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Well Im kinda lost at the moment, Im trying to find my center...my place. I know where I want to be, I know what I want to be, and I know who I want there with me (Crystal).....I just can't figure out my place between now and then. I know that I need to better prepare myself for this future that I want more than anything, cause I know that future will have a happy ending (call it a fairy tale ending if you want). So I guess now is my true test of patience. How long will I be able to hold out when the girl I love is in NY and Im here in NC....and when I say hold out I mean emotionally. How long can I stick in with these shit jobs when I know I will make it and be alot happier in a career in motorcycles? I guess that is a time will only tell scenerio. I hope this all comes together soon cause I really want a life of my own....and I want that special someone to share it with me
Well its hard to figure out where to start. Ive been thinking alot about someone and I dont know how to put into words what Im feeling. I haven't gotten to know her really well yet. I mean we've talked and found out things about each other but we really dont KNOW each other. However, I feel this connection to her that is unshakeable. Its like we are on the same page and no one else is there but us. She lives 12 hours away and I sitting here thinking that I believe it could work. I never even met her. However I can look to the flip side of things (which Ive been doing all night). How many people have died for something they believe in and never physically seen or touched that belief. For instance how many people have died in the name of God? They died for what they believed in and yet they have never met god. They've never even had a glimpse of god. All they had was the belief that god cared for them and that one day they would meet god and that in itself was enough for them to fight for it. So now it comes back to me. Given time could I not do the same.....I believe I could. I believe I could fall for this person. I know one day I will see her and I believe that we have the beginnings of something that could grow to be a beautiful thing and that in itself is more than enough to fight the odds to have it.....it meaning a relationship, trust, something meaningful, and something that supercedes physical. In ways I think shes feels the same and in ways I think she has the same fears that I have. I guess what it comes down to is I could sit here and ask myself a million "what it" questions and try to convince myself that it wouldn't ever work but I couldn't do it. Why because I wouldn't be true to myself and what I really feel. Its going to take time, but at the moment time is all we have.
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