ONYX's blog: "What if"

Is there ANYONE on this site who is true, honest, and faithful!?

Ok I want utilize this time to clear some errs . First of all....I AM NOT A PLAYER!!!!! I am So sick of people assumming that about me. Why? Just cause I have pics of sexy women on my profile. Here's a clue to all the closed minded people....it is ART. I love the female shape. I also love black and white photography. When you add those with subtle colors you have art. NO.I am not a vampire.....JEEZ!!!I can't even believe someone asked me that? Wake up people...This is REAL life. Oh wait I am player because I have nudes of myself on here.....this coming from the same women who have pics of themselves giving oral to different dicks or with toys in damned near every orifice. I have nudes of ME. It is mine and there is nothing wrong with nudity at all. Only what perverts think of it. Oh wait..I am a player because I have SOOOOOOOO many pics in general. Ummm..I like myself....just because you don't and have to put up actresses pics and can only find 4 or 5 and the are all tiny because of the web-site you stole them from doesn't mean I have to. Isn't that what the picture option is for......to add pics? Oh no....maybe I am a player because I have SOOOOO many friends. No...it's cause I am a good person and liked and more importantly ...REAL!!! I also have agreat deal of common sense and intelligence...which brings me to my next subject... I love the way women on here think I am SOOO stupid. That I am clueless to the games being played. How can you confess your undying devotion to someone and be leaving comments and such for every other guy but them? Kinda blows your case out of the water. I don't play games and I don't compete. I refuse to be anyone's second choice. If I feel that there is a game going on or competition.I will end all contact.I deserve better than to be someone's door-mat or to be played in some warped psycho game for attention and affection. So many women on here are so naive and it sickens me. They can not give devotion because they are to stupid to see true caringness and fall for every perverts sad ine on this site. The attention sucks them in. I consider these people weak. I hate this site.really I do....i am only on here for my true friends and maybe more.I assure you....once I find what I am looking for..I will be off this computer. Yes , that is right.I am here looking for someone. So far I have been greatly disappointed. No I am not arrogant.i am confident...get it right. Can love be found on here? Yes , just as well as anywhere else. SO what if you have not met in person...you are still interacting...in fact....when you go to a bar and meet someone you don't know them from crap. At least on here you have some understanding of them. I know it can happen My last two real life girlfriends were met online. One was a year relationship..the other 8 months. I am the exact same person away from this comp as I am here. Only alot more fun. Anyone who takes the time to know me will tell you that I really nothing like what your first impression of me may be. I am a kind, giving, sensative, and sometimes too emotional person.(NO I AM NOT GAY) I am just a man who believes life is too short to BS. I also believe in listening to my heart. No matter what. In being true to myself. Many of you have talked with me and watched me on cam so you know what a fun, happy, BIG KID I can be. And I am too. I get giddy like a kid, I grin like a big kid, i even blush. Many of you are shocked at how easily I do that. I hate rude people. I hate stupidity! I hate liars and fakes. I hate cheats and people who toy with other's emotions. I dealt with that most my life and I won't deal with it again. I am an empath...I can feel others emotions...and it is easy online just by sentence structure and the words used. I know when someone is BS ing me. So I am a player huh...lmao.I have been single for over a year and have not had sex in 6 months..I have only met one person off this site. It's my roomate. i think narrow minded people should do their homework before opening their stupid mouths. Why have I been single so long.because I want my next relationship to be my last! If you can not understand what tha timplies then you should not be reading this anyways... So there it is. i give respect....if you want to talk to me...........do the same! Brian

"KINDNESS IS NOT WEAKNESS...BUT SELF-CONTROL"

