Well, things are going "ok" in my world I suppose. It seems like everything bad happens in one week....
Last night at work I realized something... and when I realized this thought, I about died.....
I was sitting thinking about all this crap going on in my life (and if you don't know about it I'm either going to tell you this weekend when we both are off of work and i have time for the extended version, or i don't like you enough to tell you {which applies to most of you [although, some of you I really do like, but haven't had time to email each and everyone of you, so if you wanna know, email me, i'll probably explain...]}) SO anyways.... i was thinking about all this crap going on in my life... and somehow led back to lindon... now, as most people know, i hop on his myspace from time to time. I check out who is leaving annoying little messages on his page, and blah blah blah.... I was at work last night, checked his myspace... annoying cute comments from other chicks, hopped off his page, and 3 hours later went.... holy shit... it didn't bother me.... Now, I doubt THIS revelation is related either indirectly, nor directly, to the drama going on in my life... but it seems the drama in my life did bring me to think of lindon. I guess I've gotten to that point, I just can't care about him anymore. I just have gotten so sick and tired of loving someone I can't be with, that i gave up. I don't know how I feel about it. I've been "ok" w/ this for quite sometime, and I said "FUCK HIM" last summer w/ the bullshit lexi comment.... but I hadn't realized I'd actually "moved on" and began worrying about my own life until last night. When it actually happened, I don't know. I was in Ponca a few days ago... and actually cried... I miss Lindon... I miss what I has with him. I miss being held, and feeling safe, and feeling loved and comfortable, and happy.... I miss that.... Last Night i felt the same things (for the most part) w/ someone else. Thats the thing that downright destroyed my marriage. Despite the drama the bullshit and all the shit between dennis and i... when he held me, i never felt safe, secure, happy, nor comfortable.... never... Last night, I did. (to those of you who DON'T know who i'm talking about, email me, i'll try and explain this situation)
I haven't posted a lot of stuff on my blog about whats been going on in my life, because most of it, i don't want everyone to know... there's so much stuff that i personally don't even understand.... I'm confused, I'm perplexed, I'm annoyed.... I don't know what it is I'm supposed to be doing in my life...
On a less crappy, sad, or otherwise depressing note, I've been hanging out a lot in Perry w/ Jane Chris and Aiden... the girls LOVE going over there to hang out.... but they're also beginning to become somewhat bratty while over there. My thinking is that they think they can get away w/ it because we're there.... ooohh boy are they wrong.... but they're getting better.
Well, my dears, it's 730. I'm 30 mins past my bedtime, i still have to wake up at 10 to take tash to Dance Class.... YAY!! *lol* gotta love dance class.... yup yup yup~ so anyways~ yeah. I'm gonna go to bed now.... much love to you all, hope you all have a wonderful day~ and email me and let me know how things are going!!!
