This 'enlightening' piece was written seven years ago and lost in the ether. It might as well have remained hidden, like the modern English sun too!. However it proves that I have long had suspicions about age-related sunbeams.
Many millenniums ago Man as he was then had not long evolved from the great soup swamps. The days were damp and foggy filled with enormous bangs and crashes. The nights became darker almost like they do today. When they saw the dark appear they put on their blankets and it became blanket fog time - the time when all good men lay down their very simple and weary heads.
The cows stood or sat in a silent balance on the green and dry bits - making sure their weight was evenly distributed throughout the field. They had heard such sinking tales of cows that had disappeared from the land when they had been herded by the tribe to one corner. The fact that it was a swampy area probably had nothing to do with it! Because they were simple creatures, simply living lives as nature intended they never questioned it. All they did during the day was pull at the tufts on the surrounding ground and ruminate on life in general. At blanket time all ruminating and tugging ceased and the air was filled with a great stillness. Not a herd was sounded.
One blanket fog evening a very strange thing came into the sky from the edge of beyond and shone down on the ever wakeful cows. They were dumbstruck, gazing in awe at the very strange bright blob newly placed in the sky. One cow was so overcome that it emitted an enormous throaty sound “moo”. This was a signal to the others and as they all looked up the long mooing began.
The sound-asleep tribe, wakened by the strange noise, looked around and noticed the very bright blob. They too just stared in awe. The young ones peered from under their blankets and looked through the damp webs that had been woven by the eight-legged creepy crawlies. Because they were small they had a different outlook on life and just amused themselves watching the colour-changes occurring on the well-spun webs. In the strange light the droplets shone and glistened the most beautiful iridescent colours at the inquisitive youngsters sitting on their bed rock.
One young man who’d heard the cows in the background and then seen the orb was inspired and after his long contemplative look he simply said “Moo” and pointed to the others. They all nodded and the oldest elder being somewhat hard of hearing nodded and very loudly said “Did you say ‘Moon’, That sounds good - Moon, Moon, Moon.”
And so it was that the bright and beautifully faced orb came to be called the Moon.
After a while the cows became bored with the whole proceedings and especially with the sound of the tribe chanting an out-of-tune Moon. They fell silent and soon all was silent again except for the deaf elder who was still doing a resounding “Moon.” The young man gradually became exasperated with his elder’s emissions and cried out “Will you stop mooning.” His deaf Dad naturally didn’t hear the polite request and was unceremoniously gagged. Poor disgruntled elder could only stare at the light which beamed down on him. His son tutted but his partner begged him to be more tolerant of his Pa Pa because there was nothing wrong with mooning. It sounded quite calming and had sent the young ones into a deep slumber again. She added that it would save her much bed-rocking again.
Next morning poor old Pa Pa was still staring and looking most perplexed. He had spent all night in a gag and had watched the whole circuit of his new-found moon. As his son released him and he asked “where is the Moon, son?.” The younger man had no reply and anyway he was quite disgruntled with his Papa. After all it was he who first called out ‘moo’ only to have it altered into moon - he felt that his thunder had not been clapped upon. The fact that the cows were first off with the moo-ing was neither here nor there to him.
Speaking of thunder, it was very quiet that morning - not a crack or rumble to be heard. The air moved briskly past the young man’s whiskers blowing and tousselling them in a strange manner He suddenly thought that it was all too much. First there was a light from out of the darkness which had disappeared again. Next the roaring thunder claps had ceased. It was eerily quiet now except for the cows tearing at the green earth shoots and chewing it. And just to cap it all the air was moving all around him!
Breaking through his fearful thoughts he heard a very bright and curious youngster cry out “What has happened to our daylight blanket. It has turned a strange and clear hue.” Noticing the change too he very quietly said that it was getting strangely lighter by the minute He, like the youngster, wondered what had happened to the fog? He also wandered what on earth would happen next!
The climax of the strange events was just about to transpire and a huge yellow ball peeped up slowly from below the horizon. The young and very wind-swept man fell to the ground in shock and naturally hurt his head. After a painful and very unceremonious clamber back upright he angrily bellowed out “Raar.”
The elder nodded and said “Ra sounds good, son.” And following the naming of the Moon the new and by now very bright yellow orb became known as ‘Ra’. The young man felt proud that he had finally been heard by his very deaf elder and more to the point that he had actually been listened to. The uproar wakened the tribe and on seeing that it was the strange yellow orb being called Ra they began paying tribute and bent down to the wondrous light.
For what seemed an eternity the bored herd of cow had to listen to the tribe chorusing out “Ra, Ra.” Getting to the end of his tether one was just about to bellow out in frustration at the monotonous chanting. He was quickly nipped in the bud and reminded of last nights events. After all hadn’t the poor tribe followed them like sheep into an unending ‘moo’ sing-song. They hadn’t even manage to get the words right! A repeat performance was not really called for because Moo-Ra just didn’t have quite the right ring to it.
The thought filled cow nodded and remained quiet. And so it stayed thus named for many years and as things do it progressed and altered to finally become what it is know as today - the sun. Just like in days of yore it had become a very rare sight.
The whole chain of events altered life as it was then and strange plants grew. Flowers, never before seen, bloomed. The diet became more varied and man suddenly felt very small and humble with these new wonders all around.
With the newly shinning sun they gained warmth and heat. This also gave great happiness to what had been a very dismal and glum period in man’s history. The only problem they had was with their faces. They had no sun protection and on top of their usual frowns they acquired squints and so the wrinkles very quickly piled on. This did not please the ladies at all because the light now showed up every nook and cranny previously unseen by man. No doubt if they had seen they would not have noticed!
The men paid homage to the great new sun and with the sun came the rain and then the drought. Many fires sprung forth and man soon began to tame the flames. He even started offering the poor cows as sacrifices in the hope that the Heavens would be kinder to the Earth again. Of course it didn’t work and not wishing to waste their burnt offerings they decided to eat the meat. It tasted pretty bad and a thoughtful woman threw a load of dried plants on the meat. The food became a joy to eat and it lead to the saying ‘What a difference the Bay made’.
The fat from the cows was soon used by the wrinkled women and they were able to show their faces again. Nothing was wasted and it was from here that necessity became the mother of invention. It wouldn’t be long before the birth of the beauty parlour - only a few millenniums away.
Cows had become know as being herbivores and so the plants used to make them more tasty became known as herbs. The lady chef became known as a herbalist and that is basically how words were invented - chains of events and happy accidents. Not forgetting the lowly mooing cows
