And you wonder Why??
Why does she cry?
Why can't she be Happy?
Why does she think she's worthless?
Why would she hurt?
I wonder how many people know what emotional abuse truely is? What it does to live with it day in and day out... How it effects your outlook and your self image...
It leaves invisible scars, sometimes deeper and more painful than physical abuse... Daily battles within to try and overcome the person you have become, not realizing that somewhere along the way you lost yourself... and became everything he told you over and over again...
You loose your self esteem and confidance... The ability to believe in yourself...You start believing the worst and hear the voice in your head over and over again... sometimes screaming, sometimes whispering...but always there. Your friends and family never understand... they think you are crazy for staying ... but what about the kids, what about the commitment? where did the love go? was it ever really there?? How could I be so wrong?? He's right of course, it's my fault it all happened, that's what you start to believe... You settle for less and less, you cry and it starts again... it's your fault, why are you crying? you're nuts...
Inside you scream it's not me... what did i do this time?? Asked for understanding...a little help...someone to hold me when i was sad...
I've been reading messages and a blog from a friend who is going through all of this and more... where did these words come from, well it was my marriage for 10 years. Even now I battle the voices whispering and yelling... all the things i did so wrong...
putting a roof over our heads, working, taking care of the kids...
The flashbacks and nightmares that have plagued me for a few years now... The occasional phone call to stir the nest and demand to see the kids... No child support, No gifts for christmas, birthdays or anything else...
I've stayed away from relationships, for simple reasons... I like affection, I like somebody to recognize that I do a good job and have faith in me...even when I don't have faith in myself... for years i'd been told I'm fat and ugly, and just get more so every day... Maybe someday somebody will be proud enough to be seen with me... to want to be in public with me... to acknowledge their feelings for me... It is the cycle of abuse...and somehow some way we all have to break it...
To the lady that I've been reading... Please know my prayers are with you to find the strength you will need to fight this battle... and may angels keep you as you fight it...
And i am borrowing from you the list of signs of Emotional Abuse...
and yes it's a short version, but the most important things are there...Men and Women can be abusers... It's not gender spacific... If your relationship resembles what is posted you need to seek help... to break the cycle...
Destructive Criticism: mocking, accusing, mimicking, blaming, yelling, name calling
Pressure Tactics: "guilt tripping", telling you what to do
Abusing Authority: always claiming to be right, making all the decisions, using "logic"
Disrespect: interrupting, changing topics, not listening, not responding, twisting words
Abusing Trust: lying, withholding information, cheating on you in any form, jealousy, having secret friendships (male or female)
Breaking promises: not following through on agreements or plans, not sharing responsibility
Emotional withholding: not expressing feelings, not giving supprt, not giving attention or compliments, not respecting others feelings or opinions, withholding affection or sex
Minimizing, denying, blaming: making light of behavior, not taking other persons concerns seriously, saying the abuse doesn't happen, saying YOU caused the abuse or any of these behaviors
Economic control: refusing to give you money or taking your money
Self destructive behavior: alcohol abuse (or other substances),
Isolation: making it hard for you to see family or friends, telling you where you can or cannot go, or making you feel guilty if you do go.
