3554230's blog: "To much on my mind"

Hi all,

  Yes it is that time again and probably a repeat once again.

Did you guys see I have like been neon green for 3 days.I ranked a 5 then 4 and now 8 as the most liked on fubar.I was so cheesing knowing that.Thank you.

Anyway some drama hit my door and didn't and they didn't have the courtesy to even knock,now that is just rude.

If you guys saw it with the status messages then you know something was going on.I was called a (cunt) and so on.Sorry for the language but it is what it is.It showed who had class.Right? I on the other hand have never been talked about in this way or ever called that,so in a way it hurt my feelings,in the long run it had nothing to do with me.It was over her wanting someone to buy her a bomb and this person would not do it,simply because she had played him with some other guys on here and he found out,she tried to squirm her way back in and when she saw it wasn't going to work she started in on me knowing he cared for me now and not her.Now how stupid was that.Right?

Look guys and listen very carefully.Keep your drama away from me.I am a christian woman and I dont hide that fact as I also don't hide the fact that I feel this is the Devils playground,I mean it has to be with all that goes on.I chose to stay on here yes,but staying here doesn't mean I have to interact with those that choose to be self absorbing and not caring who they hurt or how they treat you.

I have made some amazing friends on here,but I have maintained one thing and have always said.I CANNOT GET INTO ANY KIND OF RELATIONSHIP WITH ANYONE WHILE I AM GOING THROUGH  SOME THINGS IN MY LIFE THAT ARE VERY IMPORTANT.

I honestly can not handle the stress of it.I have told one person I care for him,but even then he was told the same thing,that I can't be in one until I got through this.

I am not here because this is all I have,I am here because it is passing my time while I go through this time in my life.Please don't take that away from me.If you get mad over this or that you are ruining not only for me but for you as well.

I WILL BACK OFF !!!! Please don't get serious with me,have fun.I need fun.I need to be able to talk to my friends without a relationship tacked onto it.

With all that is going on including what happened today.I am backing off.When the air clears and my life is back on track the way it was,please don't expect anything out of me.It just cannot happen.I have had my phone off now for over a day,I mean totally turned off due to so many thinking I am wth them.I broke my rule of giving my number out and now I fear to give it to anyone on here,that isnt fair when I said it all upfront.It is like I am not listened too.I may want to be in that relationship,but do you hear me when I say I CAN'T,I have wrote about this before and I know you have too.

I am begging you to please stop the drama because I actually tear up and sometimes cry when I have to get rid of a friend.My stress is suppose to be kept on the low key.

I am sorry but I have backed off until I am better.It is a must.I love ya'll,but no more.I must focus on this and I must focus on positive things and the only person that can do that is me.

I hope this doesnt make anyone mad at me,you guys know how I get,or those that know me.but if it must happen then it must.I cant stop it.

Other than this I have my lilman with me and he is sleeping.I think I will snuggle with him and just take him in.I love the smell of clean babies,it is so soothing and relaxing and when they hold your one little finger tight as they sleep makes it all worth anything you may go through.He is my reason to fight right now.He is my heart,all of it.