Morganite's blog: "What's going on..."

Well, well... Seems like I keep having these... Maybe one day it will get better??? I damn sure hope so. They use to tell me that for everything bad that happens, something really good will happen... I am waiting! This was a bad week because I had strep throat. I felt like I got into a fight with a Mac truck... Guess who won??? I felt like total crap. I think yesterday was like the first time that I got on here since about Sunday. Thanksgiving was good. I had a friend over for Thanksgiving. He cooked the turkey and even took it home with him... lol. It's ok. We're not to big of fans of turkey. So there was no lose there. Also... I made an 81 on my Business Law exam!!!! YAY!!! That's not bad for someone that had been out of their mind for like the past couple of days and had a bad headache when taking the test. THANK YOU CSI AND LAW & ORDER!!! lol. I think that I'm falling for someone, but still kinda scared about things. I guess when you've been treated like shit a lot, you tend to feel like it's going to happen each time. But I think this person is different. We've (the kids & I) taken to him. I do care a lot about this person and want to be with this person too... Back to other things... lol... Had a moment of tender heart... lol. I only have 4 days left of school!!! YAY again!!!! WHOO HOOO!!! I got Monday, Wednesday, the following Monday and Tuesday. I will be a college graduate FINALLY!!!! I am so proud of myself... I am amazed... I made it! SO that brings me to something else. Since I put a lot of effort in finishing up, it has made me realize, that I need to put effort in making myself a better person. I know that I am a good person, but I down myself alot. I grew up with a lot of negativity. But you know what? No matter what they told me that I couldn't do, I tried it, just to show that I can do it. I can do whatever I set my mind and heart to. And I'm going to do that with this person that I have chosen and has chosen to be with me. SO WISH ME LUCK. I HAVE EXAMS IN ABOUT A WEEK AND A HALF. I KNOW I WILL PASS AND DO GOOD. BECAUSE THAT IS A GOAL THAT I HAVE SET, IS TO DO GOOD AND BE DAMN GOOD AT IT... LOL. I AM SO GOING TO POST MY DIPLOMA ON HERE!!! I'M SO EXCITED AND READY! READY FOR THE BREATHER OF CHRISTMAS HOLIDAYS AND SPENDING TIME WITH MY CHILDREN AND THE PERSON IN MY HEART...

I know that I tend to have some pride issues. I am trying to work on it. But if anyone knows something about the coding with lounges, please let me know. I really could use someone, anyone's help. I did have some help once, but I opened my big mouth because I felt like I was being left out and felt like I wasn't helping to put it together. I don't want others to do all the work for me. I do want to help and to learn. I really want for my lounge to work out. So, here I am, FULLY ADMITTING THAT I DO NEED HELP! I am clueless about this. I really and honestly do need help though. And to those that tried to help me, but my pride and stupidity got in the way, I do apologize. I am very sorry. I did not realize how hard it is to do all that. I hope that you accept my plee and will be willing to help me once again... If not, I do understand. Thank you.

Just wanted to wish y'all a very Happy Thanksgiving. I also hope that ya'll have a safe and wonderful holiday. Y'all have a safe and happy holiday week! HAPPY TURKEY DAY, TURKEYS.... LOL *Now that's funny, I don't care who you are!*

***Blog Disclaimer*** This blog is no shape or form directed toward anyone. If you happen to think that it is, it's your own guilt eating at you...*** This is something that's been in there for the past 7 years... I have things going through my head that I need to get out. Some days I wish that my brain was like a computer that I could just simply delete out what I don't want there. But I know that I can't, so I just block them and bottle them up. It's time the genie came out. I am so sick of being bottled up. I hate seeing you like this. You should not let anyone treat you this way. If he cares as he says he does, then he should let everyone know. I think that he has a hidden agenda. He's using you. He's made you cry, he's made you sad. No one should make you feel that way and you know it. You know what it feels like to be loved, wanted, needed, and desired. You remember those feelings. Don't settle for someone that makes you feel the way you do. He's only out for himself. He cares nothing for you. Look what he has done to you. He doesn't want you to be you, he wants you to be something that you are not. You know that there is someone that most definitely loves you for you and will take you at the moment that you are to call and give the word. He does not want to see you sad or mad, nor does he ever want to see you cry, unless it's out of happiness. He never would hurt you. He only wants you happy and to be loved by someone that is so deserving of it. Let go of this. It's time to take a stand. No one should ever bring you down darling. You are much better than he could ever deserve. You have a heart with love, caring, and honesty. No one should ever take that away from you. No one should ever try to make you change to what they want. If they want that, then they need to move on. You are a wonderful person. There are so many people that will agree. But not all of them matter or count. The ones that do are those that are close to your heart and I know who that is. I will never tell. You don't need this. You are to much of a sweet heart to be taken advantage of like this. Don't let this happen. Stand your ground. I know what it is that you want. I believe that he's using you for whatever personal gain he has. You don't need that. Just another sob story that needs to go to Maury, maybe even Jerry. I hate the way he makes you feel. I hate him. Things should be about the both of you, not just one of you. You both have feelings, you both have something at stake, you both have something to lose. I know that you stand to lose more than he does. Please don't ever lose you over anyone. You have so many that do love you and want to see the best for you. I know. You stay strong. I can't tell you what to do... I can only try to guide you the best that I can. I am here so that you can let out what's bothering you. If there is a feeling that you can't seem to shake, then don't try to. It's there for a reason. I know that you don't want to be like him. I know that's not you. He got in your head. It took a while, but we got him out. No one should ever get in your head like that. He used you. He lied to you. He was never there when you needed him. He cheated on you. He made you do things you didn't want to do. He made you cry, he made you sad. He has no control or power over you. Let it go. Please. HE HAS NO POWER OVER YOU! He has nothing. He is nothing. He will never be anything but a thorn in your side. Take that demon down. Don't let him have you that way. You are better than that. You deserve better than that. You know it, he knows it. But who do you listen to? If not me, if not your friends, if not him.... Then please listen to what your heart tells you. I know it's hard. But you have that wall to provide protection for you. You should never let it or your guard down. You take care of yourself and those children. Let it go. Stop letting him take you away from you.

