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What are you waiting for?
I'm wondering when my new life will actually begin or has it begun already? I feel so proud of myself when I get one thing accomplished that i've been wanting to be done but I am wondering why I am still down. I'm happy that I've lost the pounds that I've lost, amd still wanting to lose more cause I still feel that I'm a whale.
I'm happy that I"m finally away from that asshole and living on my own, but yet..I'm lonely. Real lonely. I talk to my cats a lot...I feel like I'm gonna be some insane person...heh...I'll talk to people online...every now and then I'll hang out with some friends, but...I still feel so lonely and hurt inside. I am wondering how long this feeling will last.
I'm trying to erase things from my life that wouldn't bring painful memories. Whether it be the times with my ex or other things. Sometimes I'll think of things or things would come into my mind and I have to yell at myself to get that thought out of me. Afraid of being hurt, bad memories or whatever.
After I get the other home cleaned up...that's one thing that will be off from my mind...I have some things that I want to do to help me focus on other things. Goling back to the gym, drawing again even if it's doodling, I want to pick up painting....I have the supplies..just never started. I've even day dreamed of just being in a white room, painting my feelings away.
People tell me I should take a vacation...maybe I should but I feel so lonely and money is such a bitch right now...course there's camping but it's too cold for that...I dunno. I don't even know what I want anymore. I want things in my life...some things I push away. The things I want in life seem so much far of a reach and unreal.
