wish to be a part of this thing

And I don't have the wings…

I don't have the thoughts that I'd need to believe

I don't have the love that it needs to bleed

I don't have the emotions that at one time spilled over

And I don't want to be sober…

I don't have the passion, desire or time

I don't have the want, need or wishes of mine

I don't have the thoughts, love or emotions

I'm simply consumed by all the commotion…

      Just sharing one of my favorites.

  She Walks in Beauty

                                      
    She walks in beauty, like the night 
        Of cloudless climes and starry skies; 
    And all that's best of dark and bright 
        Meet in her aspect and her eyes: 
    Thus mellowed to that tender light 
        Which heaven to gaudy day denies. 
                                      
    One shade the more, one ray the less, 
        Had half impaired the nameless grace 
    Which waves in every raven tress, 
        Or softly lightens o'er her face; 
    Where thoughts serenely sweet express, 
        How pure, how dear their dwelling-place. 
                                      
    And on that cheek, and o'er that brow, 
        So soft, so calm, yet eloquent, 
    The smiles that win, the tints that glow, 
        But tell of days in goodness spent, 
    A mind at peace with all below, 
        A heart whose love is innocent!

I hate myself

As I cry into a pillow

In the shower

On the phone

I hate myself

As I see what I have done

To you

To Us

To a Memory of things and Ideas that should have been.

I hate myself

When I look into the mirror and see a broken man

With no future

With no goals

No Aspirations.

No Direction.

I hate myself

This Loathing and self-deprecation should be torture enough

But it’s not.

It will never be enough because of my actions.

My Thoughts

My words.

You are my everything.

And I hate myself.

There are so many things

That I wish I could say

Troubled thoughts and lost insights

As words get in the way.

Two hearts that are broken

The shards turning gray

Tears being spilled and voices raised

As words get in the way

Cold hearts awaken

In the light of day

Emotions still high

Although words get in the way

I wish things to be different

A love that would stay

But how can it happen?

When words get in the way.

I love you so much more

In each and every way

But Roadblocks I encounter

As words get in the way.

I wish you would love me

And that it was easy for you to say.

But it’s not,

Cause words get in the way.

I get a phone call in the night

From my neighbor because

he's seen my lamp

Flickering in the Window.

And thinks it's Morse Code...

He has called to frantically inform me

he doesn't know the code,

and I sigh,

and he is Frenzied,

And I am too lazy to change the bulb.

With all the pain that I've gone through

I haven't let this destroy my soul

I still know, inside, what rings true

I still know to handle the cold

I know who I am and what I need

And I know in my soul what I deserve

My pleas I replace with prayer

And my heart I now preserve

I push through and hang on tight

Even given the lonesome nights

I know what I need and I know to wait

I know that you'll find me when the timing is right.

I'm dreaming of that day

That you come into my life

Finally ready for a love this way

Finally open to share this life of mine

I want to walk and hold your hand

And talk until we understand

How right we are for each other's lives

And fight together all of life's strife's

I'm finally ready to open this heart

I'm finally open for love to start...

I probably wouldn't be this way

(He feels the tears flow down his face)

I probably wouldn't hurt so bad

(He can still feel her tender embrace)

I never pictured every minute without you in it

(Thier love was laughed at; almost spat at)

Oh you left so fast

(ripped away from their time and place)

Sometimes I see you standing there

(every time his eyes close)

Sometimes I feel an angels touch

(dying to feel her love again)

Sometimes I feel that I'm so lucky to have loved this much

(but in that moment his heart froze)

God give me a moment's grace

(with no word; with no trace)

Cause if I'd never seen your face

(his heart stalled in that place)

I probably wouldn't be this way

(lost in time and space)

I courted the dark angel, Her faithful devotee,
Saw her lay her hand on others; Yet she always held her touch from me.
I courted the dark angel And followed her, as lovers will,
She was my fascination; And yet she spurned me still.
Each day she wore some new disguise Yet with the same pale skin and staring eyes,

So that I knew her all the same, Through each move of her deadly game.
I courted the dark angel In the casual ways of youth,
A furtive smile, a wink of eye, And yet she always passed me by.
But she wont turn from me forever For I have a certain charm,
Even for one as cold as she; One day she will come back for me.
I do not fear her cold, cold lips Or the icy touch of her fingertips,
For I found her secret in the chase. As we lie together in the dark, in the
consummate embrace Of our earthly, bridal bed- She whispers; fear the living, not the dead.