My uncle passed away on Friday, November 16, 2007. He made it 10 days past his 78th birthday which was November 6, 1929. My other uncle is hopefully going to make it from his stroke. It was a rainy day today. It seems as though when there's a funeral it rains. I mentioned it to a friend of mine, and he said, that even the angels have to cry when someone is taken away from us. I know that he is in a better place and not suffering anymore.

***Blog Disclaimer*** This blog is no shape or form directed toward anyone. If you happen to think that it is, it's your own guilt eating at you...*** Last night I had a crazy dream. I dreamed that I saw you kissing another woman. But I thought you were interested in me? You saw me. You said that it meant nothing. I know better. I then saw you in the hot tub kissing a different woman. There was a scene, you are out of my life. You are not physically dead, but you are dead to me. This was but a mere dream, but it has bothered me some. I thought that I would leave it here to be out of my head.

It's not been that good of a week for me. I've been caught up with going to school and working. I've gotten on here some too. Got into an arguement with a friend over something stupid. On Wednesday, I found out that 2 of my uncles (they are both my daddy's brothers) were in the hospital. One went in because he had pnemonia and the other had a stroke. The one that had the pnemonia wound up having a massive heart attack that night. Then Thursday, he started having kidney failure. He passed away today. As far as I know my other uncle is in the hospital and fighting. I think that he well bounce back in time. So, I have a funeral to go to sometime here the next couple of days. And next week I get to see my friend and spend some time with my friend... We're spending Thanksgiving together because of my friend not having much family and I'm so sweet hearted (I know it's really funny, ain't it.. lol) that I offered my friend to spend it with my family. So, thank you in advance for any prayers that may be given for my family, and the sympathy for my family. It is very much appreciated. And HAPPY TURKEY DAY ALL Y'ALL TURKIES!!!!! LOL lol.... HAPPY THANKSGIVING I hope next week will be a better week... I'm out and so are the kids... I know they are sooo ready for it! I'm definitely ready for a break... lol

COME JOIN US !!! What are you doing right now? Seriously? Bored at work? Talking to some fake person? Staring at Nude pics which really are not them? Bored as hell? Then come join me in one of my lounges. No drama. No Bullshit. No one in a critical state and dying every week....Just good people and great friends. Click one of the pics below and get transported to a whole new level of fun! Come take a trip through ~ஐ~Oñyx Pórtál~ஐ~!!!! Where the fun and friends never end!!!