Not many people can fully grasp the meaning behind that phrase. As simplistic as it is. If you have interest in someone or even claim to be in love with someone, it should show. I do not merely mean from time to time. No, it should be obvious in everything you do. Many people like to throw the "L-word" out, but there actions do not back up their claims. They may not even use the word love, but express great feelings of emotion and attraction instead. Despite what it may be, it is still emotions. Emotions are fine when they are your own. However, when your emotions become intertwined with another's, it takes on a different meaning and transcends to a different level. There is more than just one party involved at this point. So many times here, I get messaged or approached with compliments or someone taking an interest. I do appreciate that very much so. However, when that is the only message or contact you have with me, I have to then chalk it up to a brief encounter. Why is that? We're all adults here. I am not unapproachable. Life is too short people. Life is one big brief encounter anyway. Why add more smaller ones. You may just find that there is more depth to me than you originally thought. SO many peopple here are afraid of interaction. I suppose that is why they preferr it through a computer monitor. However, it should also make communication easier. It's a double-edged sword really. I do realize that alot of people here are losers or perverts or sycophants. However, if yo udo not talk to someone...... how will yo uever know who is or who isn't. Sometimes it is as simplistic as merely reading their profile or other things they have written. Even looking at there friends profiles to see what they hve written their. Do a little bit of homework people. The internet makes it so easy to be lazy as it is. Not everyone here is fake or puts on false heirs. There are many fakes here also. I have veiwed so many profiles where people have two different pictures of themselves which are of two different people all together. The sad thing is, they claim both are one and the same and that both are them. What sickens me is guys are so desperately horny that they do not even see this and comment on both as if they actually were the same person. Now I do not know about you but, if I see a pic of a girl with a round nose and chin line...then another with a narrow nose and squared chin and also different eyes, I'm going to know it is not the same person. It must be the artist in me. Or the fact that I am into computer graphics. I don't know. However, I can tell a fake profile and pics very easily. Yes, I am well aware that I have many on my own friend's list. Another prime example is these nsfw pics women have. Guys, come on, here's a clue...if they all look professional and none of them show the face...........they are probably fake. Breasts can only change so much. IF the breasts lok one color and shape in one pic and another in a different pic........get a clue. If a woman has pale complexion with no freckles in one pic and tanned or freckled in another and still no tshowing her face................well...you get the idea. Ignorance is bliss I suppose. Some of us have nothing to hide or to lose. I really think that is one of my draw-backs actually. I think I am TOO real for most. When you are used to certain conditions or used to be treated a certain way by people, you come to expect it. Often times when it is not prevailent, you inadvertantly create it. It's the same concept as Eden. Eden would not be acceptable today. Utopia would drive humanity insane. We would all be sitting around waiting for the negative side to occur. Questioning everything. Actually creating drama to take us to a place that we are used to. I'm a very simple person. I try not to complicate things any more than they are. I usually look for the most simplest and basic of answers or reasons. This not does not mean that I am un-intelligent. It also does not mean that I do not know all of the hidden factors of a situation. I just do not choose to dwell on those lttle tangents. It means that I weigh out the situation and combine all the factors into one simple theory. So many people try to change the past or get back with an old flame. It is the past for a reason people. You can not go back and change the past. If it were possible to fix past mistakes...then you would not have wanted to go back and change it to begin with and therefore never would have... Bottom line.....everything happens for a reason. Life is about progression. Moving forward. When I encounter people who live like this I think of it as weakness or cowardness. A fear of what may come. A fear of tomorrow. So easily accepting the mundanity of their existance. Never questing for more. They remain in the safe harbor of familiarity. Afraid to step outside their own world and see what may be. Which goe sback to those two infamous words that drive us in this cynical world............WHAT IF? I suppose what I am trying to say here is...if you want to talk to me or know me..........do it! Do not claim to be interested in me on any level and barely speak to me beond initial contact. Actions speak louder than words.

