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Piney's blog: "WOMEN......."

created on 12/03/2006  |  http://fubar.com/women/b30754
Adam was walking around the garden of Eden feeling very lonely, so God asked him, "What is wrong with you?" Adam said he didn't have anyone to talk to. God said that He was going to make Adam a companion and that it would be a woman. He said, "This person will gather food for you, cook for you, and when you discover clothing she'll wash it for you. She will always agree with every decision you make. She will bear your children and never ask you to get up in the middle of the night to take care of them.She will not nag you and will always be the first to admit she was wrong when you've had a disagreement. She will never have a headache and will freely give you love and passion whenever you need it. Adam asked God, "What will a woman like this cost?" God replied, "An arm and a leg." Then Adam asked, "What can I get for a rib?" The rest is history....
A HAPPIER MARRIED LIFE: 1. It's important to have a woman who helps at home, who cooks from time to time, cleans and has a job. 2. It's important to have a woman who can make you laugh. 3. It's important to have a woman who you can trust and who doesn't lie to you. 4. It's important to have a woman who is good in bed and who likes to be with you. 5. It's very, very important that these four women do not know each other!

FREE MEALES

It was many years ago since the embarrassing day when a young woman, with a baby in her arms, entered his butcher shop and confronted him with the news that the baby was his and asked what was he going to do about it? Finally he offered to provide her with free meat until the boy was 16. She agreed. He had been counting the years off on his calendar, and one day the teenager, who had been collecting the meat each week, came into the shop and said, "I'll be 16 tomorrow." "I know," said the butcher with a smile, "I've been counting too, tell your mother, when you take this parcel of meat home, that it is the last free meat she'll get, and watch the expression on her face." When the boy arrived home he told his mother. The woman nodded and said, "Son, go back to the butcher and tell him I have also had free bread, free milk, and free groceries for the last 16 years and watch the expression on his face!"

The Silent Treatment

The Silent Treatment A man and his wife were having some problems at home and were giving each other the silent treatment. Suddenly, the man realized that the next day, he would need his wife to wake him at 5:00 AM for an early morning business flight. Not wanting to be the first to break the silence (and LOSE), he wrote on a piece of paper, "Please wake me at 5:00 AM.รข? He left it where he knew she would find it. The next morning, the man woke up, only to discover it was 9:00 AM and he had missed his flight. Furious, he was about to go and see why his wife hadn't wakened him, when he noticed a piece of paper by the bed. The paper said, "It is 5:00 AM. Wake up." Men are not equipped for these kinds of contests.

UNDERSTANDING WOMEN

UNDERSTANDING WOMEN (A MAN'S PERSPECTIVE) I know I'm not going to understand women. I'll never understand how you can take boiling hot wax, pour it onto your upper thigh, rip the hair out by the root, and still be afraid of a spider.

Poof

The first blonde rubs the lamp and the genie magically appears. "Since there are three of you, I will give each one of you a wish," replies the genie. The first blonde thinks for a few minutes and says," I want to be 25% smarter." *POOF!* The blonde turns into a lovely redhead. The second blonde in amazement says, "Well, I want ot be 50% smarter." *POOF* The blonde turned into a beautiful brunette. The third blonde says, " I want to be 50% dumber." *POOF* She turns into a man.

TO EVERY GIRL...

To every girl that dresses cute not skanky. To every girl who wants to be called beautiful not hot. To every girl that will spend her whole day looking for the perfect present for you. To every girl who gets her heart broken because he chose that bitch instead. To every girl that would die to have a decent boyfriend. To every girl who would just like once to be treated like a princess. To every girl that cries at night because of another heartbreak. To every girl that wont get down on her knees and open her mouth just to get a boyfriend. To every girl that just wants to hold hands. To every girl that kisses him with meaning. To every girl who just wishes he cared more. To every girl who would just once want a guy to give their jacket up when they are cold. To every girl who just wants him to call. To every girl who lies awake at night thinking about him. To every girl that just wants to cuddle. To every girl that just wants to sleep with him without having sex. To every girl that is SCARED to put her heart out there again because she has been HURT tooo many times or so badly. To every girl who shows how much she cares and gets nothing back. To every girl that thought maybe this one could be the one. To every girl that believes in her dreams. To every girl that would do anything so she could achieve those dreams. To every girl that laughs at stupid stuff when she actually doesnt think it is funny. To every girl who is just looking for that one and only and is having a rough time along the way. To every girl that has been cheated on because shes not a slut who gives it up to any guy. To every girl that doesnt want a guy who just plays with her emotions but actually cares about how she feels. To every girl who wants words backed up with actions. To every girl that fell for all the lies only to find themselves alone in the end. To every girl that gave her heart away to have it shoved back in her face.....................

