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KNOW YOUR STATE MOTTO !!!

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> Alabama
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> Hell Yes, We Have Electricity.
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>
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> Alaska
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> 11,623 Eskimos Can't Be Wrong!
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>
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> Arizona
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> Yes, But It's A Dry Heat.
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>
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> Arkansas
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> Lituracy Ain't Everythang.
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>
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> California
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> By 30, Our Women Have More
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> Plastic Than Your Honda.
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>
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> Colorado
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> If You Don't Ski, Don't Bother.
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>
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> Connecticut
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> Like Massachusetts , only smaller
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>
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> Delaware
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> We Really Do Like The Chemicals In Our Water.
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>
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> Florida
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> Ask Us About Our Grandkids
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> And Our Voting Skills.
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>
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> Georgia
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> We Put The Fun In Fundamentalist Extremism.
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>
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> Hawaii
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> Haka Tiki Mou Sha'ami Leeki Toru
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> (Death To Mainland Scum, Leave Your Money)
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>
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> Idaho
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> More Than Just Potatoes...
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> Well, Okay, We're Not, But The Potatoes Sure Are Real Good
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>
>
> Illinois
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> Please, Don't Pronounce the "S"
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>
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> Indiana
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> 2 Billion Years Tidal Wave Free
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>
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> Iowa
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> We Do Amazing Things With Corn
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>
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> Kansas
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> First Of The Rectangle States
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>
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> Kentucky
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> Five Million People;
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> Fifteen Last Names
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>
>
> Louisiana
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> We're Not ALL Drunk Cajun Wackos, But That's Our Tourism Campaign.
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>
>
> Maine
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> We're Really Cold, But We Have Cheap Lobster
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>
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> Maryland
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> If You Can Dream It, We Can Tax It
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>
>
> Massachusetts
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> Our Taxes Are Lower Than Sweden 's And Our Senators Are More Corrupt!
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>
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> Michigan
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> First Line Of Defense From The Canadians
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>
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> Minnesota
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> 10,000 Lakes... And 10 Zillion Mosquitoes
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>
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> Mississippi
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> Come visit And Feel Better About Your Own State
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>
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> Missouri
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> Your Federal Flood Relief Tax Dollars At Work
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>
>
> Montana
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> Land Of The Big Sky, The Unabomber, Right-wing
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> Crazies, and Honest Elections!
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>
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> Nebraska
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> Ask About Our State Motto Contest
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>
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> Nevada
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> Hookers and Poker!
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>
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> New Hampshire
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> Go Away And Leave Us Alone
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>
>
> New Jersey
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> You Want A ##$%##! Motto?
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> I Got Yer ##$%##! Motto Right here!
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>
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> New Mexico
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> Lizards Make Excellent Pets
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>
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> New York
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> You Have The Right To Remain Silent,
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> You Have The Right To An Attorney...
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> And No Right To Self Defense!
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>
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> North Carolina
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> Tobacco Is A Vegetable
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>
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> North Dakota
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> We Really Are One Of The 50 States!
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>
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> Ohio
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> At Least We're Not Michigan
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>
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> Oklahoma
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> Like The Play, But No Singing
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>
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> Oregon
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> Spotted Owl.. It's What's For Dinner
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>
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> Pennsylvania
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> Cook With Coal
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>
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> Rhode Island
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> We're Not REALLY An Island
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>
>
> South Carolina
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> Remember The Civil War?
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> Well, We Didn't Actually Surrender Yet
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>
>
> South Dakota
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> Closer Than North Dakota
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>
>
> Tennessee
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> Home of the Al Gore Invention Museum
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>
>
> Texas
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> Se Hable Ingles
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>
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> Utah
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> Our Jesus Is Better Than Your Jesus
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>
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> Vermont
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> Too liberal for the Kennedys
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>
>
> Virginia
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> Who Says Government Stiffs And
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> Slackjaw Yokels Don't Mix?
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>
>
> Washington
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> Our Governor can out-fraud your Governor!
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>
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> West Virginia
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> One Big Happy Family...Really!
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>
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> Wisconsin
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> Come Cut the Cheese!
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>
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> Wyoming
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> Where Men Are Men... And The Sheep Are Scared
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> Home of Brokeback Mtn.
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>
>
> The District of Columbia
>
> The Work-Free Drug Place !
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>
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QUESTIONS THAT HAUNT ME!
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> If you have sex with a prostitute against her will, is it considered rape or shoplifting?
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> Can you cry under water?
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> How important does a person have to be before they are considered assassinated instead of just murdered?
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> Why do you have to 'put your two cents in'... But it's only a 'penny for your thoughts'? Where's that extra penny going to?
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> Once you're in heaven, do you get stuck wearing the clothes you were buried in for eternity?
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> Why does a round pizza come in a square box?
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> What disease did cured ham actually have?
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> How is it that we put man on the moon before we figured out it would be a good idea to put wheels on luggage?
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> Why is it that people say they 'slept like a baby' when babies wake up like every two hours?
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> If a deaf person has to go to court, is it still called a hearing?
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> Why are you IN a movie, but you're ON TV?
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> Why do people pay to go up tall buildings and then put money in binoculars to look at things on the ground?
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> Why do doctors leave the room while you change?
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> They're going to see you naked anyway.
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> Why is 'bra' singular and 'panties' plural?
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> Why do toasters always have a setting that burns the toast to a horrible crisp, which no decent human being would eat?
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> If Jimmy cracks corn and no one cares, why is there a stupid song about him?
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> Can a hearse carrying a corpse drive in the carpool lane?
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> If the professor on Gilligan's Island can make a radio out of a coconut, why can't he fix a hole in a boat?
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> Why does Goofy stand erect while Pluto remains on all fours?
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> They're both dogs!
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> If Wile E. Coyote had enough money to buy all that ACME crap, why didn't he just buy dinner?
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> If corn oil is made from corn, and vegetable oil is made from vegetables, what is baby oil made from?
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> If electricity comes from electrons, does morality come from morons?
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> Do the Alphabet song and Twinkle, Twinkle Little Star have the same tune?
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> Why did you just try singing the two songs above?
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> Why do they call it an asteroid when it's outside the hemisphere, but call it a hemorrhoid when it's in your butt?
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> Did you ever notice that when you blow in a dog's face, he gets mad at you, but when you take him for a car ride, he sticks his head out the window?
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HUMOR FOR LEXOPHILES (LOVERS OF WORDS)