It really irritates me how many people claim to be looking for the love of their life....yet when you try to give it to them they shun it or run from it. It's very annoying. I get many who claim to be SOOOOO interested in me. So I am like, "ok, no prob" ...and I try to begin open conversations. Yet, these people think I am stupid and can not see them telling other men the exact same things on here. My philosophy is "actions speak louder than words". Whether it is on here or in real life. Don't tell me how interested you are and how badly you want to meet and take things further if you are telling others the same crap. That's games to me and I don't play games. I am a grown adult.....if I want to play games I have a son to do that with. Whether you are involved in person or on-line there is still an issue of trust, respect, and fidelity. Sorry but when I take interest in someone...it is only in that one person. I am not naive' enough to fall into the attention trap that I see many fall into on this site. I have more self-esteem and am more secure in myself to fall for every line fed me. I'm not an idiot. I know who is genuine and who isn't. Just because you may think I am not aware of it...believe me...I am. Here's a hint..I don't compete. Why? because I feel that if someone wants to genuinely take interest in me or be with me...then I should be there FIRST choice and all of their attention should be on me as all of mine would be on them. Always treat others as you would want to be treated. You can't want love if you are unwilling to give it. It just doesn't work that way and I refuse to ever be used or in a one sided relationship again. When I do get into another relationship...I will make certain beyond any doubt that it will be my last. THIS is why I have been single for over a year. I don't want a confused child. I want someone who is determined and confident enough to know what they want and go after it....full throttle. Don't try to toy with my mind or emotins...I assure you I am already 5 steps ahead of you in realizing your game. Peace, Brian

Ok... bare with me today as I feel like laying my thoughts out. What is unconditional love? So many of us think we knw what it is. So many of us claim to be seeking it. Do we really understand it? I think I have a good grasp on it. I may no tbe the world's leading expert. Heh..I suppose if I were I wouldn't be single right? In my opinion, unconditional love or.. . "true love" is not defined by any material possesions. True love doe snot have stipulations or requirements. There's no application to be filled out. True love is an uncontrollable longing all day to see or talk to the person you care for. It's feeling sad in the event that you do not get that opportunity. It's when you find yourself staring at the person you care for with out any given cause. True love does not require change or sacrafice. It is all encompassing. It's patient. It's accepting of every flaw, every insecurity, and yes...every issue. For true love does not discriminate against issues. So often I talk to people who think that love means you have to deal with a person's issues and carry their "baggage". This is not entirely correct. With myself... I carry the person I love. Their baggage is there yes but, it is their own to address. I am here to assist if needed. I don't love the baggage. I love the carrier. Because each and everyone of us has to carry or own baggage. Our own load. However, in love, it is our job to support, to believe, to catch our significant other in the event that they may fall. I do believe that when you love someone you have to accept that the person in question is not perfect. They have a past. They have a life that took place before you entered it. Should it be a constant presence at this time? No. However, the past does remind us of where we have been, where we are, and more importantly...where we wish to be. I guess what I am trying to say is that if someone loves you then they will love everything about you. They will not be hindered or swayed by the past or baggage. True love is falling asleep staring into your partner's eyes and awakening holding each other. True love is when how you feel for someone radiates to everyone around you. They see what you see. They feel what you feel.xcThere are no "buts" in true love. It frustrates me that so many claim to seek it but when it is right in front of them.. they are blinded to it. It makes me wonder what their basis for analysis is on the theory. It doesn't come from the brain. It doesn't come from over-exagerrated movies. It comes from the heart. Love is a feeling, an emotion. It's not a choice that derives from the mind. Too many people overthink it. Too many people refuse to allow themselves to just feel. No one knows tomorrow and yesterday is gone. Too many people are scared to open themselves and allow themselves to just feel. They are too concerned with the "what if's". From my experiences and through much heartache, I have learned that you can never control the "what if's". I believe with love and a very strong level of communication..anything is achievable. There are no... "what if's". There are "whatever's" and when whatever comes...two people strong and unified in love can face it and overcome it much better than one. This will be continued. Brian

