layitlo's blog: "Tired of being home alone"

I think I know why my marriage is failing. We got married when she was young and we should have waited. Also because I'm a loser. I have never benn able to enjoy anything good for a long time. I thought things were fine but then I had a fight with cancer and I won. But I have been at home cause of being on ssi and watching the kids and taking care of the house. I can't stop crying cause of how I feel about her. I have never loved someone as much as I do her. I've had 3 kids with an x and 2 with my wife and I love them all. I want us to be together cause I love her and cause the kids deserve to have their parents together. I know we can take care of them apart but it will never be a family unless we are all together. I'm scared of loosing my family. I don't want to loose that or my wife that I love more then life itself. I would die for her if it meant she could live. I don't want her to meet someone else I couldn't handle that if she did.I would would hurt forever unless we are together. I don't want to be with anyone else but her. You know there is one reason that people like me look for love. IT's cause love is the closes thing to magic that we can have. Some people want it more then others and the ones that get it are the ones that get married. You know when you find the one you want cause you're always nervous around that person, or you get butterfly's in your stomach and you always want everything to be right all the time. I'm so depressed and just don't know what to do since I don't really have friends to talk ot. This is more of a rant then a blog. I'm sorry guys I didn't know where to put it.

Well this is the deal, I'm married and with kids, I don't know if she is cheating on me or not but that's not what this is about. I'm just tired of giving up my time so she can go out with her friends to a club or a bar while I have to stay home with the kids. I don't have friends that I can hang out with. She's going out every weekend and I'm tired of it. She'll go out with her friends but she won't go out with me. She'll go to dinner and what everelse with me but that's all. I never took her to the club scene cause she would not go when she was old enough to get in. But now she won't go with me and let me show her a good time. She'd rather go with he friends and have fun with them. Hell she even said I was no fun but she's never given me a chance to go and show her a good time. I'm just tired of being home alone. It sucks ass. Sorry I just had to rant about it.