GUTS OR BALLS

"GUTS" is arriving home late after a night out with the guys, being assaulted by your wife with a broom, and having the guts to say, "are you still cleaning or are you flying somewhere?" "BALLS" is coming home late after a night out with the guys smelling of perfume and beer, lipstick on your collar, slapping your wife on the ass and having the balls to say, "You're next!

Gun's v Women

#10 - You can trade an old .44 for two new .22s. #9 - You can keep one handgun at home and have another for when you're on the road. #8 - If you admire a friend's handgun, and tell HIM so, HE will probably let you try it out a few times. #7 - Your primary handgun doesn't mind if you have a backup. #6 - Your handgun will stay with you even if you're out of ammo. #5 - A handgun doesn't take up a lot of closet space. #4 - Handguns function normally every day of the month. #3 - A handgun doesn't ask "Do these new grips make me look fat?" #2 - A handgun doesn't mind if you go to sleep after you use it. AND THE NUMBER ONE WAY THAT A HANDGUN IS BETTER THAN A WOMAN. . . You can buy a silencer for a handgun Only a guy would come up with something like this.

VERY BLONDE

FIRST DEGREE A married couple was asleep when the phone rang at 2 in the morning. The very blonde wife picked up the phone, listened a moment and said "How should I know, that's 200 miles from here!" and hung up. The husband said, "Who was that?" The wife answered, "I don't know, some woman wanting to know if the coast is clear." SECOND DEGREE Two blondes are walking down the street. One notices a compact on the sidewalk and leans down to pick it up. She opens it, looks in the mirror and says, "Hmm, this person looks familiar." The second blonde says, "Here, let me see!" So the first blonde hands her the compact. The second one looks in the mirror and says, "You dummy, it's me!" THIRD DEGREE A blonde suspects her boyfriend of cheating on her, so she goes out and buys a gun. She goes to his apartment unexpectedly and when she opens the door she finds him in the arms of a redhead. Well, the blonde is really angry. She opens her purse to take out the gun, and as she does so, she is overcome with grief. She takes the gun and puts it to her head. The boyfriend yells, "No, honey, don't do it!!!" The blonde replies, "Shut up, you're next!" FOURTH DEGREE A blonde was bragging about her knowledge of state capitals. She proudly says, "Go ahead, ask me, I know all of them." A friend says, "OK, what's the capital of Wisconsin ?" The blonde replies, "Oh, that's easy: W." FIFTH DEGREE What did the blonde ask her doctor when he told her she was pregnant? "Is it mine?" SIXTH DEGREE Bambi, a blonde in her fourth year as a UCLA Freshman, sat in her US government class. The professor asked Bambi if she knew what Roe vs. Wade was about. Bambi pondered the question then finally said, "That was the decision George Washington had to make before he crossed the Delaware " SEVENTH DEGREE Returning home from work, a blonde was shocked to find her house ransacked and burglarized. She telephoned the police at once and reported the crime. The police dispatcher broadcast the call on the radio, and a K-9 unit, patrolling nearby, was the first to respond. As the K-9 officer approached the house with his dog on a leash, the blonde ran out on the porch, shuddered at the sight of the cop and his dog, then sat down on the steps. Putting her face in her hands, she moaned, "I come home to find all my possessions stolen. I call the police for help, and what do they do? They send me a BLIND policeman."
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