In any relationship, whether it is a romantic one or just a friendship I try to put as much effort as I can to talk to everyone and show interest. I really hate it when I feel like I am the only one making an effort to be a friend or even a partner. It makes no sense to me. It's so easy and takes so little time to just let someone know that you care and are there for them. All of you who know me well and many of you have known me for years, know that I try my hardest to show and treat everyone as I would want to be treated. I do not discriminate as to who I talk to and who I do not. Many of you know that , even if I am busy, I will still take the time to respond to you whether it is here or on messenger. Maybe I am a bit old-fashioned as I believe in being courteous to others. I believe in only speaking truthfully in matters of the heart and emotions. I never tell someone I like them or care for them if I do not mean it. My life has enough regrets without adding to them by decieving someone. I've been hurt and used so many times. I do not wish it on anyone else. I think that when it comes to the heart and matters of love... it's an area has no room fo rgames. Do you know that you can accidently poke a friend with a needle and they will forget about it. Even though it hurts like hell? However, if you hurt their heart, they carry that pain with them for the rest of their lives. It effects their entire nature. Their entire being. They begin to question who they are and if the decisions they make are right or justified. The will always ask themselves if they were foolish to ever allow you the opportunity to have access to that heart to begin with. I have made it a rule to never lie about my feelings to anyone. No matter if it is or is not what they want to hear. I have to be true to myself...to my own heart. If I have love fo rsomeone. I am not ashamed to admit it. If I do not.... I would never tell them I do. When i tell someone I love them, it means to me that I love everything I know about them up to that moment. It also means that I wish to continue to discover so much more about them for the rest of my life. It means that I can envision telling that one person I love them for the rest of my life. Love should be unconditional. I have read, seen, and heard so many people claim they are" looking for the love of a lifetime". Yet when it is presented to them they run from it or do not even attempt to allow it a chance to blossom. This tells me that their "love of a lifetime" comes with conditions. Sure they may be looking for the Mr or Mrs Right, but they want it to be so perfect that it is almost text book. Society has implanted this false conception that love comes from looks or from money. That's not love. That is infatuation. SO many people try to plan love or "think to much" when it comes to love. That also is not true love. Love comes from the heart and the heart alone. The brain only ruins it. So what is love exactly? It has many different meanings to everyone. For me it is doing everything in my power to make the person I love happy everyday for the rest of their lives. My love is unselfish. My love is devoting all my energy to the survival and happiness of the relationship I am in. I give 100%. Unfortunately, in my past relationships, I was the only one to give. For so long I thought that this was how it should be. Afterall, I was the man right? I realize now how wrong that concept was. Love is not on eperson giving all. Love is not both parties giving 50%. Love is both parties giving 100%. Love is picking the other up when they fall not kicking them while they are down. It's like everyone is scared now to even try to get know anyone. Why? Why not take a small step towards happiness? I'd rather take a chance to see what could be...then go my whole life wondering what could have been or what if. What if I had only talked to that person? What if I had only met them? What if I had given them a chance? You never know. You may just be turning your back on the greatest relationship you could ever know. What would you do if, in th eend, you were actually shown what your life could have been or should have been had you only taken a chance on someone? What would you do if you found out that the one you did not take a chance on, actually turned out in that reality to be the greatest love of your life? I am reminded of the movie, "Family Man," with Nicholas Cage. I cry everytime I watch that movie. The one scene where he is looking at the baby in the crib who should have been his tears me up. Yes, I am a very emotional person. Especially with babies and children. Of course many of you have known that for years. Anyway, the point is, the movie really demonstrates what I am trying to convey here. What if? Why live life in limbo when heaven could be but a phone call away. Thanks for your time. Love you all, Brian

I don't know what's worse.......fakes here or real people who are so childishly obsessed with this site that they only want ratings and to be CT's number one skank.

I'm pretty stoked and nervous because I am expecting a pkg of toys for Cody that I ordered. They are the same G.I. Joes i had when I was a kid. They re-made them for a 30th anniversary type thing. I really want him to have the same ones I grew up on. They should arrive today. Since I work for UPS and hear all the bad stories.I'm kinda nervous.

I am a lesbian trapped in a man's body!!!!!!!!!!!!