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What a way to start the morning....3am, I hear the front door open and shut so I go check it out...it be the ex. And right there, we start arguing for a while. Then we had a talk....Told him my feelings and all and some of the things that I was going to do to myself. He says I'm selfish, maybe I am for keep having thoughts of taking my life. Several times I've thought of it, couple times I've stopped myself. I guess I just want to give up a lot of times but only a couple things that keeps me going. I told him that I would be moving out in a couple short weeks, he asked me where I was going, I didn't tell him. I'm sure he'll find out later.
I'm tired...my head hurts. I didn't even get time to shower so I'm sure I'm going to look like shit at work...great for Halloween I guess. My eyes are blood shot. I don't want to go to work but I need the money and I don't want to be around him. He's told me I've hurt him a lot and I told him he's done the same to me.
So much things that I want in my life right now, but it's so far of a reach. I know I just have to keep being strong, but I can't find the strength. Still 33 lbs gone...was hoping that I would of lost at least another pound from not really eating...I can't help it...I don't want to eat...I'll make myself starve...stupid I know but I don't really care much. I'm good at just having coffee. I'll eat more at lunch today, since they're doing some type of chinese lunch..great...I'll see those yummy greasy foods and eat...it's ok..I hadn't had an actual full meal in a couple days.
I have to be at work in a little while...sucks...I rather just lay in bed. I'm so tired.
