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When I was a kid, adults used to bore me to tears with
their tedious diatribes about how hard things were
when they were growing up; what with walking
twenty-five miles to school every morning ... uphill
BOTH ways .. yadda, yadda, yadda
And I remember promising myself that when I grew up,
there was no way in hell I was going to lay a bunch of
crap like that on kids about how hard I had it and how
easy they've got it!
But now that...
I'm over the ripe old age of thirty, I can't help but
look around and notice the youth of today.
You've got it so easy!
I mean, compared to my childhood, you live in a damn
Utopia!
And I hate to say it but you kids today you don't know
how good you've got it!
I mean, when I was a kid we didn't have The Internet.
If we wanted to know something, we had to go to the
damn library and look it up ourselves,
in the card catalog!!
There was no email! ! We had to actually write
somebody a letter ... with a pen! Then you had to walk
all the way across the street and put it in the
mailbox and it would take like a week to get there!
There were no MP3's or Napsters! You wanted to steal
music, you had to hitchhike to the damn record store
and shoplift it yourself!
Or you had to wait around all day to tape it off the
radio and the DJ would usually talk over the beginning
and @#*% it all up!
And we didn't have fancy Caller ID Boxes either! When
the phone rang,
you had no idea who it was! It could be your school,
your mom, your boss, your bookie, your drug dealer, a
collections agent, you just didn't know!!! You had to
pick it up and take your chances, mister!
We didn't have any fancy Sony Playstation video games
with high-resolution 3-D graphics! We had the Atari
2600! With games like "Space Invaders" and "asteroids"
and the graphics were horrible! Your guy was a little
square! You actually had to use your imagination! And
there were no multiple levels or screens, it was just
one screen forever! And you could never win. The game
just kept getting harder and harder and faster and
faster until you died! . Just like LIFE!
When you went to the movie theater there no such thing
as stadium seating! All the seats were the same
height! If a tall guy or some old broad with a hat sat
in front of you and you couldn't see, you were just
screwed!
Sure, we had cable television, but back then that was
only like 15 channels and there was no onscreen menu
and no remote control! You had to use a little book
called a TV Guide to find out what was on!
You were screwed when it came to channel surfing! You
had to get off your butt and walk over to the TV to
change the channel and there was no Cartoon Network
either!
You could only get cartoons on Saturday Morning.
Do you hear what I'm saying!?! We had to wait ALL WEEK
for cartoons, you spoiled little b#$&*&ds!
And we didn't have microwaves, if we wanted to heat
something up, we had to use the stove or go build a
fire ... imagine that! If we wanted popcorn, we had to
use that stupid JiffyPop thing and shake it over the
stove forever like an idiot.
That's exactly what I'm talking about! You kids today
have got it too easy. You're spoiled.
You guys wouldn't have lasted five minutes back in
1980!
Regards,
The over 30 Crowd
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Do you realize that the only time in our lives when we like to get old is when we're kids? If you're less than 10 years old, you're so excited about aging that you think in fractions.
'How old are you?' 'I'm four and a half!' You're never thirty-six and a half You're four and a half, going on five! That's the key
You get into your teens, now they can't hold you back. You jump to the next number, or even a few ahead.
'How old are you?' 'I'm gonna be 16!' You could be 13, but hey, you're gonna be 16! And then th e greatest day of your life . . You become 21. Even the words sound like a ceremony . YOU BECOME 21. YESSSS!!!
But then you turn 30. Oooohh, what happened there? Makes you sound like bad milk! He TURNED; we had to throw him out. There's no fun now, you're Just a sour-dumpling. What's wrong? What's changed?
You BECOME 21, you TURN 30, then you're PUSHING 40. Whoa! Put on the brakes, it's all slipping away. Before you know it, you REACH 50 and your dreams are gone
But wait!!! You MAKE it to 60. You didn't think you would!
So you BECOME 21, TURN 30, PUSH 40, REACH 50 and MAKE it to 60.
You've built up so much speed that you HIT 70! After that it's a day-by-day thing; you HIT Wednesday!
You get into your 80's and every day is a complete cycle; you HIT lunch; you TURN 4:30 ; you REACH bedtime. And it doesn't end there. Into the 90s, you start going backwards; 'I Was JUST 92.'
Then a strange thing happens. If you make it over 100, you become a little kid ag ain. 'I'm 100 and a half!'
May you all make it to a healthy 100 and a half!!
HOW TO STAY YOUNG
1 Throw out nonessential numbers. This includes age, weight and height. Let the doctors worry about them. That is why you pay 'them.'
2. Keep only cheerful friends. The grouches pull you down.
3. Keep learning. Learn more about the computer, crafts, gardening, whatever. Never let the brain idle 'An idle mind is the devil's workshop.' And the devil's name is Alzheimer's.
4. Enjoy the simple things.
5. Laugh often, long and loud. Laugh until you gasp for breath.
6. The tears happen. Endure, grieve, and move on. The only person, who is with us our entire life, is ourselves. Be ALIVE while you are alive.
7. Surround yourself with what you love, whether it's family, pets, keepsakes, music, plants, hobbies, whatever. Your home is your refuge.
8. Cherish your health: If it is good, preserve it. If it is unstable, improve it. If it is beyond what you can improve, get help.
9. Don't take guilt trips. Take a trip to the mall, even to the next county; to a foreign country but NOT to where the guilt is.
10. Tell the people you love that you love them, at every opportunity.
AND ALWAYS REMEMBER:
Life is not measured by the number of breaths we take, but by the moments that take our breath away.
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>>>>>>> AMAZING HOME REMEDIES <<<<<<<<<
AMAZINGLY SIMPLE HOME REMEDIES
1. If you're choking on an ice cube simply pour a cup of boiling water down your throat. Presto! The blockage will instantly remove itself.
2. Avoid cutting yourself when slicing vegetables by getting someone else to hold while you chop.
3. Avoid arguments with the Mrs. about lifting the toilet seat by using the sink.
4. For high blood pressure sufferers: simply cut yourself and bleed for a few minutes, thus reducing the pressure i n your veins. Remember to use a timer.
5. A mouse trap, placed on top of your alarm clock, will prevent you from rolling over and going back to sleep after you hit the snooze button.
6. If you have a bad cough, take a large dose of laxatives, then you'll be afraid to cough.
7. You only need two tools in life - WD-40 and Duct Tape. If it doesn't move and should, use the WD-40. If it shouldn't move and does, use the duct tape.
8. Remember: Everyone seems normal until you get to know them.
9. If you can't fix it with a hammer, you've got an electrical problem.
Daily Thought: SOME PEOPLE ARE LIKE SLINKIES. NOT REALLY GOOD FOR ANYTHING BUT THEY BRING A SMILE TO YOUR FACE WHEN PUSHED DOWN THE STAIRS
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(Is It Hump Day Yet????)
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