Sometimes, I feel like I am losing my mind..Here I am, a single mother of four beautiful sons...but four...four is a big number now a days...Yes, their father is around but that's about all he is anymore "around"..When the boys ask him for something, something as simple as help with homework all they get out of him is "ask your mom"..Mom does all the laundry, the cooking, the cleaning, the doctor appointments, runs up to the school when someone forgets a bookbag, etc, going on school trips, parties in school-- you name it, I do it all..But that is another story all in itself..One day, I swear karma will catch up with my ex ...he will be old and need his children's help and they won't be there..if there is a God, he will punish my ex for all he put ME AND OUR BOYS through..
I went up to my oldest son Robert's school today to find out he has turned in practically NONE of his homework and will be failing this marking period..If that isn't bad enough his teacher is more concerned because my son is an easy straight A student, God, he has so much potential..I just wish I had half of the artistic abilities and intelligence that he has..He reads in 7th grade on a 11th grade level and is very focused (when he wants to be)...He expresses openly his pain concerning the loss of my boyfriend Ron..Ron was the Daddy he always wanted..in that year, I cannot tell you how many baseballs Ron threw to Robert, how many kites they flew together, sandcastles build, so on...He loved my boys as if they were his own...I DO understand his pain as I will always have a place for Ron in my heart but I have learned to live in the "present" not the past..Do I still cry? Of course, I will probably always have moments when I am weak, we all do...but I know there is happiness out there for me..someone to love me, cherish me...I wait...Robert is beginning to scratch himself to the point of bleeding which scares me more because I am a recovering cutter myself and DO NOT want that for my children...any of them...I did manage to find a young man who is willing to be a mentor for my son through my church- so I am blessed for that...I try to be there for Robert as much as I can but he will be 13 in Feb and I believe alot of his behaviour has alot to do with puberty as well..I cannot imagine what he must be going through..I try to remind him to act in a manner in which it would make Ron PROUD not disappointed with him..that seems to get through to him...He does focus on his art work alot, his drumming-- that is his escape I believe..I love my boys so very much and when they cry, I cry..when they hurt...I hurt...please keep my children in prayer...all of my dear friends ..you have been so good to me, thankyou!
