sayMYname2xxGLMZownerxx's blog: "The world is full of the walking wounded!"

I am so tired of men now days, if you can call them that! im tired of having to guard my heart from being completely stomped on and shattered. I am so guarded now that I could be standing in the presence of Jesus himself and still not realize how good he was. The few who have been lucky enough to get thru the walls I have built have continued to just devistate me more. What is the matter with people that they can get so close and feel something and then just turn it off and shut you out? Ignore you... stop talking to you and act like you are of no importance without even so much as an explaination??? Seriously are people so disposible to you? Are feelings and the damage you are doing so unimportant to you? Are you so self absorbed that women are just items for your physical pleasure and not human beings, not flesh and blood, not emotions... I wish I oculd care so little about others that I could just toss them aside on a whim.... Wait No, no I don't because that would make me no better then the very people who have done so much damage to me and so many other women I know.... I pray that for once the situation will be different yet the hope for something more seems futile... I just want to scream!!! The very people I can not seem to stop thinking about are the ones who I wish that I had never know... The lessons I learned have done nothing except cause me to doubt and fear the one thing that was always so important to me. I wish I could unjade myself, I wish that I could go back to thinking that people are fundamentally good instead of having the cold reality of the fact that there are more selfish and self centered individuals in this world then ones who truly care about others. How sad that is....

As I sat here almost feeling sorry for myself for the last few years of my life I realized that we all have things. Some open wounds that feel like they will never heal. Some scared areas that feel like they are so calloused that they will never feel the same. All of the things both bad and good that shape who we are. Who we chose to be and what we chose not to be. I have spent years trying to deal through them to try and make myself into the women I am happy with only to let this world make me ashamed of it.

Has our morale compass led us so far from right that we can not even tell anymore? That we only value what a person can do for us? Only value physical pleasure and are caught up in the NOW. Does no one see what is under the skin. Does no one care to help heal some of those open wounds. Some of those scars that in ways keep us from letting someone truly in? 

Caverns and empty places in our lives we wish were filled. There is so much more then the physical scars. Yet it seems that people don't care enough to try and uncover them. People are hurting and it seems as if no one cares. We walk past each other every day and may say some superficial hello or ask "how are you" but if the responce was more then just "ok" would we take the time to stop and find out why? How many times have you said you were "ok" when you weren't?

One of my challenges for the new year is to find the people who mean something and forget the ones that don't. To burn the bridges of the people who are only using me. To find friends who love me the way that I deserve and that allow me to love them in the same way. To be more open and to break down the walls that I have surrounded myself in for fear of being hurt. 

We are all walking wounded, no one is perfect. No one has life all together. No one should expect more from people then they are willing to give. No one should use someone only for what they want or need. Those who matter will read this and those who don't well the choice is yours.