promise to always wear sandals that fit. My toes will not hang over
and touch the ground, nor will my heels spill over the backs. And the sides
and tops of my feet will not pudge out between the straps.
I will go polish-free or vow to keep the polish fresh, intact and chip-free.
I will not cheat and just touch up my big toe.
I will sand down any mounds of skin before they turn hard and yellow.
I will shave the hairs off my big toe.
I won't wear pantyhose even if my misinformed girlfriend, coworker,
mother, sister tells me the toe seam really will stay under my toes if I tuck it there.
If a strap breaks, I won't duct-tape, pin, glue or tuck it back into
place hoping it will stay put. I will get my shoe fixed or toss it.
I will not live in corn denial; rather I will lean on my good friend Dr.
Scholl's if my feet need him.
I will resist the urge to buy jelly shoes at Payless for the low, low
price of $4.99 even if my feet are small enough to fit into the kids' sizes. This
is out of concern for my safety, and the safety of others. No one can walk
properly when standing in a pool of sweat and I would hate to take someone down
with me as I fall and break my ankle.
I will take my toe ring off toward the end of the day if my toes swell
and begin to look like Vienna sausages.
I will be brutally honest with my girlfriend/sister/coworker when she
asks me if her feet are too ugly to wear sandals. Someone has to tell her that
her toes are as long as my fingers and no sandal makes creepy feet look
good.
I will promise if I wear flip flops that I will ensure that they actually flip
and flop, making the correct noise while walking and I will swear NOT
to slide or drag my feet while wearing them.
I will promise to go my local nail salon at least twice per season and
have a real pedicure (they are about $20 and worth EVERY penny).
I will promi se to throw away any white/off-white sandals that show signs
of wear... nothing is tackier than dirty white sandals.
