Hello, children. I can see you all have questions. Well, I would like to answer those questions.
WITH MY IRON FIST OF FEAR.
And cookies.
"What is the Ministry?" I hear you all asking in your confused, perplexed and lost voices.
Do not fear, children. The Ministry is here to help you.
BY DESTROYING YOUR WORLD.
There's a lot of confusion and loss in this world, children. So many people, looking for answers, looking for love, looking for reason and purpose and a meaning to this world.
Some people find it in religion, whether it be Christian or Jew or Hindu or Muslim or Buddhist.
Others find it in good works, through charity, and compassion, and helping others.
There are also people who find their meaning in work, in building things of and in this world to leave their names and legacies behind them with.
Indeed, in these troubled times, there are even those who find meaning in simple hedonism. Drinking, eating, drugs, sex, all of the pleasures of the flesh, this is what holds meaning to these souls.
The Ministry does not judge any of these as good, or bad. because the Ministry is founded on one simple truth.
NOTHING IS TRUE. EVERYTHING IS PERMITTED.
When you truly understand this, children, then...and only then...will you be freed from your loss, from your confusion. Then, and only then, will you be prepared to join THE MINISTRY OF PAIN (and cookies)in spreading the One True Message (which is false)(*tm).
Until then, your Minister will work patiently and gently to help guide you through these dark and troubled times.
Because even though YOU ARE ALL WORMS UNFIT TO LICK OUR BOOT-HEELS...
...One day, you will shed the illusions that trap you on Earth and spread your wings as beautiful butterflies. Or flies. Or some kind of wierd alien bat-wasp-lizard hybrid flying thing that frankly scares us a little. But hey, to each their own.