I wondered why the baseball was getting bigger. Then it hit me.

Police were called to a day care center where a three-year-old was resisting a rest.

Did you hear about the guy whose whole left side was cut off? He's all right now.

The roundest knight at King Arthur's round table was Sir Cumference.

The butcher backed up into the meat grinder and got a little behind in his work.

To write with a broken pencil is pointless.

When fish are in schools they sometimes take debate.

The short fortune teller who escaped from prison was a small medium at large.

A thief who stole a calendar got twelve months.

A thief fell and broke his leg in wet cement. He became a hardened criminal.

Thieves who steal corn from a garden could be charged with stalking.

We'll never run out of math teachers because they always multiply.

When the smog lifts in Los Angeles , U.C.L.A.

The math professor went crazy with the blackboard. He did a number on it.

The professor discovered that her theory of earthquakes was on shaky ground.

The dead batteries were given out free of charge.

If you take a laptop computer for a run you could jog your memory.

A dentist and a manicurist fought tooth and nail.

A bicycle can't stand alone; it is two tired.

A will is a dead giveaway.

Time flies like an arrow; fruit flies like a banana.

A backward poet writes inverse.

In a democracy it's your vote that counts; in feudalism, it's your
Count that votes.

A chicken crossing the road: poultry in motion.

If you don't pay your exorcist you can get repossessed.

With her marriage she got a new name and a dress.

Show me a piano falling down a mine shaft and I'll show you A-flat miner.

When a clock is hungry it goes back four seconds.

The guy who fell onto an upholstery machine was fully recovered.

A grenade fell onto a kitchen floor in France. It resulted in Linoleum Blownapart.

You are stuck with your debt if you can't budge it.

Local Area Network in Australia : The LAN down under.

He broke into song because he couldn't find the key.

A calendar's days are numbered.

A lot of money is tainted: 'Taint yours, and 'taint mine.

A boiled egg is hard to beat.

He had a photographic memory which was never developed.

A plateau is a high form of flattery.

Those who get too big for their britches will be exposed in the end.

When you've seen one shopping center you've seen a mall.

If you jump off a Paris bridge, you are in Seine.

When she saw her first strands of gray hair, she thought she'd dye.

Bakers trade bread recipes on a knead to know basis.

Santa's helpers are subordinate clauses.

Acupuncture: a jab well done.