bigdeepmind's blog: "thy great and powerful blog"

I mean ok... we have this hear blogging feature, but does anybody read them? 

I kinda write a lot.. I don't know how to write the right way, you might say, but I do it enough that I'm pretty good at communicating in text form.. with like paragraphs and stuff... 

But I kinda get the feeling that nobody will actually read these... and I'm not sure.. if I put a lot of work into writing stuff... that very many people will actually read them.. and or that there's anyway I can get people to read them.

Err, I get it, if you're not much into reading... but I feel like.. in someway this is a platform where you might like to express your self.. like.. socially, or whatever.. like what can you do on here? Could you do something interesting? I feel like you can probably get some ideas about what sort of a person I am.. by reading my words... in a way that you can't from.. just pictures I put in the gallery.. or whatever.... so that's why I feel some value in the idea of expressing myself with words.

Yeah, so you know.. should have made it to reading this... why not check out the other ones... there's some reasonably good writting in there I think.. I say some interesting things... that is my usual thing... this one isn't so great, but that's just cause I'm a little tired really...

So I totally was writting this crazy post.. ventureing a bit into the naughty.. and it was lost.

I also just spent a whole tun of time uploading the "deep quote meme" type pics.. that I happened to have lying around on my hard drive.. and found myself giggling a whole lot and... realizing that.. they, in there own way, do help round out a self portrait of yours truly.. 

So like.. if you were the type to stalk before you talk.. at this point you'll have a reasonable sense of what sorta thing might stand on the other side of the screen of this profile. 

I confess I don't entirely know what I'm doing on this site or what sorta possibilities I might find here.. I've been here in the past and maybe used it one way... but now in life.. I'm a little different.. looking for different things I suppose.. It's like I'm trying to learn to be something new.. and so now this is about that something new.. kinda.

Yeah...  so, err, more about me and who I am / how I am.

SO... I'm kinda brainy.. like rediculously so.. I don't think I ever showed it too much on here.. well maybe i we started talking it would show it's self.. but generally not in it's more extreme forms.. at the very least? 

I'm.. fairly good person-e? I sorta don't like saying that outloud.. like I would prefer my moral character be.. not hidden away but not advertised.. in part because I'm a flawed human being and I don't want to have any ego or hubris connected to it.. I'm commited to some bit of humility in this area...  and really values for me are more about commitments and aims then where I am.. like the idea is to aim at them as much as possible... 

I am a sexual creature.. I mean.. welcome to fubar, right? This part of me does get the better of me from time to time.. it's a bit wild and crazy, and I suppose one of my prefrences.. in women.. are women who can get the better of me in this respect.. perhaps a little better then from time to time.

I tend to be very into.. a number of different subjects.. I study deeply whatever I'm interested in.. and if you're interested in deep conversation.. if you engage me on these topics.. well.. if you're up for it.. I'll talk to you forever about this stuff... and.. 

Well a part of me is like an academic.. where I spend my life studying, learning, and thinking... and kinda like trying to see stuff that maybe nobody else in the world sees. This is a big part of who I am.. and so.. I can be an interesting character.

One of the things I'm deeply into right now is sorta "spirituality." 

let me speak of this...

I would say there is something like "a spiritual dimension to life" and "a spirtual dimension to reality." The latter statement is a little bit complicated to try and get at.. in that we modern people have a certain scientific way of understanding things.. science is a kind of discpline of the mind that lets us see all kinds of things... it's good stuff.. but there's certian things that, historically, it's not been good at seeing... as science progresses it gets to be better at seeing more and more stuff.

The trouble is that the picture of reality that science renders is in part an expression of how good or bad it is at seeing / quantifying / making sense of any particular thing.. so a simple thing like love.. historically.. it has had some trouble making sense of.. and perhaps, today, only sees in some ways.. 

In any event we need a certain humility in the face of the image it creates.. and not imagine the image is reality.. it is but a part of reality... and it's sorta.. our relationship to this image that has obscured "spiritual reality" form our view. Now.. I am very much of the view that modern advancements in the sciences is changing this stuff.. but I don't think anyone, outside of these scientific worlds, really knows anything about it.

So.. if I'm to explain this a little bit.. one of the areas cognitive science has been interested in is the study of wisdom. The way I explain wisdom is "it's not how big your brain is, it's how you use it." Wisdom has to do with how you use it.. I mean it's broader then that.. but from a cognitive science stand point.. and cognition.. it's on the money.

Cognitive science.. it sorta starts with buddhism.. but it gets into studying how different religions or "wisdom traditions" shape cognition.. relative to "the cultivation of virtues"... 

I get all the problems we modern folk have with religions.. with the religions we've inherited.. and or what religious folk.. the loudest voices.. seem to be saying.. but in this study we are trying to get at something else.. something that might have some value to us.

I'm not a proper cognitive scientist, I don't think.. but I find myself studying certain aspects of these here wisdom traditions... and right now I'm learning about "spiritual reality" as understood in the Eastern Orthidox Christian tradition..  which is like.. Catholics who weren't down with having a Pope.. lets say.. I mean historically.. and there's a sorta split with regard to "church fathers" and the influence of major thinkers on the tradition.. and also different regiions of the world.. and blah blah blah...

It's kind of a challenging thing for me because I'm not a eastern orthidox christian.. I'm not sure that I'm even a christian per say.. but I have encountered the reality of "spiritual reality" and they do have useful things to say about that reality... though there's a certain amount of that stuff.. that I feel is in some sense not correct?

