As life winds down slow, I find myself reflecting. A greater purpose in all of this. Why am I here? It is no shock or surprise to anyone that I have battled my whole life with depression. The peaks and valleys of a tormented mind cannot be understood by anyone other than the tormented soul herself. There were many days I stood in front of the mirror and tried in desperation to recognize the reflection. I have always shown the world one side, and kept the other to myself. In my mind I live for noone. The greatest secret I have ever kept...was myself. I have lived and been touched by things some people are lucky enough to never have experienced. I have had life given and taken from me, abused, molested, raped, beaten, abducted, tormented and a few other things that I will take to my grave with me. I have been loved, lost, used, cheated on, left and abandon. Through it all my heart has broken a million times, ground so deep into the dirt that I had no will left to even breathe. I open up to very few, I don't blab my tales of pain, they are scars that I keep hidden beneath my sleeves. Somehow though, I always find a way to stand back up, to face it all again. Am I masochistic? I don't know anymore. All I know is that standing in the mirror the other day...I knew the woman who stared back at me. Am I crazy to still want it all? That small aching part of me that holds on to romantic hope that love has not all but died? To feel arms wrapped around me and know my other half does in fact live. The one to make life whole and a heart complete. That longing to believe....that person was me....
