AkillaTool WISEUKF's blog: "thoughts for 2007"

okay friends........ i've got some real shit going on in my head at the moment part of it is work related part of it is personal relationship related part of it is friend related some of you know this already but to be fair most of you dont..... i made a real fuck up of my personal life about 2 years ago i hurt the most precious person i have ever met, more than can be forgiven she is the mother of my daughter a truely beautiful person in every sense of the word i have spent the last 16 months trying to rebuild bridges its at times like these you need your friends and family well, my family are divided (big help huh.....) my brother is fucking awesome my brother in law is even more awesome neither of them have judged me........ both of them have been there for me when ive needed it and yet my mum seems to not have any sort of grip of what im going through or doesn't appear to want to know she has seen her grandaughter 5 times on 2 1/2 years i blame myself for this........... and now for my friends..... my two best friends are poles apart one is expecting is third child now he has his hands full already as his daughter has downs syndrome the other, has been clinically diagnosed as manic depressive he has gone through a trauma but wont or cant tell me what it is....... and now for my friends here..... well, there is only really one who knows most if not all of this and that friend has their own life to live they have three beautiful children have been through an abusive relationship and come out stronger for it but this friend has met somebody else..... which is wonderful what i dont understand though, is why they felt the need to tell me that they wouldnt be able to talk to me for the next 10 days or so as their new partner was down ive never stopped phoning a friend or texting because i met somebody new??? or maybe i'm just over re-acting...........

well that's it - another year gone i must be getting old i used to just go 'yep, bye old year - bring on the new !' and wake up in some state or other now i find myself reflecting on this past year and its a strange feeling i'm not used to it 2006 was certainly jam packed some things were not so good i caused some people some pain i took some hits myself (hey - we've all been there i'm sure) some things were real good simplest but possibly biggest highlight seeing TOOL play live for the first time ever i hadn't been to a gig in years a couple of mates dragged me out and i was absolutely blown away !! the best gig i have been to in years and definitely ranks in my top 5 ever (which takes some doing) how something so simple can have such a positive impact is scary the gig totally re-affirmed my love with live concerts and i am definitely getting off my butt to get out there more what else have i learnt ??? my capacity for recovery no longer matches my ability to drink !!! which sucks cos i love a beer or 5 !!! there are still plenty of good people out there they may be in another continent they may be around the corner but there is no point closing your eyes and your minds to the possibility and for those that fuck you over............... FUCK EM ALL.......... phew, i feel better now