*This blog is not directed toward anyone specific.* I have so many pent up frustrations! I think that it's time to let it all out before someone that does not deserve it catches it... I am so sick of bullshit. I don't like to be treated like I'm less than what I truly am. I am a person and I have real and honest feelings. When someone hurts my feelings about things that they say, yes, it truly does hurt me, but yet I do not let on that it does. I do not want to let anyone know that they are getting to me. But right now, this isn't about anyone, this is about in general... So if you are reading this and feel like it might be directed toward you, it's not. Not everything is about you. This is about me and my anger, hate, and frustrations. I have a burden that I carry and I believe that it is time to get it out. I've tried going to counseling. It only pisses me off. I know where it comes from. I bottle up everything. Well, this time the bottle got shaken and it's time to blow! I have a lot of pent up frustrations. I don't say anything because I like to think that I am a nice person and giving someone the benefit of the doubt. I'm sick of people assuming that I'm such an asshole because I reject them. Yes, you are damn straight, I am an asshole. I have no problems admitting to it. But why am I such an asshole is what you need to ask??? I am an asshole because of the way I've been treated! I know that some of it is probably my fault because I LET them. I was in a really bad relationship for almost 2 years... I stayed with a person that yelled at me just about everyday, cussed me out for no reason at all, accused of f*cking someone else, cheated on me, lied to me, and basically made me feel so damn shitty. I thought that I "loved" him and he "loved" me. Thought that things would change and get better... It never did... I lived like I was walking on broken glass all the time. I use to be scared to say what I felt, because I was afraid of what he might do to me. I have not felt that way in over 7 years. Those feelings have somehow resurfaced. I don't like these feelings that I am having right now. I want to vent, I want to SCREAM, I want to YELL, I want to CRY, I want to just hit something as hard as I can till I only feel physical pain, But I really WANT someone to hold me and tell me that everything will be alright, it gets better, just takes time. I just REALLY want someone to HOLD me and be there for me. I feel like I'm walking on broken glass. I want to speak my mind about things, but I don't want to hurt anyone's feelings or lose something that might be. I am not perfect and no where close to it. I am me. I know that there are things about me that I probably need to change, but it all takes time. I want to be accepted for being me! I feel like some things that people say to me, makes me feel like they are attacking my judgment. I am trying my best to change some things about myself. I'm trying to become a little less heartless. I honestly do have a big heart and a lot of love to offer someone but it's only if they are willing to take care of it and I will do the same for them. I'm trying to let go of all the pain and anger. I'm taking things one day at a time. I can feel the changes as each day goes by. A little more of it goes away. I want to feel at ease and at peace. If you truly want to get to know me... Don't judge me by things that I have done. That's all in the past. It's been done and is over with. It's who I am now. I am a really good person. I try to cherish every moment that I have with someone. I've had a lot of pain in my life. I don't like to talk about the things that I've been through because to me it's very personal and I've had people to use those things to make personal attacks on me to hurt me and make me do things that I don't want to do. I am a survivor! I put up and lived with shit that I know that no one should ever have to go through. I’ve been told that you have to accept that bad along with the good to let things even out. I REFUSE to let anyone make me feel less than what I am, to make me feel like I’m not “good” enough for them. I REFUSE to let anyone TALK AT me instead of TO me. I am NOT a dog, I do NOT want someone to talk to me like that. Think about it, if the coin was flipped, would you want someone to talk to you like that. Think about some things before they are said. There might be a lot more at stake then someone might ever realize. I know that there I have been times that I get so frustrated with others that I just shut them out. I don’t mean to. I just feel like they are attacking my ability to do things. I know that I can do things if I try. OFFER to help me, don’t just say “You’re doing it all wrong.” That really frustrates the hell out of me. Talk to me how you would want someone to talk to you in certain situations. Communication is a thing that is lacking. I don’t know what I’m doing wrong if I’m not told. I am NOT a mind reader… IF I were… I would not be wasting my time getting my frustrations out about things on here, I would be busy taking money from the filthy rich and basically telling them what they want to hear! I don’t want to be told things that I want to hear, I want to be told things that comes from the heart of the person that’s talking to me. Let me know what’s going on… Help me to learn from my mistakes so that it doesn’t happen again. It’s not a one way street, people have to give a little and take a little and hope for the same in return. I have the tendency to give more than I take. I think that I have a little pride about myself not to take to much. Well I think that I feel better now. Take care and I’ll probably post another one when I get so damn frustrated and need to vent. I think that I was very modest and nice this time… But maybe next time, I’ll just let it fly. Just whatever pops in my head to type it… Later…

This is what's going on... *This blog is not directed toward anyone specific.* Down to what's going on... Well... Next week, I will be taking my finals for my online classes! YAY!!! I believe that I only have like 3 more weeks left of school! I am so ready to get out! I will be getting my diploma. Tax season is going to kick off January... That should be fun... lol. Tax season can be quite interesting at times... lol. But I'm planning on putting my education to some use. I'm going to get into the hotel part of it. This is what's been going on with my education. The kids are good. I believe they are ready for the week of Thanksgiving to be out for a while. They had a good Halloween. As for me in general... I'm sure ya'll are wondering a little about my social status... When you know something about it, please let me know. Cause apparently I'm not sure what the hell is going on... lol. This is what I do know...lol. I have met someone. He's good guy, sweet, and nice. I'm not sure where it's going. Right now we are getting to know one another and finding out one another likes and dislikes. Communication is a real key factor in getting to know anyone. That's something that I know that I have to work on. I've been single for quite some time and trying to work on breaking some of my habits. I am happy with him. I hope that this goes somewhere... I'm not going to push it. I want to be with someone because I WANT to be with them and they WANT to be with me. I think that we have a lot in common and I honestly believe that we are alike in more ways than either of us let on. But that's another story... The important thing here is that I honestly do think a lot of him, care about him and like him a lot. But so ya'll know... I am happy and have someone that I am TRULY and HONESTLY interested in at this moment... Later Mater... ha ha, I said Later Mater, that rymes... omg, i'm a frigging nut... lol