So we might say.. if science is a discipline for rendering an image of reality... that there's a way that symbolic language.. and whatever.. can render a different sorta image of reality. An image of "a spiritual world" as I'm saying. The image it's self is no less real.. or it's sorta like saying "are words real?" The words points to things.. I mean at best.. and what it's like is that there is a dimenson of human experience that.. sorta without these kinds of tools.. we can't even really see.

What I'm trying to do is cobble together a way of seeing the world.. of functioning in the world.. using these tools.. because.. there's all sorts of amazing thigns you can do with them... but it's also a huge kinda challenge.

But you do actually get visions and signs and what not.. and then you have to work out how to understand the visions and signs.. 

An example you of an experience you might have would be an experience of "precognition." That is to say.. you know somethings going to happen before it happens.. like psychic types of stuff.

Ok.. so how do we modern scientifice orientated people understand such a thing? Such an experience? Like I want to understand this stuff rationally.. and.. at least in my understanding of things.. it's not emediately obvious how such a thing as precognition could happen in the world I understand from science.

On some level, it doesn't matter if it's "real" from a conventional scientific stand point.. it matters if it's real from the stand point of the spiritual world image. The way I would describe it is that you can't have an experience of a fact outside the context of... well.. "experience." We experience things from the stand point of our minds.. where psychology plays a roll.. and meaning... 

The way I would scribe it is if, mentally / psychologically you don't deal with an issue.. it will eventually manifest it's self in the material world and you will be forced to deal with it in the form of fate. In this sense your psychology.. something in there.. is regulating the unfolding of your fait. 

So it is... that beneath our material world understanding of stuff.. there's something like a psychological world.. a meaning world as I sometimes call it.. a spiritual world. There is, in effect, cause and effect for both worlds.. and they are very much intertwined in our experience of life.

It is VERY possible, in terms of this psychological / meaning / spiritual world.. to know what's going to happen before it happens. That this world, in some sense, regulated the material world.. in the sense that human actions, lets say, come out of.. in some sense.. our inward world.. that the a whole lot of the stuff of the physical world is regulated by this other world... we can see that obviously enough.

So I think.. all I that I have said thus far on this subject.. you can kinda see how it's all true.. I don't think I've said anything too crazy.. 

So.. if we could say that our faits are regulated by something inside us.. how we might live in relationship to that something.. that it might influence our faits.. seems like it might be one of the biggest most important questions we could ask our selves, no?

Yeah.. and it seems like nobody's talking about this sorta problem.

So, for the sake of argument.. lets bring it back down to "err, what am I doing on this site?"

Well I would say safe to say that I am looking for human connection.. that there are all these parts of my being.. and that I want to get them all, as much as possible, somehow connected to human beings.. and the world around me.

When it comes the subject of women... there's a broad spectrum of stuff from friendship to the erotic.. romance.. all kinds of things.. 

Err what other intersts do I have that I could speak about?

Well i don't know.. I play guitar, I do electornic music.. I'm into philoosophy, the cognitive sciences.. politics.. arts.. erotics.. all things in trying to understand humans.. film making stuff.. photogrpahy.. painting.. drawing.. computer graphics... interactive design.. business, marketing.. communications....  and endless list.

So you're proably the one person reading this...  I'm... I don't know, I used to hange out here for ever.. then there was a fight with an x.. that was a very kinda... toxic x.. where you delted all kind of accounts of mine.. hacked stuff, stole money.. all kinds of madness.. which is sad cause it meant, among other things.. that I've lost touch with folks.. and I suppose one thing I'm hoping is to reconnect.

I suppose another part of it is... what am I doing here in the first place.

Err... I've been here forever... since before it was called fubar.. though there where years when I didn't come on... 

I guess I loved that women where perhaps a little more naughty then the general population.. I did get to explore my own sexuality in a few sorta online relationships here and there.. and I made some good friends.

The big trouble I'm feeling now.. is that there's a certain amount of work required... to get to make a friend on here.. a certain amount of putting myself out there and... Im sorta... not feeling the ambition...  err, lets talk about this.

As a rule of thumb I don't ACTUALLY know how to approach women... in the past.. it was maybe a law of averages.. you keep at it long enough and eventually you score a conversation.. but it kinda sucks up till you get there... like sorta constant low-key rejection... it does something to your sene of well being.. which isn't awesome.

And it's also like.. I'm feeling like.. 

Ok, err how would I approach a women....  like normally I'm a very civilized politie sorta fellow in how I might go about it.. these days I tend to distinguish myself basd on things like authenticty.. and I sit here going "err, how the hell do you say anything that reads as authentic on here? 

So much raging libido on here.. not that that's a bad thing or anything.. and not that I, myself, don't have such a labido.. I mean what do you suppose brought me back here in the first place? But I also like stuff like intimacy.. with my kink and my whatever... 

I don't know.. and I've never been into the game aspect of this site.. I don't think they design it well.. I should know, I'm something of a designer...

So what could I tell you about myself? Ehh, I suppose I'm looking for trouble, adventure.. all be it of the real vareity.. really, right now, I just want a fucking conversation!!! 

I suppose I could make a crazed kink post... but that's not my mood exactly.. I'm actually a little tired... screw it.. I'll post this