Lissa's blog: "untitled 2"

HIDDEN HEART From the first day we held hands, to the last day we said goodbye, i'll never forget those momets, i'll never forget those times. No matter how bad you hurt me, I stood by you, no matter how much you lied, I said they were the truth. I wish I never knew you, I wish all what happened wasn't true. But it is and i did. Sometimes I think what life would be like, if I had my whole heart, if i never told you how much i cared. it's hard to imagane, how simple my life was before, knowing you.

INNER DEFIANCE These mental games you like to play will be your downfall your heart is sealed with a sheet of ice one day you'll awaken to find self hate for all the things you've initiated your world will crumble and so will you all your lies and empty promises will be all you have to hold to I wash my hands clean of you I wash you away I hope what you had stays tattooed in your heart forever and I hope you never forget forever will you lose this game you play

So Excuse Me For Being Me Pardon me For not wanting to be your side dish Pardon my resistance In granting your selfish wish Understand the only position I'm accepting is number one You still don't understand that After all is said and done Is it so hard And please for once be honest with me Is faithfulness a quality You will never be able to be So just help me to understand Just who it is you are And please do not treat me Like some ill- fated falling star If you know you won't be there Then don't say it at all Because you know you won't be there To catch me when I fall So don't feed me your bull shit About the road ahead Because I would have left you At the starting gate instead But now I am running wild And I am losing ground For I was foolish in thinking That you would stick around You remind me that I am losing With a tone of aggravation But all that I am leaving behind Is constant frustration You say that we have shared So many things that made us tight Honey all that springs to mind Is a pack of Marlboro Lights Anytime that you were not busy Being hung over You spent the rest of your time Screwing me over So I hope you are happy With the clueless girl who is next And I hope you learn there's more to life Than drinking, drugs, and sex You treat me like a child When it's you who's playing games You will probably be flipping burgers While I am relishing in fame Sometimes you will get mad At the way I will be All that I can say to that: So excuse me for being me

Sleepless Night A sleepless night Spent struggling Through the meanders of my mind In endless explorations. Innumerable considerations Scattered around As stars in the sky None with enough light Of its own But adaptable In their interconnection To show me the way. The harmony of the universe Confined for a moment in the boundaries of my head explodes in its beauty. The thirst for knowledge Has kneeled At my need of sensations. Bittersweet memories Erase all the powerful thoughts Leaving a proven soul Sighing in an exhausted body. The dread of the night Has subsided And a sudden warmth Has overtaken me. While the first sunbeam Sneaks through the window I remember how to sleep.

Risk There are no guarantees Life throws things at you You can catch or miss them But they will come, ready or not I always looked for the real thing Never trusting in the possibility Risk-taking not my forte Staying safe at all costs Even playing it safe is not certain Safe has hurt me Zero risk gets zero gain Sometimes playing it safe costs you more It has me, In not fighting the battle you may lose the war In not believing in a dream You may never sleep peacefully again So let go of the fear Reach out for the flame So what if you get burned Better that then numb for life Better to remember passion and joy Along with the pain and tears Then to have no memories worth Remembering So to hell with safe I am going to gamble and bet Until I win back everything I lost And my life is what it was meant to be

Crimson Clovers The crimson clover does not allow me to haggle; Its four leaves spread into seven hidden vices. A softly played tune goes into my head like rain, The faint twistings interweaving within my soul. The whitest rose expects dutiful servitude, Asking not for body or mind but for spirit. The deep song is pleasant but plain as can be known, Heard since the dawn of mankind without attitude. I have been called by the clover into icy embrace, Fooled by the perfect division and the sweetest essence. My heart turns its back to the cause in silent denial, I am selfish in desire of its beautiful grace. An understood rhythm with remembrance of time, The calm petals of the rose plying me with guilt. I simply hang my head in shame as I touch them, For I forsake the one who would give me my rhyme. In the midst of the confusing patch I fondly dive, I can sense and breathe the heartbeat of my small angel. The sad face of the violet in its comeliness, Its for all this and more that all else stops as we strive. I bear my indecision and we all bear that cross, Some picking and choosing the flowers that bloom brightly. For me - no, I prefer the art of the unexpected, Searching for my answer not in the glade but the moss. Indeed it is longer with the sides pulling me apart, The true blue reasons seeming all but lost right from the start. I will remember my short time there when its all over, For I chose the violet and rose - not the crimson clover.

The Road Less Traveled How often we must bear the challenges of life; The endless roller coaster between happiness and sorrow; The constant ups and downs of daily strife. And always the question remains .... why? Life is not an easy road for most; It twists and turns with many forks in the road, Although always, and inevitably, we are given a choice ... Do we turn to the right ... or the left? Do we take the high road ... or the low road? Do we take the easy path ... or the difficult one? Decisions are not easy for those struggling for direction ... And sometimes the many choices and signs become overwhelming. While standing at a crossroads in life, The urge is to take the most comfortable path; The road with least resistance ... The shortest or most traveled route. And yet, if we've been down that comfortable road before; Have gleaned its lessons in life, and learned from our experiences; Do we yet again follow the known? Or does our destiny lie in another direction? The fear of the road less traveled is tangible and all too real; It manifests itself in many ways, And tends to cloud the issues that might otherwise be clear. It is in these times of confusion, That we must seek peace and solitude; Time to contemplate on our life, Our experiences and our choices past; Time to look back, and reflect on what we have learned Without fear or confusion. For only each of us knows our own personal thoughts; Our unique past and personal history; The experiences that brought us to the crossroads we now face. We can always learn a small degree from others experiences, And yet ... no one person can walk in our shoes, Others know not, the trials and tribulations faced in private ... For each is individual ... unique ... and personal. And that is why ... while standing at a crossroads, Only "we" can formulate the decision for ourselves; The true direction that lies within; The choices we must deliberate on with clarity and wisdom. For it is only through personal reflection, That we can now choose our destiny; ... Our next adventure; ... And the future we will embrace.

Life is a prison, Oh God let me out. No one to listen, To hear when you shout. Climb the walls of insanity, Ride the waves of despair. If you fall it don't matter, There's no one to care. Used to wish for a window, To see birds, trees and sky, But you're better without one - Stops you aiming too high. Watching freedom is painful, For those locked away. Seeing joy, love and happiness, Another price that you pay. Strong is good, weak is bad. Be it false, be it true. Your mind makes the choice, And enforces it too. Cell walls built by society, With rules to adhere. If you breach the acceptable, You had better beware. Hide the pain, carry on, Routine is the key. Don't let on that you're not, What you're pretending to be. Lock it all up inside you, How badly that bodes. Look out for that one day, When it all just explodes. Leaving naught but a shell, Base functionality too. But killing all else, That was uniquely you. So how do you grow, With a timebomb inside? Or how to defuse it, Without destroying its ride? You can't.